Letters to loved ones

My dearest April Faust,

Though we may not seem to see eye to eye, and we may disagree upon many things in our life, I care for you deeply. You are my eye in the hurricane, my calm before the storm. I used to think that I knew you like I knew my own mind, but I have come to realize that that simply is not true. You may call yourself dumb on many occasions, but I know the truth. You are simply afraid because you have come upon the realization that there is nothing that your mind can’t do. You are scared of showing people who you are because you are afraid to overstep any boundaries that your peers have placed in front of you. You say your mind is chaotic and there is no peace, that you are running non-stop and you simply can’t seem to wait. But I don’t see anything that is wrong with that. I know you’re very busy and I know your work’s important, but if you would allow me to share a fragment of your mind and allow me to make you smile like you did so long ago, then that would be enough. I’m not afraid even though we both don’t know what is to come of this nightmare that we call life, but let me tell you something. We don’t need a legacy. Your legacy shall be in your future children. They shall live on and with that your name. Your children shall be your legacy. I have written many essays on discrimination, on equality, on women’s rights. Some of which are historical, so of which are of today. I want to teach young minds and watch them blossom. I want them to know that no matter who you are or where you're from, you can be great, you can be your own ruler. In every young child I come across, I see you in their eyes. I miss your beautiful eyes that once held a fiery passion. You used to always have words to say like you just couldn’t seem to run out. You always had to prove me wrong somehow, didn’t you? I may be older but you are far wiser. Our family has a reputation to uphold and when people think of the legacy that our family shall leave behind, they think of me because I am the first born. But it is not within my fate to buFild a legacy other than my own. Nor is it yours. Everyone tells me to live on to finish what our parents have started. But I believe we should be together long enough to start our own future.

Sincerely always,

Your sister

Emily Faust

Dearest Father,

You have always told me to not cry. So I have always believed that I was not allowed to feel grief. I used to cry in front of you all the time, not because I wanted comfort, bur because you were simply there. But then you said those words that have stuck with me to this point. Years later, when mom got sick, you said you were wrong and it is ok to cry. I didn’t believe you at that time, and I was holding strong. That is until I saw you crying as well. That broke my resolve. I have never seen you cry before and to be honest it scared me. I was scared of losing you to the court of law and I was scared of losing mom to cancer. I didn’t know what was to come. Not knowing has always been upsetting. I apologize if this letter isn’t very long, but I felt like these words needed to be said. I love you, even after everything you have done. I used to believe that you didn’t love me back, but when you so openly cried in front of me, I knew I was wrong. I was so, so wrong and I’m sorry for that. But I still can’t bring myself to cry in front of you. No matter the reason for my tears. I am crying right now as I write this. You know that big tree in our backyard? When I am upset, I climb. I know that is probably not allowed, but it offers me a distraction. The burn in my muscles as I pull myself up to sit on the branch above me proves to me that I am still alive. That I am still there and I will live on to do great things. Sometimes I wonder if you are proud of me. I think you are, but I have some doubts. It seems no matter what I do, it is never good enough. Living is hard, it’s painful. But I do it anyway, I don’t have much of a choice.

Sincerely,

Emily Faust

Dear mom,

I miss you so much. You are in and out of the hospital so much these days. Everytime I visit you, I can see your body shutting down. I can see the troubled look you give dad and I know you guys aren’t telling me something. I know you're probably scared. But I want you to know that we, as a family, will be fine. If you leave we will be sad but we will live on for you. I love you so much, even though I have never said those words to your face. But I love you, you are my life and my world. I feel regretful on how I have treated you. I would snap, I would yell, I would grow frustrated because you never understood me even though I know you tried. I think you know that I love you, but I had to say it anyway. I don’t want you to go. I want you to be there for graduation, for my wedding. I want you to meet your grandchildren. This family needs you. But if you let go, we will be ok. I love you more than words can explain.

Love,

Emily Faust

Author's Note

These are all letters I have written to each member of my family. I feel that I should explain the first letter to my sister. She and I are both really big Hamilton fans even though we have never seen the musical. We have listened to the soundtrack on many occasions. So in her letter, I added some words from the musical.