Anxiety

A poem from an anxiety attack

I wear a mask of cellophane
distorting the scars with my words.
I long for you to see me as the rising maryter.
Still that would require me being something more than I am

disconnected and discombobulated
Tearing and swearing
screaming at the unabridged version of myself
giving into the wake of the crying
who have nothing worth mourning

Fighting off this confusion that gives me great comfort,
and these fears that give me ground to stand on.
Pushing away your sweet kindness
As my mind wants nothing to do with your perfect fit
This self-punishment gives me something to grasp

Sickening myself with the wanting of the w***e
who calls us all to her side
we unabashedly answer to her
like puppies to a mothering hen
feeding into our own obsessions with addiction

How do we manage to find the strength to look inside our souls
or find our images in the mirrors.
Our bathrooms are cluttered with the makeup that conceals our blemishes
even from ourselves
and to the one who looks upon herself without such tricky?
A patted room built for two

worthless mortals who shun the ways of our fathers
tearing and screaming at the earth
which we have pledged our smallest moments of glee
we are discussing the greed
and dick measuring who's is more

Forget I came into your life
as now I long to leave it
with this comfort that I contort
into something that is a twisted as my soul
let go and drop yourself
lose to the knife
and give up on it.