The Boy and His Birds: Find Love

A bird watcher finally finds a person worth watching.

A boy sat on a bench at the park, admiring the birds as they flew overhead from tree to tree. He always wished he was a bird and one day he got that wish. But that story is for another day. Today he finds his true love. As he gazes at the nests and the hums with the birds he sees the most peculiar thing. A lady sitting in the high branches. He climbed up to her and asked why she was there, "Because you never saw me sitting next to you so I followed your gaze and sat where you could see me." The boy looked all over her like he would a bird and saw that she was just as beautiful. The boy didn't know anything about people or romance and decided to do what he thought was best. He kissed her on the lips. She was so surprised by this that she almost fell. But the boy had his arms wrapped around her. She held onto him tightly and asked if they could go down. The birds all loved the boy for he loved the birds. So the birds carried the couple out of the tree and onto the bench. The boy couldn't stop looking at the girl as he thanked the birds and kissed her once more. The boy asked her to promise to meet him on the bench every day. and she did.

Reviews

[JayG]

Okay, you've written the plot outline. But that's all, it is, a definition of the situation. But story doesn't lay in, "This happened, and then that happened." It lies in the depth of emotion you evoke in the READER, so it comes from the protagonist's response to the events, their striving, their dreams, and their needs.

Plot is needed, of course, but it's not even close in importance to words that will involve the reader and make them NEED to turn the page.

Flash Fiction is not a story stripped down to an outline. It must work on an emotional level for each reader. For an example of flash fiction told in only a few more words than you used, try this:
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/2012/08/11/breaking-point/

For how to stimulate a reader's emotion in only six words, This has been called a novel in six words:

For sale: baby shoes, never worn.

Change "baby shoes" to sport jacket and you lose the emotional impact. And because your story ignores the character's emotions, reactions, and decisions it's as devoid of emotion as: For sale: running shoes, never worn.

If you enjoy writing, keep in mind that the skills to write fiction are far different from the book report skills we learn in our school days. So looking into those skills and adding a few to your personal set will make the job a LOT easier.

Hang in there, and keep on writing.