Do I dare (yes, I do)

A poem about abuse

Alone,

In what I once believed to be my home.

I hear a door open from somewhere.

Should I dare,

To leave the safety of my room,

To find the awaiting doom,

Of the person that I used to love with all my heart,

Only for them to tear my heart apart,

Do I dare,

To wonder down the hall to find that disappointed stare,

Of someone who really doesn't care,

That I am even there,

Do I dare to leave my bed,

To go to someone who wishes I were dead,

Who when I see, my heart fills with dread,

All because I left the safety of my bed,

To wander about,

With my own self doubt,

To try to make things the way they once were before,

Only to realize that my parents won't love me anymore,

Do I care enough to dare?

Yes I do.

Author's Note

This is my first attempt at a spoken word poem. I don't know if it is good or not. I didn't even know what spoken word was until recently. Hope you enjoy:)

Reviews

[emipoemi]

I've heard many spoken word pieces, but this is the best I have ever experienced (heard OR read). For to tell you the truth, this is not exactly spoken word. Not in flow at least. From what I've experienced at poetry events, the rhymes are simply scattered and it sounds a bit like rap. This is not spoken word. The theme is powerful, and flow is great (in a couple of lines you could tweak it up so that it flows better, but then again, I haven't heard this performed, and much of spoken word is about the poet's delivery - it's why it's called "spoken word").

On another note: "wander" (to roam about) is the word you want, not "wonder" (to think); the line "Who when I see...." is a bit confusing, and the "All because....of my bed" is odd given three lines prior you say "Do I dare to leave my bed", and the interval doesn't really explain clearly that the "I" of the poem has left their bed in the first place. The reader only understands that they're thinking about it; "IN my own self-doubt"; Because the title is "Do I dare", keep that as the refrain (that first time you say "should I dare"); and finally, simply be careful with punctuation. Not every line needs to end in a comma or period. If the thought runs to the next line, leave the end of the previous line blank

(Example:
"Do I dare
To leave the safety of my room
To find the awaiting doom
Of the person.....")

And don't be afraid of semi-colons, either. There are a couple of places that they could be placed. Or simply put a period. Basically, some commas could be periods, and some don't need to be there at all. But all in all, Emily, this is amazing, and that ending is absolutely kil-ler!! Well freaking done!

[barleygirl]

I know nothing about "spoken word poems" but when I write, I pay attention to the way the reading sounds. I thought this was an ordinary thing most poets do! *smile* Your poem reads very well, as you work with the way your words sound, plus the questioning resembles the way an incessant mind might torture a person from the inside. This is a very realistic sound for the way an obsessive-compulsive mind goes on & on, asking a question over & over (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Coyote Poetry]

You did well. Would be a powerful verbal poem. Bad and dangerous situation create by your words. Abuse person need to scream-out and escape. Thank you Emily for sharing the powerful poetry.
Coyote

[Faust]

Thanks for the review!

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome Emily.

[Cherrie Palmer]

You have a strong message set to a easy to feel rhythm.
Your rhyme is simple and not over done. I'm glad I stumbled upon it.

[Faust]

Thank you for the review:)

[Jade]

I think you did a wonderful job with this write, Read it as spoken to yourself and see it flows and sounds right to you.

[Wesley Dingler]

so I don't usually read literature dealing so strongly with the nature of abuse--of any kind--but you've got me reading and liking this. It showcases a powerful and observant voice--though timid here and there--of a young and talented woman with a lot to say about a lot.
Keep feeding us. Your work is really going somewhere.

[Rye]

This is very good for a spoken word, relatable indeed.

[Jacob Clifford]

All too relatable. A person's own mind can hurt them worse than anyone else. I think I've mentioned it before: you do very well at getting inside a person's head and making them feel your words. This poem dragged up within me all the unpleasant emotions that are written about. I always appreciate it when things with dark subject matter end on an optimistic note. Another great write!

[Faust]

Thanks. Happy new year:)