Childhood

Growing up I went through such struggles that others may relate to. We've all had that "dark point" in life where we felt its the worst moment in our life. This was my dark point. Which im still in.

Once my mother came back from the hospital and we arrived back to our home, helping her get adjusted again to everything happening, I looked back at what happened 2 weeks ago and realized my life would never be the same.

Growing up, as a child I had everything, a happy family, 2 younger brothers who I spent my time with, great marks in school, given everything from their parents. Being naive I've never caught on to what was happening in my family. Mom stayed at home taking care of us and Dad was an Executive chef. I grew up spending time with him and nobody else. He was my role model. I wanted to become a chef like him and he said I wouldn't be able to do what he did and I took it as a challenge. July of 2009 recession had hit my family in a drastic way. My dad had lost his job and for weeks struggling to even feed us. As any individual working and running the household, they'd stress out to the point anger takes over them. That's what happened to my dad. Constant arguments at home between him and mom, resulting in to drinking and leaving the house in rage. He threatened to leave the house and applied for a job outside of Canada. His luck, he had got a job offer from where he use to work in Pakistan. The pay and benefits were beyond perfection. Talking to us he had asked what he should do, and us wanting a better life, we said he should do it. He took the flight the following week after to Pakistan, leaving me feeling alone.

He had provided for us while he was in Pakistan working. Calling us every day or every other day, asking how we were and if we're taking care of mom and also sending money to not only run the household but to also fulfill our needs, as if my dad was with us keeping us as happy as possible. The only thing I wasn't fond of was the constant argument between mom and dad on the phone, not knowing what they were arguing about, I was assuming she was just missing him. Roughly a month later there were more arguments, and less money being sent. 1400 to nearly 400 a month. We started to become on debt with the excuse from dad saying my grandmother isn't feeling well. One day my parents had got in to a very intense argument, which led to something my father said which potentially changed my life from there. He had told my mother that he had married someone else and didn't need us anymore because of her complaints. The look on my moms face had changed drastically, bursted in to tears and hung the phone up. The mental trauma she went through left her hospitalized for 2 weeks, leaving us to stay at my aunts house. We went to meet her in the hospital and she seemed to be getting better after a week in the department for people with "mental issues" as they told us. I was the eldest in the family, leading to everyone in my moms side of the family telling me what responsibilities I have, what I need to do for my mom, how I should be a role model for my brothers. I was only 15. 

My mom had been discharged from the hospital, bringing her back home, left the way it was as she left it. The food she was making left on the stove, phone on the floor the way she left it, the house being a mess since we were cleaning it at the time. Things would never be the same.

My dad had tried contacting us, but mom never let him talk to us, saying that her kids will never speak to him again, though i was dying to know why he did what he did. With that question never asked, I haven't spoken to him since. Anger started to enter my life. The thought of how unfair it is that I have to get a job to help mom and brothers not doing anything but be happy, become a role model for my brothers and hear the constant lectures from my uncles and aunt about what I need to do in my life. No one had asked what I wanted to do or what I wanted to become. A chef. At the age of 15 i had worked a job and attend school, If i wasn't at school, I was working, and if I wasn't working then I'd be in school. I had not seen my friends in years because we had moved shortly after the incident. For 6 years, not speaking to my father once, being forced to work to provide for the family, hearing the complaints everyone had about me and how I was becoming like my father, had led to me running away from home. The constant complaints from my family  saying I don't help around the house and always out, I had never chosen to stay out as I was forced to. I had never asked for a single penny yet always gave what I can. Hearing everything, I had left the house at the age of 20, owning a car I had bought a few days before the conclusion of leaving the house. Shortly after owning the vehicle and leaving the house, ruining the relationship I had with my family, I had lost my job. I was engaged at the time and my fiance had helped me get through what I was going through though she wasn't employed. With no place to stay, no money to go to college or even fill gas, with my friends leaving my side. I had resulted to sleeping in my 2002 Ford Explorer for a month, with nothing to eat, and clothes that were never washed. Unemployed, my fiance had attempted to help me financially, by using her OSAP money for college. Helping me get to interviews, apply for jobs and attend college. In the month my family had not contacted me once. She had ended up going to my in laws house, letting them know I left the house and put the blame on my fiance assuming she forced me to leave. My in laws had not even known I left the house till that very moment. I had applied for jobs and luckily got employed, feeling there may be a change in my life now. A week after I had been pulled over by the downtown toronto police officers because of a left turn i shouldn't have made. Pulled over in front of my work place, with no insurance, no registration and plates not belonging to the vehicle because of the lack of money to get the work done, I had got my car confiscated and 5 charges given to me. It didn't stop there. I had lost my job based off simple assumption from what they had seen. With no money in my pocket, living in Mississauga and no friends, I had been left in a situation I had no idea how to get out of. 

Author's Note

this is just what happened to me with not as much detail included. Being the only way to vent, I had written this to show what was really important in life that we do not realize till we lose it. Family is important, having the relationship strong with them and be grateful for what you have. There's more to the story but have lyrics written about them since music was my way to vent out.