It took me longer than I care to admit to truly understand that if I dont address these sort of vague misunderstood confusion & darkness issues my mind seems to harbor so instinctively well... Then consciously reflect .... Do my best to understand or @ least accept these issues and the mystery of what has always felt so bad and conflicted within myself ...At times effecting my whole outlook and self worth to a point of completely loosing all control of my behaviors, my option of making choices and my actions that have time and time again drove away everything that I love and is most important to me ....If I keep running from myself, the longer I keep abandoning my own fears, worries, needs and concerns and just resolve in that believable lie of, I am just flawed and have never or will ever be good enough, the longer i do this the harder it will be to find the true me the real me .....