Safely Tucked Away

Another attempt at poetry, this time a “villanelle.” Will be edited further at some point. Protecting a love made of sand.

**Note:
I have also published this piece on the app “Writer’sOutlet”

Safely Tucked Away
By Alira Cohen

Delicate creature made of sand,
My promise was not whispered in vain.
It hurts so much to take your hand.

Reeling at my heart’s command,
I let you nest inside my brain.
Now I’ve almost come to understand.

Trembling from a love so grand,
The truth will grow and twist and strain,
Until it becomes more than I can stand.

Though this isn’t what I planned,
The heat of your embrace must remain,
And I will fight for what is beautifully damned.

Delicate creature made of sand,
Your tears fall upon my open vein,
And let the chamber of my soul expand.

I’ll keep you safe for as long as I can withstand,
For it is you who keeps me sane.
It hurts so much to take your hand.

Author's Note

As always, please be fair and respectful if you want to comment. Thank you.

Reviews

[_rabbitofhabit (1word)]

I think it's nice. A lot of rhymes, which I like.

You, as usual, used snuck in creative imagery without choking the reader. And yet the descriptions are so mind-compelling that they stick with the reader and and build an atmosphere, which is sometimes hard to do. Stuff like "nesting inside the brain," "trembling," "grow and twist and strain," "creature made of sand and so forth."

Anything can be improved, but I, at least, like it for what it is. Those ways of improvement are probably advanced poetry stuff that I wouldn't notice if they were implimented.