16 stupid

stupid

I should have ended it there,

but I was desperate to hold onto

 

someone I thought that loved me.

Butterflies and frilly thoughts,

 

flowers raining across my eyes.

I knew it was stupid to think he actually

 

loved me when he just went off and stuck his

tongue down other girls throats,

 

but I had such a large heart

and the fear of drowning

 

in the tenacious loneliness.

The Darkness that fractured my bones,

 

ate at my stomach when I was starved,

and held my wrists when I cried.

 

I was desperate to hold onto someone

I wanted to be with, despite

 

everything the world would throw at us.

Someone that made my body feel light

 

and my heart race down

a narrow stretch of road,

 

trees blocking civilization from fantasy.

I told him that I forgave him.

 

His polyamorist inclination

was only to hide his lust,

 

but who was I?

Wasn’t I what he wanted?

 

Wasn’t I meant to be loved

by myself?

Wasn’t that what I meant

to do to begin with?