Popularity

People ask me why I don't talk. It's not for lack of trying, it's just that I have nothing to say. I like to listen and express my interest in the coversation. 

I guess I'm not that used to being included in a friend group. Before high school it was always just my sister and I. We played by ourselves, we had lunch by ourselves, it was always just us. We didn't need to be with anyone else.

But then middle school started and she found her own group of friends. Until that point, I never truly felt alone as I did now. I was always that one kid who would sit at lunch by themselves not daring to meet anyone's eyes for fear of being judged.

There was this set of twins that always made me sit with their friend group, but they were all older than me and I just awkwardly sat with them not wanting to intrude on their discussions about boys or what the latest style is.

I didn't have a phone so I couldn't text my sister and her schedule was different from mine. This was the first time we ever went to different schools. We were both adjusting to going to a new school but she was welcomed with open arms.

I hate to say this, but I was jealous. I'm older and it used to be me that always knew what to do. I know she looked up to me to point her in the right direction. 

But starting the second part of our lives made her more independant. 4 years have come and gone and I was in my first year of high school.

We were all reunited with kids from elementary school who we never talked to but became some of my closest friends in high school after being apart for close to 5 years. 

I'm a senior now. I've met some of my teachers from elementary school this year. They noticed the change in me before I did. I was more happy, I was more active and focused, I was less anxious. That was because I met some really amazing people and I have more friends of the awkward and geeky variety than I thought I would ever have.

I've always dreamed of being popular. But I've seen those 'popular' kids rise and then become their own downfall by treating those around them like trash. I realized that popularity isn't about how many people you know or how many 'friends' you have. It's about having that one person in your life that you get along with. It doesn't matter if you have 1 or 100 friends, you will be popular because people will want to be your friend. Not because they feel like they have to. 

Author's Note

To clear up any confusion, my sister is 2 years younger than me. But the year I went to middle school she started at the elementary school across the street. That way I can cross the street after school to pick her up and hang out in the playground for an hour or so while waiting for my mom to come get us from work.

Our favorite afternoon would be when my mom had to work late and my dad would come get us. He's drive us to his office and he had a popcorn machine. So we'd eat popcorn and color while his coworkers would walk in and give us other treats like candy or a cookie from the cafeteria every now and then.