A Song For Young, Frightened Reptile

A Song For Young, Frightened Reptile
Alira Cohen

Here I am,
My love,
With arms open wide.

You will grow,
My love,
With me by your side.

I’m right here,
My dear,
There’s no need to cry.

In this bliss,
My dear,
Would I tell a lie?

Author's Note

Enjoy. If you want to comment/review, please be respectful. Thank you.

Reviews

[_rabbitofhabit (1word)]

First off, I love the title! You are very good with them. They are unique and enticing. I like the song very much. I especially love how you have, how do I explain, made each line symmetrical. My only critique would be to place ‘this’ and ‘bliss’ in separate lines, as you have not had an immediate rhyme before now and I feel it slightly takes away from the flow you’ve previously built.

[Alira]

Thank you! I appreciate your kind words, as always. And yes, I agree with this critique—it does hurt the flow a bit.

[Kim S.]

Wow, this is so good, I can feel this write. emotional

[Alira]

Thank you!

[Aura]

This is interesting. What if all of it is a lie? Loving this person, gaining their trust, being the shoulder they lean on just to betray them? The last line "Would I tell a lie?" gave me chills, I was not expecting that. I enjoyed reading this short yet powerful poem!

[Alira]

Thank you, Aura! I appreciate your kind words about my piece. I am glad I went with that final line, though I’d been nervous about it at first. It was one of my first rhyming poems, so I wanted to keep it simple, but still drive the message home. I’m glad you enjoyed it!

[Aura]

The last line was my favourite, it made me think about the poem in a different way that perhaps this person is two-faced. Always go with your gut, if you think something should be in your writing then you should add it!

[Alira]

I absolutely will! Sometimes I have trouble with that, just trusting my instincts as a writer, but hearing this kind of feedback makes me trust myself a lot more. Thank you once again!

[Aura]

You are very welcome :)