Words From A "S**t"

A Story by Brittany Rose

Just venting.

Why is it that the ones who would sacrifice the most get dealt the s****y hand ? I guess kindness really is a weakness, when you really think about it. This world is full of manipulative, sneaky, untrustworthy, mean people...and when you're as nice of a person as I am, sometimes you try to give those people a chance, without even realizing you're sacrificing your own happiness...When you give people chances, you're setting yourself up in a way...People take advantage of kindness any way they can...Those who care are weak I guess, so it's just easier for everyone to be a prick. Or a s**t; which has become quite the popular "synonym" when it comes to my name ever being mentioned in a conversation around here. But why should I care? I mean, I was nothing but nice to them, generous to them, helpful to them...at least I tried to be. Even when I was shown nothing in return...But that was just more wasted time spent on people who really didn't give a f**k if they ever saw me again. When you're nice you get used. Simple as that. But what bothers me is...why would you be so mean to someone who hasn't done anything wrong to you? What sense that make?
You guys are like a pack of senseless, sex driven idiots who prey on friendly, loyal girls. You all gang up on her and just keep harassing her over and over again I mean seriously ... Would you want to f*****g deal with that? Pull your f*****g heads out of your asses you ignorant f***s.
Besides all the rumors and bullshit stress I'm dealing with I think I'm falling in love with someone who I can't have...and most likely won't have because some other girl can and will easily take my place. Falling in love ? Seriously ? That just...seems too out there for me to grasp. But can you stop yourself from falling in love? Can you prevent it? I don't know if I want to prevent it though because he's different..I like him a lot, but I'm not special. I know I'm going to get hurt somehow, some way. I always do...But that doesn't keep me from talking to him. I don't feel like he likes me as much as I like him, which is typical ... I care too much. Always. Even when I don't want to . No one has ever really felt the same about me....It's whatever. (or at least I like to tell myself that) I guess I'm just over thinking things because I'm nervous. Maybe he really does feel the same about me? I hope so.
I've been feeling really fucked up in the head lately. Sometimes I'll feel depressed and confused...then I'll be calm...then I'll be about ready to murder someone in a really sick, twisted, fucked up way because I just get so angry and the more and more angry I get it just builds up from each situation..I'm kinda nervous, not for me but for the people around me when I get mad like I do. I mean, the medicine works I guess. But when I don't take it things get bad. I still dwell on my thoughts. I over think things because I can't seem to get certain situations out of my head. It's really irritating, and...well, depressing...& now that I read all this...I can totally understand why he wouldn't want to be with me and all my problems . I'm a f*****g wreck, really . An emotionally unstable wreck.