Quiet

I don't want to be alone anymore

Quiet. I never knew how quiet quiet could be. I could never stand the silence. But now silence is all there will ever be. Mom's not going to be home for a long time and dad's always with mom. When he does come home, it is very late and he is upset and angry. I try to wait up for him because I don't know how long I can stand the quiet. I miss dad. I miss mom. I miss hanging out with them and watching tv and eating ice cream together. Now, I just eat ice cream by myself in the dark. Alone. That's what I am. I don't like being alone. I have always been afraid to be by myself. I'm scared of what is going to happen if one day, my dad doesn't come home at all. He has been staying out later and later lately. I'm scared, I'm alone, and I try to stay strong but it's hard. I don't know what I am supposed to do in this situation. This doesn't feel right to me. This is not how are family is supposed to function. I can actually see our family falling apart in front of my eyes and it gives me a bad feeling. What if my mom loses her battle to cancer? What if my dad loses his battle in his hearing in October? Will I forever be alone? I don't know where I would go. I try not to think like this, I know there is a chance everything will be ok, but this is all too new. But everyone is telling me to just live one day at a time. 

Author's Note

Thanks for reading

Reviews

[barleygirl]

You do a great job of showing how a young person responds to a life full of uncertainties. This is a clear picture of a very stressful home situation. I could very much see it & feel it from the eyes of such a person, your writing is so clear. Yet I also see the difference between this approach & how it was for me in my childhood of regular abuse for years. I did not question my family situation. I did not compare how we were like or unlike other families. From what I'd seen, all families were broken & dysfunctional, so I would not have made a statement like in your piece: "This is not how are family is supposed to function."

Even after growing old & getting over the abuse, I still have the jaded outlook that all families are full of strain & dysfunction. I understand why it feels good to let out the stress-filled responses to a tough situation. But I also remember how it was for me in my teens. I did not say much about the problems at home, but I threw myself into productive avenues of life, like working & playing & creating in lots of different ways. When I was busy, it drowned out the black thoughts & anxiety. I'm not slamming you for sharing such bleak feelings . . . you did a strong realistic tapestry of how it feels . . . I just wanted to show another way of coping. Thanks for understanding (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Faust]

Thanks for sharing your story, Margie :) And thanks for the review

[Cherrie]

You'll discovered that the strength you offer other's will help you as much as anyone else. Not everyone knows how to find inner strength.

I know it's hard to have a grown up conversation with parents. Especially when they see you as a child.
If you have another family member you can talk this out with you should.
Remember,
Stress can put a overwhelming strain on a couple. They may not even be aware of the stress it causes you. A job is a great way to burn stress and provide a much needed diversion.

Writing about your feelings can be very therapeutic.

[Kent Rawski]

Have you any close family near that could be a support for you a grandmother? What you are going through is not easy you need someone close to be with you who can love on you.I pray when there's nothing I can do about something.Staying active with others will help some. Do you have any afterschool activities you can join? Lifes hard lessons I believe can help us to grow as individuals yeh you gotta stay positive exercise will help with stress Wishing you the best

[Faust]

Thank you for these words :) I'm starting a new job in a couple of weeks. I've been off work for a while so I guess I've just been a bit bored.

[Kent Rawski]

Glad to hear that you sound better

[TL]

i can really relate to this... when it seems as if everyone and everything is slowly crumbling around you and the only thing that is stable is the silence in the air... i can see the emotion in this piece; it's well done