The Lie We Live

We are told lies every day. We believe what they want us to believe.

Everyday, we wake up and live the same day as yesterday. Each morning, we wake up and have the same routine. Often we would walk the streets and see others walking the streets as well. People who all have there own storys to tell. People who all have there own lives to live. But what if I were to tell you that the life we live is a lie? We are given information, and each and every one of us believes it. We are part of an organization that live separate lives from the rest of the world. We are part of a different community. A community with different resources. 

The organization we are in guids us. It watches over us. It restricts us. It makes us special. The organization tells us what to do. It tells us how to do it. And we do it without question. We put our service into this world that we created for ourselves. A world where there is no disappointment. There are no differences. Everything is the same. The people, the houses, the clothes, the cities and streets, even everyone's personalities. If there are no differences, there is no dissapointment. 

Author's Note

This is just the beginning of a story. I have never written a story before and I don't know what I am doing. Plz comment and tell me where I should go with this or if I should write about something else. Thanks

Reviews

[emipoemi]

Nothing is as it seems - quite right. A couple of grammar notes, if I may: "everyday" is an adjective/adverb, "every day" is what you'd want here. Also, repeating the same words in the the same sentence is a tad awkward and undermining, and I would suggest playing with other ways of getting that message across. Example(s): the First and Third sentence, regarding "day" and "streets". The "streets" repetition is more awkward given how it's phrased, and could easily be tweaked into something more powerful that means the exact same thing (the "day" repetition can as well). Play around with it. This is a good start and I look forward to seeing how the story unfolds.

[Faust]

Thanks for the review. It really helps. I have never writen before and I have no idea what I am doing. You seem like a very experienced writer and I feel like I have learned alot from this review.

[emipoemi]

....well, I've been writing for 10 years and mentoring for 4. I'm always happy to help.

read more....well, I've been writing for 10 years and mentoring for 4. I'm always happy to help.

(also, just a tip: the best way to learn how to write is by reading. And I can tell you there are a lot of people on here who are spectacular. Take a gander at their work, see what they have to offer, you could even read mine if you so please. But the bottom line is you'll never know how to begin welding the pen (or keys) if you haven't taken the time to read what the veterans have put out......once you've done that, then you'll be ready for the next step).

[emipoemi]

....so apparently this glitched, and my "tip" was cut off entirely. It was essentially advising you to read more of the veteran writers (which hilariously is summed up by the glitch), for only then will you be able to understand what writing means and how to go about it. Good luck. If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask.

[Faust]

Thanks. I will probably be asking for your advise if I continue to write. I am on winter break and then right after we are preparing for finals, so I might not be able to write for a while.

[emipoemi]

in your own time. There's no rush.

[‘Thoughts In Time..]

I agree its all a lie an illusion if confusion- people are robotic just coming and going to scared to look deeper further search for truth- binding them to lies of society- - its a twisted system ppl need to open thier eyes before its too late- well said🌹

[Faust]

Thanks you:)

[‘Thoughts In Time’🌹]

My pleasure🌹

[Jef]

This could be a story that goes into the era of misinformation. You in now in some countries this is the case. They are told only what is needed and are only exposed to what the government thinks is right. Who are we to talk though. I can see an amazing story coming out of this.

[Faust]

That is a very good idea. Thanks. Honestly I had no idea where I was going with this story.

[Faust]

If you have any more ideas, I would love to hear them.

[barleygirl]

I like the message that you want to tell in your story. So far, you are TELLING us how life can be, but the first rule of good writing is SHOW instead of tell. Many times a story like this will start out with an example of what you are trying to explain, except you SHOW it with action or conversation or just introducing us to the characters of your story & showing us how they think & feel, as far as your main message. If I were starting a story like this, I would imagine myself sitting at an airport, which is a great place to people watch. I would tell a few little vignettes about this person & that person, who I see at the airport. In this way, you can show the routines, you can show the different stories that people can tell us by how they dress, how they talk, etc. I am very interested to see you go further with this. There are so many places you could take a story on this topic. If you continue this, feel free to read request me (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[SleeplessVolcano]

Well, to know where you are going, it would be great to make it clear where you are starting. What I mean with that is - who is talking? Who is the narrator? When you say "we", that is too general. If you wrote an article for a newspaper and you are talking about a collective "we", as inhabitants of the same city, then it would make sense. But I think using "I" would be more effective, i.e. first person. So, make these thoughts real. Be more specific about the routine of your life - yes, it may sound "boring" to you, but as you explain in a little bit more detail, what you (or your character) does each day, you would find readers who can associate with your story.

And then, of course, have a clear focus of what you are writing. "A story" is too vague. Start with a short story, which should not be longer than 10 000 words but could be as little as 750. Yes, some writers, like myself, shamefully, are way too ambitious and claim to be writing a novel. More than 50 plots further I am still not past page 10. So simplify your writing by finding a topic. Some focal area of life that you like to write about. Something which people would want to read. Something relevant. Something unique. Yes, that is hard to find, but we'll find it eventually if we look hard enough :)

[Rye]

I like what you have so far, I'd like to read more.