Don't Judge What You Dont Understand: A Three AM Ballad Pleeding for Seva

Woke up in the middle of the night with this.

Dont judge what you dont understand


My anxiety is compounded
Panic attacks with layers upon layers of garbage
Presenting, projecting into whatever is most in front of me at the time
Cause I am a first world cis white girl
Middle class raised
In a family that pretends we were perfect
While all playing the victim


Each of us go out there fighting for what is most important
Visibility for the invisible trauma that blocks our souls
But how much of that is self owned?
We talked and talk but fail to see
How fucked up the rest of the world is
Our problems are so small
Yet
We cant get past our own insecurities
Of something fucked up from our childhood


Guilt


It fluxuaiates with the different lies I tell myself
About how it's ok to not be ok
But in the end it is just karma playing itself out on my stage
And I need to get over it and escape this cage


Reality is my brain spiraling down
Bringing images about how a world a way a child starves
Another is sold as a slave
Woman raped
Did you know a whole city lives without toilets?
And that they say if you rape a virgin it will cure you of AIDS?
That's what they say a half a world away


My problems are so small in comparison
But wait
I am sure someone will come tell me
"This is survivors guilt" or some bs like that
Anything to validate the pain that I feel
Towards the wrongs I have been dealt
The reality is this
THIS
This is my reality
No one panic attack or anxiety is the same
My just masks the real rage
That I am stuck in a cage
Helplessly watching us twist one another in a selfish game
Cause I am chicken s**t


I want to change the world
But I dont know how
And I am angry at myself for never reaching out
So instead I panic over my boyfriend
Or the procrastinating packing
Work harder on making myself happy
But in reality?
I should just help others instead.