The impact parents have on the mind of a child

The minutes tick by, the only sound coming from the clock on my bedroom wall. I sit there on my bed, just listening to the rythm of every second. I listen to the 60 ticks indicating another minute has gone by. Another minute of me just sitting here, doing nothing but wallow in my own self pity. Faintly, I can hear my parents' chatter coming from somewhere downstairs. Just knowing that they are down there pretending that they hadn't just broken down my spirit and confidence is enough to make me want to cry all over again. They talk about responsibility and how I have none. They talk about how when they were kids, they didn't need to have this lectur. I've wanted so many times to just jump up and shout "I'm not you!" But I've never had the courage. They are my parents and I'd like to think they know what they're doing. I know that I don't have the best grades. But I'm not failing any classes. My lowest grade is a C. But they don't care. I work 2 part time jobs. But they don't care. I've been trying my best to make them happy. But they don't care. They just don't care. Not about me, not about my sister, not about our struggles as a family. I've been waiting for 16 years for them to say "I'm proud of you" I know I'm probably selfish for wanting that, so I've given up. No longer do I show them my test grades that is finally above a C. No longer do I run up and tell them that I've won some music award at school. They will never say they are proud of me. I've just recently gotten one of them to say that they love me. The day they said that, I was giddy the whole day. I have one wish for the future. I don't want to learn to loath my parents, because they have don'e nothing wrong. But I can't help but feel a little resentment toward them. I just want them to show me some affection. Just a little is enough. Just so that I know that they do care. I want to feel loved by them. Not belittled for making mistakes. I don't want to sit alone in my room anymore, minute after minute, with only my thoughts to keep me company. I don't want to have to keep fixing the broken peices after every verbal beating I recieve. But for now, I will just have to take the hurtfull things they say, each word feeling like a slap. For now, I will have to sit alone in my bedroom, with the small clock hanging on my wall. I must feel content with just watching life pass me by instead of living it. 

Author's Note

Thanks for reading :)

Reviews

[Onlyme]

I could really feel the frustration, sadness and hurt inside this piece. I can fully understand how you felt. As I was in the same sort of situation. With my own parents growing up. No matter what I did. They just didn't care, or even value or love me. Going from one extreme to the other to get validation and love from them. Made no difference. Then one day. I realized I had to start to love me for me. And put me first for me. As no matter what I could or would have done. Nothing would have helped me in good esteem with them ever. That was just the way they were and we're going to stay regards me and my life with them. As a child growing up you just want your parents to validate admire, show some interest and love to you. To prove they love you and wanted you. That you were not just born to them. Because they had to have you and nothing else.