Ashes.

A Collab A friend and I did. He's not here on writers, yet here's some credit. He's the victim and I'm the bully. He's one of the most happiest boys i know that wrote that part of the poem :D

Victim’s P.O.V

 

Don't light the cigarette

When the fire comes

I start to burn my skin

My skin is darkening

Like my mind

I have no one around

To give me a helping hand

Reach my hand

And you get burned

I’m meant to be alone

Forever and ever

I’m burning in hell,

With no source of help,

I’m all alone with no one to help,

I’m by myself and I’m burning up.

I reach for a helping hand, but they turn me their back

They just ignore me, and let me burn, like they want me to....

 

 

Bully’s P.O.V

 

I did it

He’s all alone

No one to help

He’s vulnerable now

I can have what I want

He won’t fight against me

He’s going down

He wishes for a better life

A helping hand?

But he’s burning on the ground

Nothing more than a puppet in Devil’s servitude

I watch him lying there, lost and alone

 

Author's Note

Ignore Grammar Problems.
Honest Opinion As Always.

Reviews

[Daytonight]

Great collaboration! Love the form. Keep up the awesome work!

[Sleeping Maiden]

Nice! I like the format. Different.. quite unique. Both each expresses the feelings well. A bit dark. I like it!

[Hello, Goodbye]

nice change of format and elaboration.. good working here.. it expresses your inner notions well and the stream of thinking is a facil read..

[M.Babu]

You really put it into character and perspective. This i'd say was one of your best pieces :)

The subtle flow of it all and the words just melded simply into each other...
"Don't light the cigarette
When the fire comes
I start to burn my skin
My skin is darkening
Like my mind
I have no one around
To give me a helping hand"

BRILLIANT!!

Nothing negative comes to mind:)

~M.Babu~

[FemmeSpookyCorpse]

This is a fantastic poem! Both of your word choices help the situation flow beautifully...great work! = ]

[Layla Anne Massaro]

Nice poem, interesting as I read it.

[Stormy Weather]

Damn.....this is really unique, like the set up and format and how it's a collab and stuff. Really good though :) I enjoyed reading it.

[Kaely Lynn]

verry good. once again, i felt like the victim many times....

[Dreamer]

really good emotions...obviously. Good imagery! but just for the record... you're never alone, God's always there you just have to call on Him:) good write

[Valandil93]

Interesting dynamic. As I read it I could make out the scenario in my mind. Nice job!