Jupiter

This is my first performance piece.

The stars are out now.

The Sun has gone down

so the stars must be up.

I can ask them for answers

though I know they won't respond.

I can trust them.

Though I know they can't help,

at least it's something.

 

But when I look up

as I zip my jacket to protect against the cold,

the only thing I can see is Jupiter.

I know it's Jupiter

because it's so brilliantly bright

and shines confidently in the sky,

unwavering.

I wish I could be that, right about now.

 

So do I address it or

do I keep quiet?

A planet several years away

can't help me any more than

the stars, several hundred light years away, can

 

But I need answers.

One more night without knowing-

I can't stand this.

My hands are in my pockets

to discourage the cold

but the cold isn't scared of

a flimsy layer of fleece.

 

What's this-

a crumpled gum wrapper in my pocket,

forgotten, like yesterday's thoughts

remains, like yesterday's memories.

If I throw it hard enough,

will it touch Jupiter?

Can it come close?

 

 

Though I know it's pointless

I throw it with all my might-

but I could've thrown it harder,

I should've thrown it harder.

I wait for it to land,

not speaking, simply waiting for a thud

I know I’ll never hear.

Gravity can never be conquered.

Is that my answer?

Did I ask the right question?

Should I try again?

Do I want to try again?

Why don't I know better?

 

One more night isn't going to hurt anything

but how many nights does it take

to forget that things can change?

How long do I have left before

the waiting becomes my answer?

 

There's nothing more lonely than

being the only thing in the sky.

 

We all have lessons to learn

but I'd rather have forgotten how to breathe

than have to learn this one.

 

I forget that there's nothing I can do,

forget that this isn't my place

I just want everyone to be happy.

I want to help but I'm worried

I cause pain, and we all hurt.

It's hard to know what to do

When you know there's no right answer.

 

Back to the sky,

back to Jupiter, the clouds blocking everything else.

Jupiter was named after the Roman god

who is the same as the Greek god Zeus-

only the name is different,

why change a story that works?

He was the king of gods, the biggest

That's why Jupiter was given that name.

But Zeus made mistakes-

there is nothing perfect in this world

so should I just give up?

 

Give up the way my friend forfeited her religion

because it was too difficult to believe or

Give up the way my grandfather stopped fighting for survival

because his lover stopped fighting first or

Give up the way my friend left her,

because it wasn't worth it.

 

Is it really Zeus I'm talking about

or is it someone else?

Is it worth it?

 

The gum wrapper lies in the dirt.

It will remain there because it's too dark to see.

Maybe I'll pick it up in the morning,

when it's light,

but I'll probably just forget.

Again.