heart and mind

A Story by denisepauline

what do we get when the heart is confused with the mind

Go away you piece of s**t, I growled. But instead of the expected reaction of fear, he sneered, looking more amused than ever. Why should I? He was grinning more now.

His memory was haunting me. Then I’d make the constant threat to obliterate it. And the person in my mind would just smirk, as if reminding me that I wouldn’t be able to go on. And because I made the threat constantly, he’d just be amused, knowing I can’t intend to carry on the threat.

And also he’d smile, knowing the fact that I used to love that silly grin. Or maybe I really still do.

Yeah, I know… amusing.

Ladies and gentlemen, as much as hard as I try… I can’t. I can’t obliterate that memory. I loved him. True to my word... crazy as the beating of my heart. Insanely loving the way he cheers me up with just a witty joke.

My mind plays those tricks he could’ve used on me. There was the crazy side of the argument going on inside me for almost a year. Did you even love me?

Would you mind to tell me what happened with us?

I buried my anger after a few months. And now, not knowing if what I did was right, I’m still standing at in front of the very thing I turned my back on. I faced you when I buried my frustrations and now that you have your skimpy new girlfriend, I’m still standing, shuffling my feet. And I thought I made the right decision to be friends with you. But all I fear now is whether I can still muster up strength to stop myself from crying. Bloody you… damn memory.

Hate you who wouldn’t leave me alone. I told you to go away. And you still stay in front of me smiling. And yet, I couldn’t blame you. You’re my memory. You’re the person I’ve learned to love for a long time and eventually to forgive. Whether I made you up or you were real, I don’t really much care. You haunted me, unknowing. But still remembering the smug I felt when I know you’re thinking of me too.

You couldn’t leave my mind. So pretty much, I had to go away. Not you. You had to stay, but away from me, my consciousness. I wish I said the truth when I’ve forgotten you. Forgotten what I should’ve have thought, yes. But the whole of you, never could my mind forget even I’m angry with you.

And once again, you annoyed me. Never even bothered to tell me that that was what happened.

But so what, right? Time enveloped us, brought us together initially, but faded apart. I accepted quickly enough that that was it. But I can’t leave you, not while you’re still grinning at me.

Jerk.

And funny enough, I conceded to stay, for a while maybe.

At least until someone else will drive you away.