Monster, A Poem

WARNING: Gross. References to regurgitation, unpleasant imagery. This is kind of an ambitious one. Playing around with …prose poetry, I guess? Anyway, this is about a monster.

**Note:
This piece has also been published by me on Joara under the username AC2066 (Alira Cohen) and on WritersOutlet by me under my name (Alira Cohen)


Monster, A Poem

Something watches me. From outside, it peeks in, it peeks in and stares at me. Black gums and white skin, daggers as crooked teeth. I can see its smile. There’s something petrifying about a joyless grin. On it, the expression looks like it’s melting, falling from its face. He reminds me, “I’m a him, not an it.” He reaches forward like he wants to take my hand; his are cold, clammy and clawed. When I back away, he does his best not to appear hurt. When I let him in, he is hardly controllable. He sets my ribs on fire and crushes my heart in his fist. He screams at me: “FOCUS FOCUS FOCUS.” There’s nothing to focus on. “HATE HATE HATE. RUN RUN RUN.” Run, rabbit, run. He gives me a moment to try and get away from him, or at least distract myself from him. I take that chance. When it’s over, his cold black vomit slides down my throat. I tremble, tremble, tremble.

Author's Note

This one, as I said, is pretty ambitious in terms of style. If you’re going to leave a comment or review, please be respectful. Thank you.

Reviews

[_rabbitofhabit (1word)]

"Black gums and white skin." That got my attention and painted a very vivid and horrifying image, in my mind at least.

"Joyless grin" is a great line.

I'd change the line, "On him, it seems like it’s melting, falling from his face," to, "On it, the smile seems to be melting, falling from its face." I think it would make the following line, "He reminds me, “I’m a him, not an it.”" make more sense.

By the way, I really like the line, “I’m a him, not an it.” It makes you wonder if the creature has telepathy or whether the narrator might be narrating to the creature itself, which almost invites the reader to think they are the monster.

"When it’s over, his cold black vomit slides down my throat." ~ Gross.

Overall. Very descriptive. Very good. I want to know more.

[Alira]

Thank you! You’re absolutely right about the line “on him,” and how it should be changed to “on it.” I’m always happy to hear that my stuff gets a reader wondering and wanting to know more, I consider that a win for certain. Also really makes me want to put the pieces that are connected together into a larger work sooner, though I do not want to rush it, or give too many answers. Anyway, I’m getting ahead of myself. Thank you so much for your review, always highly appreciated!

[Aura]

Wow that was quite unique. The monster seems scary but I feel like this monster is probably a manifestation of this person's worst qualities. I'm not sure how to explain it, but imagine if your worst qualities was an actual person... that would be scary right? Especially since this creepy monster was saying HATE HATE HATE, it made me think that he was telling the person to hate themselves, lowering their self esteem. This was quite an ambitious and different type of writing and I really enjoyed reading this. I am a fan of scary/horror/psychological Thriller stuff so this was quite the read!

[Alira]

Hello, Aura! Self-hatred was definitely a theme I was going for, that and intrusive thoughts that ultimately do nothing but destroy you in the end. On a more personal note, a lot of what I wrote in this piece was a reflection of how I was feeling physically and emotionally while on a higher dosage of a certain medication. I have a great love for horror/thriller content as well, which is my biggest inspiration usually. Thank you so much for your review!

[Aura]

Oh that makes sense too. I can definitely see how the thoughts are destroying the individual.

[Alira]

Honestly, I really like your original interpretation of the piece and i think it definitely fits. I will say, you’ve given it a fresh meaning to me and I’m so happy you commented!

[Aura]

My pleasure! In my opinion A poem can have many meanings, depending on who reads them. The poet has the original meaning of the poem, but others may have a different interpretation that is equally unique. Nonetheless, you gave a deep meaning to this poem using the monster as a symbol for the havoc in the person's mind

[Alira]

Absolutely. It’s like they say, once an artist of any kind has put their piece out into the word, it is (partly) no longer their own, as everyone will have an interpretation. I have always pretty much agreed with this and think it is a great thing. Poems can have an unlimited amount of meanings. I feel really happy that I was able to get across what I was feeling in my gut effectively; appreciate you, my friend.