Chapter 5: Ana

Ana couldn’t believe she had let Ersula talk her into coming here, and silently cursed herself as she pulled forward into the driveway of a house that should have been condemned by the city years ago.　
            "Ersula," Ana said in a whiney voice, "is this the only place? Could we try somebody else?"

            "Roxanne," Ersula said firmly, "I told you I been smoking his s**t all day, and it's dynamite, and I'm not tryna wait no f*****g hour for him to drop it off to us.　 We just going in and out, damn!"
            Ana rolled her eyes.  She despised when Ersula called her by her government name.  Very few people in Ana's life knew her real name was Roxanne and that was the way Ana wanted it.  The name Roxanne tied Ana too close to a past she so desperately wanted to forget.  Ana had revealed this secret to Ersula during one of their frequent crack binges.  The good product had Ana feeling unusually jovial and trusting, and she found herself revealing to Ersula that she was adopted and that her real name was Roxanne.  Now, Ana was thankful that the next hit she took during that conversation had left her stupefied because Ersula used Ana's secret as a weapon when she was frustrated.   

            Just the mention of the name Roxanne made Ana's appetite for drugs voraciously increase.  Ana opened her wallet, taking out ten straight twenty dollar bills.
            "And I also done told you about dragging that damn pocketbook everywhere.  We in da hood.  Don't you be opening your wallet and counting money at a trap house.　 Damn, don't you know nothing?"
"Damn, Ersula, you don't have to beat me up.　 I don't ever go to my dealer's house.　 Besides, they have so much money, they wouldn't worry about what I have, especially if I'm going to buy from them all night."
"Well, you aint buying from no rich white boy who peddling rocks on the side.　 These some ganstas, and they petty and trifling,"　
"Why are we f*****g with them, then"　
"Cause they s**t good."
"And you're willing to risk your safety to deal with them?" Ana asked. Ersula cocked her head to the side and glared at Ana with a "b***h, please" facial expression.　
"Ana, don't even start this s**t," Ersula finally said, annoyed.　
"What?" Ana asked.　
"You want to smoke, and you want good s**t, but you sitting up here questioning and judging me about where I come to get it.  Now, do

you want some good s**t, or what? Tell me what's up" Ersula demanded, as if she was paying for any of it.
Noticing Ana's hesitation, "Now, you know when I say something is good, it's true. I'm telling you Ana, that s**t had me running!"　
"It did?!" Ana asked, her curiosity getting the better of her.　
"I'm talking bout I was cleaning the house, and you know I don't never do that!"
Convinced, upon hearing Ersula's last statement, "F**k it! Let's go," Ana said, taking another hundred dollar bill from her wallet before shoving everything under their driver's seat.　
"I can go," Ersula said, rousing Ana's suspicion.　 As lazy as Ersula was, Ana knew if she ever offered anything there was an ulterior motive, and although she was not very keen on entering a "trap house", Ana would be damned if she allowed Ersula to swindle her yet again.　 　
"Naw, with this kind of cash, I gotta make sure your dude aint tryna s**t me," Ana said, deflecting the real cause of her concern.　
"He don't like any and everybody coming to his crib, and he don't know you.　 He probably won't sell it to me," Ersula sweetly said, "he know me real good.　 We go way back.　 He'll even hook me up for sending him the business, and I'll share that extra with you."　

            Ana recognized that line.  It was a line she had fallen for so many times before.　 If Ana knew if she let Ersula go with the money alone, not only would Ersula keep the extra for herself, but she would also buy less than what Ana wanted in order to keep the extra money for herself later.  Ana also knew Ersula would steal a few rocks before Ana even saw the package, as well as steal rocks while they were smoking.  Ana was aware of all Ersula's little tricks.  They had been smoking crack together for quite a while.

            All Ana wanted to do was get high.  It saddened her that she had to take so many strategic, counter attacks against her smoking partner, especially when Ana was the only one who really paid for the s**t when they smoked together.  Ana hated arguing over petty s**t, but she knew Ersula was a savage animal when it came to crack, and that being ruthless was nothing but a means to an end for Ersula concerning the drug. 
            "If I can't go, then we have to go somewhere else.　 I don't have time for the bullshit." Ana said.
　
            "What?" Ersula asked in disbelief, "why you acting up? I mean, it aint hard. Just let me go get the s**t. Damn, you acting dumb."
            Ana cranked the car, tired of being talked down to, and placed the gear in reverse.　

            Ersula shouted "Alright! Damn!" before angrily hopping out of the car.　
            Outside of the car, Ana really noticed how dilapidated the place was. The gravel driveway, stained with motor oil in various places, was the only place in the yard that could safely lead to the house, because at least 30 old, broken down cars blocked any other walk way.　 Ana wondered why no one had thought to at least junk the cars.　 The cars were rusted, and the windows of most of were broken.　 Ana could only imagine how many snakes and other undesirable creatures had turned these vehicles into their homes.
            As she travelled down the long drive way, Ana noticed two women sitting in one of the abandoned cars, and a man standing posted at the back of a different vehicle further ahead.　 After spotting the quick, familiar flame, followed by a thick, looming cloud of smoke, Ana realized the cars were parked in the yard for a reason.
            Ersula, either not caring, or not noticing, said nothing about these people.　 Her eyes remained straight ahead of her, and Ana never saw her move so fast.  Ana became tickled, but held in her laugh.　 They approached a raggedy house, made of wood siding, which was rotted in various spots.  Ana could smell the sweet, metallic smell that was the essence of her favorite vice and, her mouth watered instantly from just the thought of how potent this s**t allegedly was.

            Ana's stomach cramped from the anticipation, indicating she would have to crap soon, as just the thought of some good crack always made her bowels loose.　 She had heard other smokers say the same thing, and was convinced it was a "mind thing".
　
            Feeling the cramp, Ana became more urgent about getting the s**t and leaving.　 As if she could read Ana's mind Ersula asked "B***h yo stomach bubbling'?" to which Ana nodded her head and Ersula laughed.
            "Be careful on that third step cause it rotten," Ersula warned taking the steps two at a time and skipping the third.　 Ana followed suit, and they approached the door.　 Ersula rapped on the old wooden door.　 It was a sickly grey color and was adorned with various marks and dirty spots.　 Near the top right hand corner someone had half-heartedly etched "The Kitchen", and puzzled, Ana questioned Ersula.
            Annoyed with Ana and by no one answering the door, Ersula said "That what they call this house cause they does big time cooking here. That why his s**t so good cause they cook the pure s**t. No cut or nothin'".
            Ersula rapped on the door the door lightly, which Ana could not understand since obviously no one would hear her over the loud rap music blaring from inside.
            Ana raised her hand to knock, but Ersula slapped it away.
            "This is why you shoulda stayed in the car.　 I know what I'm doing," she said terribly irritated, "he funny acting and he don't like his door being knocked on too hard or too many times cause he paranoid about the cops." Ersula shook her head at Ana for her ignorance before turning her attention back to the door.
            Finally, they heard someone from the other side of the door demand "Who?!" to which Ersula called out her name.　 After a few moments, the door swung open, revealing a tall, thin woman on the other side. Ana would have guessed she was in her late forties, although it was difficult to be sure because her face looked very weathered and aged.　 Ana could tell she was very pretty in her younger days, but her looks had long faded away.　 The woman's salt and pepper gray hair was pulled away from her neck and rested in a short ponytail at the back of her head.　
            Even though she was thin, her body was not the best, and her clothing did nothing to flatter her figure.　 She wore a bright pink stretch cotton mid-drift tube top, which revealed the loose, stretch-marked skin of her protruding belly, and although her breasts were small, they sagged horribly, and her tiny n*****s poked through the fabric. The woman wore black spandex stretch pants which were much too small and cut into the small, but fatty sides of her hips. The woman moved to the side to allow Ana and Ersula entry in the house, but she did not smile, and instead seemed rather unhappy to see Ersula.　 The feeling seemed to be mutual on Ersula's behalf, and although Ana noticed the tension, it was not a priority.  She just wanted some drugs and to leave immediately afterwards.
            "Ersula," the lady said monotone
            "Evelyn," Ersula spat venomously.
            "Who this?" she asked Ersula, nodding at　Ana instead of asking her.
            "That's my friend. She cool," Ersula said straining her neck to look around the corner of the door way that led down a long dark hall.

            Evelyn grunted as she shut the door, then pulled a glass pipe from her bosom and lit it.

            "I aint know who the hell you was," Evelyn said, after exhaling, the drugs placing her in a better mood, "if yall looking fo some gas, this where it at," she exclaimed, and waving her arms in the air, and snapping her free fingers to the loud music.

            "Hey!" she chanted for several moments.

            Ersula looked over to Ana with a smug expression that read "Told ya so".

            Evelyn finally sat down on a large brown feaux leather couch that was ripped in various spots, exposing the couch's stained cushions, and patted the seat, gesturing for Ana to sit next to her.
　Still sober,　Ana was hesitant because the house did not seem like a place she wanted to make herself comfortable in.  It was dirty and dangerous.  She just wanted to buy her crack and leave.
　        Ersula noticed the expression on Ana’s face and couldn't afford for Ana to change her mind because she was uncomfortable.  Furthermore, Ersula was ready to smoke her damn self.  She said sharply, "Now, Evelyn we aint come here for all that s**t. We just want to buy our s**t and go".

            "Since when you buy?" Evelyn replied smartly, "if this girl know what I know, she'd run from you if she had any sense".

            Ersula looked insulted, and Ana wanted to laugh.　 Clearly, Evelyn at least knew Ersula was a freeloader.

            "See this why I don't like running into you.　 You always got something stupid to say," Ersula retorted.

　        Evelyn cut her hazel-green eyes and ignored Ersula.　

            "Try this," Evelyn said, smiling and handing Ana her freshly packed glass.　 Ana couldn't help but notice the gold trim around Evelyn's yellowed front teeth or the missing teeth on either sides of them.  Momentarily, Ana contemplated if she really wanted to use the same pipe as Evelyn.

            Ana looked at the top of Evelyn's fully packed pipe, the white substance almost appearing crystalized as it glistened in the light.　 Ann casted any concerns away and reached for the glass pipe, lighting it with her own lighter she had in her pocket.　　

            Immediately, she felt lightheaded, and heard bells ringing in the background.　 After a second hit, much more powerful than even the first, she immediately staggered forward, then handed the glass back to Evelyn.　

            "Damn!" Ana exclaimed, "you weren't kidding."

            "I told ya!" Evelyn said packing the glass again, "you better buy that s**t up! He selling it for the low today"

            Evelyn placed her stem to her mouth.

            "I thought that was mine," Ersula said.

            Evelyn grunted and said "B***h you know I don't f**k with you like dat.", then took a deep drag, inhaling all the smoke that had accumulated in the glass, "I wouldn’t even give you the smoke that's leftover in the glass." she said and laughed hysterically.　 "I wouldn't even give you a shot gun." Evelyn continued.  Ana found herself laughing as well, much to Ersula's dislike.

            "B***h, where he at?" Ersula demanded.

            "Wit somebody.　 You might as well sit down cause aint no telling when he coming out," Evelyn said, laughing and slapping her knee.　

            "Why you can't go back there and tell him I'm here waiting on him?"

            "Cause I got crack in front of me.　 If you think I'm bout to get up, then you is one crazy b***h," Evelyn said. "Go on back there yourself, since you in such a big hurry”.

            "B***h why is you acting dumb.　 You know how funny that n***a act.　 I aint bout to walk back there," Ersula said, taking a seat next to Evelyn, "let me get a hit, Ev," she said, her voice sweeter than Ana ever heard it before

　　Evelyn shoved her back, "B***h I done told you I don't f**k with you like that.　 And this why.　 As long as we smoked together, you don’t think I know you like a book by now? F**k outta here with that s**t"

　　"Why you acting like that?" Ersula asked shrilly "I'll give it back to you when B-Block come out the room."

　　"B***h please.　 That's the story of your life.　 If I had a rock for every time you said that dumb s**t and I fell for that dumb s**t, I'd be rich.　 No high for the rest of my life," Evelyn responded, and gave a loud whooping laugh.　

　　"But naw," Evelyn said seriously, "I aint mad at ya.　 But I aint falling for that same trickery.　 That what you got her fo" Evelyn said pointing her stem at Ana.　

            "And you better get smart if you gonna smoke wit this one cause she'll have you broke as hell many days" Evelyn said to Ana.　　

            "Ana, let's go somewhere else. These motherfuckas is trippin over here," Ersula said heading for the door.

"You see how she make all the decisions and aint paying for a damn thing?" Evelyn asked, "I do not miss them days."

"Is you gonna listen to that b***h? I'm ready to go now,"

Instead of replying Ana sat down next to Evelyn, who was packing another stemful of goodness.　

"Here, baby," Evelyn said, passing the stem to Ana, and she gratefully obliged.

　　"You sit right there and follow her up.　 She aint doing nothing　but tryna get you stuck so you'll buy for her all night," Ersula said, taking a seat across the room.　　

            "B***h please," Evelyn said, "You know damn well I don't pay for s**t round here.　 That's how come you used always be stuck up my a*s until I woke the f**k up and stopped f*****g with you."

            "And since you telling lies, Ersula, let me let your friend know what type of b***h she dealing wit," Evelyn continued, pulling out a second pipe from between the cushions of the sofa, "this a type of b***h that will skin and grin with you all day if you got crack, but as soon as you can’t get her no more, she don't know you.　 Hell, even if you got crack, if she think you in the way, she'll steal all your s**t to smoke by herself later"

　　Ana was fucked up by this time, but not so much to not hear the trueness of Evelyn's words.  Ana couldn't count the number of times Ersula had cheated, lied, and stolen at the expense of Ana.

            Evelyn handed Ana a couple of rocks that were sitting on the end table sitting next to her, and allowed Ana to stuff the second pipe while Evelyn prepared her own hit.  As Ana smoked she had to admit that Ersula was right about two things.　 The s**t was great, and she was stuck.　 This was what Ana wanted, and she was not leaving without it.　 Ana looked over to Ersula, who was fuming, her mouth squeezed so tightly that her black lips looked like the wrinkled surface of a brain.　 Ersula sat across the room with her arms and legs crossed, her foot furiously rocking side to side.

            "Look at her," Evelyn said, nudging Ana, "over there pouting like a child"
            "I know.　 I'm used to it," Ana replied, "she gonna f**k right around and I'm going to take her home."
            "Well, take me the f**k home then.　 Aint like I'm smoking anyway,"
            "You see how she act? I can get her high all night and not ask for a dime, but it's never enough."
            "Girl, you aint telling me nothing I don't already know," Evelyn said, breaking her last rock in half, and handing it to Ana, "she just a monster, but aint never got no money to keep up her own habit.　 That's why I quit dealing wit her"
            "So not only I got to watch yall smoke, but I gotta listen to talk bout me like I'm not even here?"
            Ignoring Ersula’s attempt to get attention, Evelyn and Ana hit their last rocks.
            "Huh, yall aint got nothing to say?"
            "Roxanne?"
            "Why you keep bothering me? Damn, can I get high?" Ana told Ersula sharply.
            "That how she do," Evelyn offered, "especially when it run out.　 Then she will try to chat you up to get you to buy more.　 I could write a book on her,"
            Ersula sat forward in the chair, "Well, I just wanted a hit, but y'all over there acting like b*****s.　 And Ana, you don't even know Evelyn.　 I can't believe how you acting stank"

            "For somebody that never pays for anything, you always want something.　 I'm getting tired of this s**t, Ersula," Ana said, venting the frustration she felt for the past month, "you know I don't mind paying, and I don't mind giving you half of whatever I get, but I can't even enjoy it with all the bitching that　you do.　 I buy, I go get it, and the only thing you have to do is smoke it, but you can't even do that without complaining.　 You're always whining about something.　 Always want it your way."

            "Oh, I see how it is," Ersula, "you listening to that b***h," she said pointing to Evelyn, who was amused by the argument.
            "She doesn't have to have tell me anything.  I know these things for myself.　 It aint even fun smoking with you anymore.　 You're too worried about how to s**t me out of my drugs,"

            Ersula gasped, shocked by the accusation, "B***h, I aint neva--"
            Ana interrupted, putting the palm side of her hand up, "Save it.　 I'm not even about to argue with you.　 I'ma get my crack, and I'm going home."
"I don't give a f**k," Ersula said nastily, "I aint gonna beg you for it,"
"Good," I said, truly and unusually unconcerned.
Chuckling, Evelyn rose from her seat, and said "I'ma see what my son doing," before entering the hallway.
　
            Ersula and Ana sat in silence, as they heard Evelyn gently knock on the door, and softly call "Brantley, you got some people waiting for you in here," Ana heard the door opened, and footsteps walking towards her.　 Evelyn entered the room, with a smile, and after sitting next to Ana again, she realized why as seven or eight twenty pieces rolled from Evelyn’s hand to the end table.
            Moments later, a thin, white woman entered the room.　 Her big, green eyes darted around the room, and she smiled softly until she noticed Ersula, upon which, her smiled disappeared and was replaced with obvious disdain.
            "Hey Blair," Ersula said casually, either ignoring or not caring about Blair's sour facial expression.

            The woman named Blaire did not even reply, but instead briefly sized Ersula up before saying "You still aint s**t,”

            Ersula shook her head and smirked.  Ana wondered what that was all about.  Before she could think too deeply on the subject, she noticed Blaire was not alone.  Behind Blaire was a woman.  Ana knew that profile.  She would know it anywhere, but still she doubted her eyes.  There was no way in hell that woman could be who Ana thought she was.  Ana knew she wasn't wrong despite the rationalizations that formed in her mind that stated otherwise.  It had been over a decade, but she still looked the same.

            What the hell was she doing in a place like this? Did she smoke crack too? Why the hell would she ever smoke crack? Does she recognize Roxanne?

            Ana's mind overflowed with questions, and she wished she had the power of invisibility.  She had not planned traveling down memory lane.  In fact, Ana had planned never to travel down memory lane again.  She wanted to forget everything about her old life; the mystery; the confusion; the hurt; the pain; her family; herself. 

 

            Ana prayed that her sister would not recognize Roxanne as she felt herself shutting down internally.  Ana couldn't deal with it and the need to take a hit became unbearably intense, but Ana knew even the slightest movement may cause Keitha to direct her attention from the floor and to Ana's direction.  Ana wouldn't know what to do if they made eye contact, and so she held her head down, causing her hair to fall over her eyes, and picked at her nails. 

            Ana crossed her legs at her ankles and began to shake her legs as she wished the eternal moment would finally come to an end.  Ana could hardly breathe and her body was very tense.  Ana's heart plummeted through the floor when Keitha’s footsteps paused momentarily.  Ana could feel Keitha's eyes on her, but Ana refused to look up.  Ana didn't realize she started to bite her nails, something she never did.  She needed something to kill all the live wires in her body or she would implode.  She found it cruel that time would pause at such a horrible time. 

            Ana found herself out of her seat and swiftly leaving the room.  She didn't look at Keitha and prayed that she would just leave without saying anything.  She didn't even know where she was going, but she just had to be out of that room. 

 

            Suddenly Ana felt someone tightly grip her arm as she was spun around.  Ana knew she was caught, which made her feel trapped.  Just as she began to feel light headed, Ana recognized the voice sneering at her, and was a little grateful to find it was only Ersula talking to s**t to her.

            "Where the f**k you going? You trying to take my connect? Why you being such a b***h? We not girls no mo? What the f**k wrong with you? Why you acting funny?" Ersula asked rapidly.

            "The bathroom," Ana said desperately, "where is the bathroom.  I gotta s**t,"

            Ersula laughed, "That's what made you run back here? You got the runs?"

            Ersula pointed to the bathroom and said "I shoulda let you s**t up as s****y as you was being out there.  Look at you.  Needed me just that fast."

            "You're right.  I'm sorry about the way I acted out there.  That s**t had me messed up," Ana said walking to the bathroom, "Ersula, you have no idea how you saved my life tonight.  I'm definitely going to make it up to you,"    

            "As you should, b***h, and hurry the f**k up.  I'm a great friend, but I ain't a patient one. We coulda done been smoking by now."