Silence is a bliss

I'm trying to come up with a poem for my foggy picture. I'm a photographer.

Heavy fog slowly settles down on the quiet little town. Everything stopped. The silence hung in the air. There's barely a soul seen on the street except for couple of old people strolling quietly on the sidewalk and crickets chirping. The world stopped.

Author's Note

Is there anything I should remove or add?

Reviews

[Ana D S M]

I took a stab... I like yours though, but since you asked.

The heavy fog slowly settles down on the quiet little town bringing everything to a halt.
Silence hangs in the air, barely a soul seen about, except an old people strolling quietly to the pace of crickets chirping. The world pauses in their presence.

[Caleb Joel]

Thank you so much Lilith! I posted my original poem because I don't want to steal other people's work. I like your perspective much better though. I'm here mainly to improve my speech and wording. Thank you again!

[Ana D S M]

It's not stealing if you ask for help with editing. Is it?
I don't know the rules but if you change your poem with any of my suggestions I wouldn't call it stealing. :). You wrote the meat of it, the creative seed is yours.

[Caleb Joel]

Well, thank you madam. You're very kind.

[Ana D S M]

You're welcome. :)