Stifled by her cloak -- the soul cries

b"h

3 Sept 2013

Stifled by her cloak -- the soul cries

For relief -- for recognition -- --

No one hears her.  She trembles in

The cold -- -- winter wind in her eyes

Blurring vision. She sees far less

Than what is -- she makes no progress...

She is all but stopped...  As she stands

On the sidewalk her hardy hands

Explore the endless empty womb

Surrounding -- -- all -- --

And she knows well no earthen tomb

Can ever extinguish her flame.

 

Reviews

[Horizon K.]

She is frozen, isn't she... And yet she is a flame. Sometimes it feels as if there no place to understand our lonliness and pain. We just fall wherever we stand, and burn, alone... Lee is right, there is much to be explored here. Hauntingly sad... thanks for sharing.

[Firestone Feinberg]

You are so kind.... It IS said, but there is hope and even more at the end -- no matter her suffering, she will live and be. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I am honored! --David

[lee von cleef]

Hello Cafe come read this....

[lee von cleef]

Now this I will save, for it has meat left, and my teeth want to taste the marrow, old school clear my pallet feel the weight of it across the hairs in my nose, let your poem grow I will hold it in feel the expansion try try try, no cough, but a beauty curls calms and write your name a double Firestone (Strong) Feinberg ( E before I) two lasts that is a first .Hey cafe wake up come review this, 2 for 45 you coffee crazed diggit dancers, come back read it again," Stifled by her cloak -- the soul cries" is good !

[Firestone Feinberg]

Thanks for your strangeness and your kindness. I appreciate your review. Only wish I understood more of it... David

[waif]

This is a kind of poetic feast, David. You've used rhyme and meter so nicely that I almost didn't notice you'd used rhyme at all. Sometimes I can be anti-rhyme, but when I read a poem like this I remember that it still has an important place to hold in the art of poetry.

Love the personification and the loneliness evoked in the poem, there's something almost liberating about the way it unfolds. Nice work, sir.

[Firestone Feinberg]

Dear Sylvie thank you for your generous review of my poem. I am glad that the amalgamation of rhyme scheme and the alterations in the rhythm were appealing to you. I know most serious poets are somewhat skeptical about rhyme -- and with good reasons. But I didn't go the writer's router; I came to writing late in my life. But I spent my years in other arts -- and increasingly saw that training is too often a killer -- so I just read a lot of poems, many of which used rhyme -- especially Emily Dickinson -- and out of sheer naivetee began to, and loved to, use rhyme. These days I write with rhymes and also without them. I am learning how each feeds into the other and how verbal sounds come to intrigue (or not) the ear.

Anyhow I am very touched by your review. You know so much more than I... and I DID read your latest poem, and that a number of times, but I don't -- yet -- understand it. Certainly part of my inability to understand things has to do with mental illnes and disorder: in this case a rather wild ADHD. Yet, even though I try too look through a barely translucent curtain, I do try... although feel not so bold as to comment. But please know I support you and even though it is beyond me I know your work is superlative.

Thanks again for your kindness. You helped me feel good about the poem.

[waif]

I think I've said before you don't give yourself enough credit. Your poetry is very natural and authentic. Mine is thick and often ambiguous, I realize it's difficult at times. I appreciate that you read, and for your kind words.

[bobc]

D...hadn't heard from you in a bit. Glad to see you back and posting. This is a good one...liked the ending in particular. I'm also noticing how the irregular use of rhyme helps give this a flow when read aloud. Well done...thanx...bobc

[Firestone Feinberg]

Thanks Bob. Sometimes I'm asleep... But when I feel like I have something worth posting --I wake up. I am honored that you so well appreciate this poem. It was more or less finished when something went wrong. Took a couple days to make it right. I'm glad you like the 'new' ending. Shalom, David