Losing you.

As I see you

Walk away

I can’t believe

I’m losing you

Losing you forever

 

You’re all I have

You’re all I need

You’re what I’m breathing for

 

I just can’t see

See why I’m losing you

I’m all you’re breathing for

You’re what I’m breathing for

I can’t get by

I’m losing you forever

 

You’re all I have

You’re all I’m breathing for

This is all what I’m breathing for

Author's Note

Ignore grammar problems please.
Honest oppinion.

Reviews

[Shardbearer99]

I really enjoyed that. I don't know why, but reading this piece of poetry...it sounded like lyrics to song for some reason. it was beautifully written and you put the words together wonderfully. It was thoroughly enjoyable and engaging.

[Alexis]

I felt like could relate to this poem. I may not have taken the same things away from this as everyone else, but even still I liked this poem a lot. Great job.

[GamingGal]

Pros: The shortness of the lines, which I usually am skeptical of, actually works for this poem! The add a stilted effect to it that helps get the emotions across. You chose your words well, and I like the repetition you use.

Cons: You mention being all the other person is breathing for. Perhaps going deeper into that little detail? You explain your side, but not their side. Just an idea :)

Overall: This is a good poem. At first, I was skeptical since it can be hard to make a good poem from a handful of short lines, but you pulled it off quite well.

[FallenHeroXx]

This is quite good.
I like the build and the flow.
Great read.
Keep up the good job.

Fallen

[Kathryn Saunders]

Honestly I did enjoy it. Your rhythm is very nice, making the poem flow easily. Your emotions shine through, which is what poetry is meant for. All in all, very good. 10/10