Hero

I'm just writing this because i had a dream sort of like this.so bam here you all are.

One day the sun was shining,and the birds were singing,and the clouds were overhead. A family of four walked through the woods. The perfect day was happening or so they thought. The winter had been brutally warm and all over signs were posted warning about the dangers of fires that were popping up.The family hadnt notoiced these. In this young family there was a wife with green eyes,like the trees around them. The father was a young man who was trying to figure out how to raise his children still.And then there was the two children themselves. The eldest girl was 7 with blue eyes that she had inherited from her father. The younger one was  a baby who slept most of the time. His name was David. The family had brought a picnic basket full of food,they walked down the trail pointing out some of the birds and chimpunks along the way.

They finally reached a clearing,full of wild flowers. The parents thought it was the perfect place for lunch.Soon they were eating and laughing and smiling.Even David managed a laugh. Unknowling to them one of them wouldnt leave the beautiful pasture. Beyond the wild flowers,was dry leaves.The sun had been shining on them for a long time. Soon a small spark had sprung up. It began to run through the leaves burning and growing bigger and bigger. The family had fallen asleep not knowing the danger that was crawling towards them. Soon the parents were awaken by Davids screaming. They awoke to see the flames around them it was almost a perfect circle.The little girl awoke crying and screaming. The parents looked at each other and hopped over the flames,the little girl in her Dads arms. Thats when Davids screaming was heard over the crackling over the flames,.The parents looked each other,their eyes wide with fear. The dad looked at his wife kissed her and ran through the flames. A moment later he returned David in his arms.His body was engulfed in Flames."Go!" he screamed at his wife and she ran the baby in her arms and the little girl close behind. The,father lay back into flames he felt the heat covering him.Then nothing. His eyes were closed and when he opned them There was a figure above him holding out his hand,"I'm The Collector,come with me" He grabbed the figures and they began both floating above. He saw his wife and kids running away he smiled..and then he entered the light.

Author's Note

ignore grammer problems,etc,etc

Reviews

[Grace Catherine C.]

Well, there's a few forgotten words and misplaced punctuation, but you asked me to ignore that so I will. I think that maybe a story like this needs a bit more substance. The ending is great but I think it deserves more of a build up. You threw in some random detail about the family at the beginning of this story. In a longer version a longer description could be necessary. However for this length I feel that mentioning their eye color isn't needed, and you could've gotten away with simply refering to David as "the baby". That being said I think you have an excellent concept here and you would do well to flesh it out.

[DontBlink158]

It's a cool story idea. It could be backed up with a bit more discription but its still good. I liked it

[Kathryn]

Loved it. That moment where terror turns to serenity was just gorgeous - wonderful work ^^

Wow! This is AMAZING! Very vivid and sad, I like it!

[The Pretender]

i'm going to ignore grammar(hah) and say that that seems like a pretty deep dream. there are so many ways you could build upon it if you really wanted to, i think you should think on it. (:

[Eileen]

I feel like the whole thing moved way too quickly. The format made it harder to read and process. I think details about the family were unnecessary since it had nothing to do with the rest of the story.

[Just Me]

Wow, I liked it. It had nice flow and a nice ending. it was just a tad to fast, but don't take it the wrong way I like fast stories but other people don't. Anyway, Great job.

[Marie]

This is actually not too bad.

[Im a reel vamp lover]

hmmm i liked it.

[AK]

Very nice! The first line hooked me on to the story. Well done!

[Broken Wings]

I really liked that nick! It was really interesting, and very well written :)