I would've

I would’ve done the things I could

To save you from the pit of hell

I would’ve fought, I would’ve won

Cleared your way to heaven and beyond

But you were keen on battling alone

Never let a chance to help you out

And now you’re gone, dead and past

My heart is stricken, sad and lost

You were my sunshine, the one I loved

Now I’m left to grieve at your grave

 

Reviews

[Carl]

I like this peice alot. I like the way it is written in the past. I like the way the feel of the poem changes about half way down. From the line "You were keen on batteling alone" I like the way you have kept the identity of the poems subject a secret. People will presume it is a bout a man. But i think it could have been about a relative maybe a Mother or Father or Sister or Brother. To me the depth of this peice seems deeper than it this was just about "a man". I like the strength in line 3 I would have fought I would have won. There is an assuredness about that line. Sometimes there is nothing stronger than a woman. This poem is full of emotion anger regret loss are all intwind within it's lines. and the fianlity of the last line as you stand at a graveside mourning a sad loss. Maybe reflecting as you stand there on what may have been if things were different. And thinking I Would've done it differently. A great peice and a brave peice i admire your strength in sharing this in closing i ask you not to balme yourself for what happened.
Take Care Kat

[Mary Katherine]

beautiful. it takes talent to pour so much emotion into so few lines...great job. keep writing!

[Ankhesen Mié]

To-the-point sorrow. Raw and bleeding. Sounds like you could've used a drink, mate.

[Jay Ligda]

I feel like writing you a poem, "Ugh! Sorry I didn't know!" as a response from the men that have to "do it alone." Sad to get to the end of life and look back and realize what we missed out on, that we left behind, that in spite the screaming voices we did not hear.

Regarding the poem, if it were mine there are a few things I would have done differently to keep the rhythm in the 7th and last line.

[Haley Smith]

Beautiful. I can totally and completely relate... they don't even have to be dead in a literal sense. You see a loved one that is in desperate need of help but their pride gets in the way and you watch them suffer even more. Great job!