Window

What does it take to eliminate all the pain one feels in life? To forget and move on?

I found myself drinking again. I liked feeling numb. People didn't understand that. It was always rum and coke. They'd ask me, "What are you drinking tonight William?" I'd tell them the same thing I had the night before, and the night before that. Then they'd leave me in my room. I'd sit in my chair and drink. I'd drink and drink and drink until the world around me spun into blotches and mixed hues of surreal images. I'd take my right hand and pinch and pat my right cheek to see how drunk I was. If I couldn't feel it I usually stopped drinking, but this often proved problematic.

Part way through the night I'd turn myself to face the window. I appreciated the world through this unmagnified lens, and I'd make myself believe that what I saw was the only real thing in life. What went on around me was irrelevant; nothing mattered when I hit the bottle. When I looked through this window everything seemed to click for me, and between drunken nods I felt free. I felt unburdened and lighter because the problems I had everywhere but the window were gone. Then I'd drink more because the feeling was beautiful to me.

"Call me what you want! I'll be your 'alcoholic.' I'll tell you anything you want to hear." I'd say when they'd come and check on me. I didn't care… but it was about this time I'd feel the pain of what I tried so desperately to shut out. It would start small, like a prick from a rose bush, beautiful, perfect, and the embodiment of love. Then it would grow and grow until I began to choke. I found the world outside my window blur and crumble as the emotions inside me fought their way to the front of my inebriated mind.

I'd then fall to the floor. The glass would shatter. The liquid would ripple. The beauty of the world outside my window would fade, and turn back into everything I tried so hard to escape.

Reviews

[BLR]

Ah a story of alcoholism, a fine read

[ScarlettTheDreamer]

This was nice. It seemed to explain the famous quote, 'there's no such thing as right or wrong, its just a matter of how you percieve it'. A good read.