Used

I waited for you every hour of every damn day

But you never gave a s**t; I was simply your prey

 

You used every ounce of me, sucked me dry

Looked away whenever you heard me cry

 

I meant nothing to you; it’s all falling in place

You went at your own pace, skipped first base

 

When fun was not fun anymore, you left me

And you thanked God to be gone, you were free

 

But you were the problem, you were the flaw

You got rid of me because I didn’t follow your law

 

I wasn’t good enough in the end, you got bored

Just stupid excuses, you were good at those, Oh Lord

 

I have no clue what to do; I’ve given up on love

But maybe God will one day send me my white dove

 

Reviews

[J. Marc]

Well, first of all, one must tell about the incredible energy that is seen in this poem. I guess it translates your true feelings and experience that's why it appears so real. As for the content itself, well, the least I can say is that one should not give up on love but rather use it to cure from all the previous wounds, as a tool of rejuvenation and appreciation of life...again! How could you not inspire love any more........?!

[Samith Pich]

Good to hear you writing something with a bit of oomph to it! It's strong, slightly bitter, dammning and resolute. The language is clear and bites better for it:


I waited for you every hour of every damn day
But you never gave a s**t; I was simply your prey

I like the way you don't just play the damsel, you turn it back on the person:

But you were the problem, you were the flaw
You got rid of me because I didn't follow your law

and how you even admit you're own inadequacies:

Just stupid excuses, you were good at those, Oh Lord

aka you still fell for them!

It's really hard to find a word that rhymes with love, i once did a long meandering poem with the last couplets rhyming love and dove because i couldn't think of much else lol

however, in my opinion, for such a strong poem, it loose punch when you go for love and white dove. Obviously you're not speaking literally - but what would one do with a white dove anyway?? (except set it free??)

[Erica]

Wow. There really is lots of passion in this. Things have happened to me recently that made me feel exactly like that. You can tell a piece of writing is truly great when the reader thinks "That is what I feel put into words. That's what I wish I could say." Very nice!

[Ashes of Apathy]

There is a lot of passion in your words. Its unmistakable. I like the stanza to stazna flow of the piece. As if for each action that has caused you pain, there is a reaction that gives you solice and /or hope. I like the line "when fun wasn't fun anymore, you left me." It's simplisticly speaks volumes about the struggles that each of us go through when trying to make it through the throws of the dreaded monotany that inevidabley sets in with each relationship we endure. Keep looking, never give up cause you learn and grow each time you try. Keep you head up. ;)
-jr

[justink :):)]

i like this write it shows a person in morn

justintime
justin

[maestro]

The poem sounds really bitter...but it's got a nice beat to it..I like the ending "But maybe God will one day send me my white dove" at least whoever she is still has hope in finding true love, great job!

[Charisma Moonfairy]

A very nice piece of work that politely tells the story of heart break. Kudos.

[Amanda Avalon]

Ah, usery... is it just me, or does that seem to be the theme of the last few weeks? It feels good to read pieces such as this and know others can sympathise with the things I'm going through!

You went at your own pace, skipped first base
It sucks that there are people out there that don't believe their actions have an effect people... or is it, rather, that they just don't care? Turning someone into their "slave" so to speak, then throwing them aside as if they were nothing when the other person starts to get emotional... not exactly something that puts a spring in one's step!

I have no clue what to do; I've given up on love
But maybe God will one day send me my white dove

Most of the time when it comes to love, you'll find what you're looking for when you stop looking! But never, ever feel like you need to stop living and enjoying your life until that day comes... there are so many interesting people, things, and experiences to behold in life!

[Nely Amorim]

I can certainly feel your pain... and the worse crime is taking away your confidence to love again.. that crime more than the others ... also your trust... hard to get that back... i wish you well.

[[untitled]]

men suck.

feel the pain though.

Good stuff!!!