Sorry not sorry

I apologize.

But I'm not apolozing to you.

I'm apologizing to me.

I'm not sorry that you think so little of me.

I'm not sorry that all you wanted was what I couldn't offer.

I'm not sorry that you had to spend minutes of your day just to tell me how lucky I am to have you.

I am sorry, however, that I am the one to fall victim to your lies.

That I had to hang on every word just so that I could feel good about myself.

You have taken this heart and this soul, and you have broken it.

Over and over again.

You have tried to crush my confidence and my pride with it.

But you didn't. 

I wouldn't let you.

I have always been proud of myself.

Because no one else was.

You would look into my eyes and say I'm nothing.

I would look right back at you and say, then I guess we're the perfect match.

I have never known love.

But I knew enough to know that love is not what we shared.

We were never truly in a relationship.

I kept telling you no.

I didn't want you.

I was in middle school.

You were in high school.

I would see you after school every day.

I would tell you to leave me alone.

You wouldn't. 

You told me not to tell.

You never did anything, but you were always just there.

In my dreams, during the day, during the night, by my house just looking at me through the window.

I told you I wouldn't tell.

But just like you...I lied.

I told and then you were gone. 

You stopped showing up to my school.

I stopped having to leave through the back door of my home.

You were just gone.

And I couldn't have been more happy.

I could finally live without worrying about being followed on my walks home or to the park.

Because I told.

That's when I realized, the only thing I'm sorry about...is that I didn't tell anyone sooner.

Author's Note

Please excuse any grammar mistakes. It's pretty late at night, so I was tired. Thanks for reading

Reviews

[barleygirl]

This is a brilliant profile of this kind of hanging-on person in one's life. I have had people like this who were determined to make me love them, even tho I told them many times that I do not. You tell the story with such equanimity, as if you're not even ruffled about it, you're just showing, piece by piece, that all this s**t was going on around you, but what was inside you never changed. That's what I love about you. You know yourself & you don't get swept away by false breezes (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Faust]

Thank you so much for these kind words :)

[HadesRising]

Forgot to rate so have a 70

[HadesRising]

Interesting, so many thoughts come to mind.