Second To Last

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Every one remembers the first. Every one remembers the best. But, no one remembers the second to last. No one remembers the person who was the human equivalent of the little engine who said he could. I have always been second to last. Not first. Not the worst. Well, in some cases, yes. But, most of the time, I am second to last. Never amazing. Never a prodigy. Never the underdog. Just simply second to last.

We all dream of being the prodigy. Personally, I dream of being a writer and a scientist someday. But, right now I'm second to worst. I'm no prodigy. I'm no bone head either. I'm just in - between. For years, that was good enough. But, I want more. I want to be focused on, known as the best. I want to pave a new way of life. I want, I want, I want.

We all have those wants, but we all eventually deny ourselves the fruits of our labors in one way or another. The few who get the goal, honestly and truly, but they don't go any further. I am not going to be one of those people. I am not going to be the grumpy lady who lives with cats. I am going to prove my worth to the world. I am going to show every one who said I could not I could. I am not going to be second to last. Not again. Never again.

That was how I thought for years and years ago. I never saw that if I had proof of my own worth, I could be anything I wanted to be. I never thought that my want would never be enough. I never thought that dreams and passion would not be enough. I never realized passion dies and dreams change. Wants change. I never realized how useful it was to have a plan. Now, its too late to try ...