'special'

I hate being treated like I'm unable to do the smallest task.

Teachers are spoon feeding me information because I'm in a 'special' class.

I have special teachers.

I have a special schedule.

I have special requirments that others must meet because I can't do them on my own.

There is nothing special about me.

So what if I can't read or write as fast as the class?

So what if sometimes my thoughts run away from me?

I don't care if I speak with a stutter or words are on the tip of my tongue but I don't know how to say them.

I've gotten around these struggles before high school.

Then suddenly they feel that I should be thrown in and told that I have a disability?

I'm not disabled. 

Sure, I shut down sometimes. 

I get frustrated with myself because I'm not as fast or smart as my peers.

It hurts when they physically can't understand what I'm trying to say.

And it's embarassing to walk around my school getting odd looks.

I blink alot, I flop my head, I grunt in the back of my throat, my hands are always twitching.

And I think it scares people.

I don't like this life but it's the one I've been given.

So I gotta make do

Author's Note

This is just me venting lol. Sorry about that. I did have an amazing special ed teacher though for the past 3 years. She was very involved in my personal life. When she found out about my dad's arrest, she offered to go to my school concerts as well as my sister's because my dad wasn't available anymore. When she found out about my mom being diagnosed with cancer a few months later, she got together with a few teachers and they offered to make meals for my family because my mom was always tired and sick. She was truely the best teacher and she invited me to lunch once this pandemic is over. I'm looking forward to that :)