The War of Beauty

When Zelos Wilder challenges Tamaki Suoh to a battle of looks, chaos and pandemonium reign down! This was written by me and a friend of mine. Rated Teen. DISCLAIMER:I DO NOT OWN ANYBODY!!

There was a knight in shiny armor. He thought he was the most beautiful thing in the world.

But then, Zelos Wilder came along and challenged him,

"I am the most beautiful man here. As such, you cannot be."

But the knight removed his facial armor and it turned out to be Tamaki Suoh. He said,"Alas Zelos, I cannot accept your challenge. I must gracefully decline." Zelos laughed and pulled Lloyd Irving beside himself and said,"I didn't mean hand-to-hand. Whoever can get the most dates wins!" Lloyd gave a sigh, knowing this couldn't end well.

Kyoya walked into the room with his little black book and said to Tamaki,"There will have to be conditions. This could make some good profit for the Host Club, but it may not end as you hope."

Zelos gave a sigh and punched Kyoya in the face and yelled"Begin!" and rushed off in a flurry of dust to get dates, accidently running over Link right before he could finish off Ganon.

Kyoya, having a bloody nose, got up and waddled to the nurse's office where multiple Ohtori medical doctors helped him.

As Zelos was running, Kaoru and Hikaru had set up a trap for Zelos. Zelos looked at the gorgeous woman waiting for him. It was Hikaru in disguise. She said,"Let's play the which one is Hikaru game!"

So Zelos, assuming Hikaru was a boy, picked Kaoru. So Hikaru yelled,"@#$%&!" and slapped him hard in the face with his purse. Zelos looked at him indignantly and yelled"Fireball!" and burned Hikaru to a smoldering pile of blinking ash in standard anime fashion.

Kaoru ran over crying, "Hikaru! Daijobu?" and knelt down beside his smoldering brother.

Roses seemed to materialize all around them, as Kaoru's "brotherly love" returned Hikaru back to normal.

Kaoru and Hikaru both pulled out flamethrowers and burned all of Zelos' hair off.

"You-(we interupt this program to warn all small children to cover their ears. We're back!)

"Zelos! Your hair!"Lloyd cried, running over as Hikaru and Kaoru walked off laughing.

"Don't worry,"Zelos said,"It's a wig!"

And with that, his luscious red locks fell about his shoulders once more.

"Wow,"Lloyd said and Zelos gave a cry of "Noone stands a chance against the great Zelos!"

"You mean noone can stande you, right?"Lloyd asked.

"That was seriously harsh,"Zelos replied.

As he turned to walk away in victory, Hikaru and Kaoru yelled" MORI! HUNNY!" and they appeared out of nowhere. Hunny threw Zelos down to the ground and said"Now Takashi!" and Mori pulled out the sword he had used in kendo practice and he chopped off the real hair, giving Zelos a hideous mullet.

"You @#$%&@!" Zelos yelled. "Sheena, my sweet demonic banshee, kill him!"

Sheena Fujibayashi from the village of Mizuho appeared in a puff of smoke and round-housed kicked Takashi into a tree, knocking him unconscious. Hikaru and Kaoru stared in wonder.

"Big b***s!" they cried at the same time and Sheena punched them in the face angrily.

Then Yasuchika pinned her against the same tree with his shuriken.

But seeing her b***s, he got a nosebleed and had to go to the nurse's office where Kyoya was still being treated.

Tamaki walked over happily and saw all the people scattered everywhere and immediatly began to walk away again.

However, Zelda appeared in front of him and used her up smash from Melee on him, taking 50% damage against his frail body, sending him shooting upwards into a star.

"GAME!" the announcer yelled and it went to the results screen, showing unconscious(fainted) Zelos, unconscious Takashi, bleeding Hikaru and Kaoru, stuck Sheena, bleeding Yasuchika and Kyoya, and victorious Zelda.

And then Renge appeared on a powerful motor, laughing manically. Then she ripped off her uniform, exposing her cosplay of Rikku from Final Fantasy X-2. She took her weapons and pinned Zelos to the tree. Then she put Takashi next to him and took pictures.

"MOE!-"She ran to her computer and posted the pictures online. Then she disappeared on the powerful motor.

The loud noise woke Zelos and seeing Takashi so close to him, screamed like a little girl. But since he was pinned to a tree, he wailed out,"Sheena! Please help me!"

She appeared in a puff of smoke and spotted Mori on the ground. She fell madly in love and tried taking Mori with her. Then Mitsukuni appeared and drop-kicked her in he face. But this didn't stop Sheena. She grabbed Mori, threw him over her shoulder and disappeared.

Mitsukuni burst into tears and stuffed his face with strawberry shortcake.

"Quit crying!"Zelda yelled angrily, slapping Hunny across the face.

"But I can't!"Hunny wailed,"I'm out of cake!" Hikaru and Kaoru both muttered,"Typical" and left the scene to see where Tamaki had disappeared to.

Zelos, meanwhile was attempting to force his hair to grow back with some Mr. Fubby Foamy's Instant Hair Dye. Zelos did not see that it was hair dye, not hair growth, and ended up coloring his bald scalp purple. He looked in the mirror and screamed in delight.

"Sqee! Purple's my favorite color!"

Lloyd looked at him and said,"You look so ugly now,"

And Zelos drop-kicked him in the face madly.

Lloyd gave a cry as a nosebleed formed from the kick. He ran off to find Raine so she could heal him.

Meanwhile, Zelos was singing,"I'm a purple girl, in an ugly world! It's so purplastic, it's fantastic...!"

But the Zuka Club appeared and said,"Just like a male...terrible. You're off key, your posture is a mess..."

"And those shoes don't go with that top,"Zelos said and the Zuka club gave a cry of indignation and began beating him sensless.

Sheena appeared with her new baby, Takasheen(a girl) and hit the Zuka Club upside the head with the baby's bottle.

But Mori walked in, said"Sheena, you stink. I don't know what I saw in you other than big b***s. It's over. Besides, I was already cheating on you with Haruhi."

Then Tamaki appeared out of nowhere. Both he and Hunny were heartbroken and speechless.

"YOU-!(dialogue blocked lol).

Mori stared in disbelief at Sheena, her words ringing in his ears. She had used words he had never even heard of.

Tamaki was glaring at Takashi and plotting the murder when Haruhi walked in, holding her little baby boy, Harushi. And she saw their expressions, turned and said,"Um...Oh! I'm out of milk. I need to go to the supermarket."And she ran off.

However, before she could leave completely, Ganon appeared and anime squished her(the baby was somehow unharmed) and grabbed Zelda, took her triforce, finally having all three after Zelos trampled Link.

"It's over..."Zelda muttered, watching as Ganon laughed with power.

"There's no place like home..."Ganon muttered,"There's no place like-I wanna be a dolphin!"

With a flash, Ganon appeared in the sea, swimming alongside other dolphins.

"WTF?!"Zelda asked.

Kyoya walked onto the scene with his little black book and said,"Tamaki, this is getting you nowhere."

And Zelos said,"You're right. Forget the competition:This means war!"

"Shut up, you idiot Chosen!"Sheena said angrily, punching him on his bald head."We can't have war right now! Not with our babies needing to grow up!"

"Sheena's right,"Lloyd said, helping Haruhi up,"We need to stay united and peaceful-"

"Shut up!" Tamaki interrupted, kicking Lloyd in the "no-man's land". "Screw you and your beliefs, Sheena! This is, in fact, war!"Tamaki said,"Bring it on Butthead!"

Suddenly. there was a cry of "Indignation!!" and a large bolt of thunder slammed dow on them all, obliterating the site. Mithos Yggdrassil walked onto the scene.

"Finally, my vision can come true! An Age of Lifeless Beings! HAHAHAHA-"

BAM!

A gunshot went through the air as a bulltet went through his head.

"OMG! I thought you were a zombie!"Jill Valentine cried, looking at the dead angel. "Oh well..."

So Mithos collapsed in a bloody heap. And Jill said,"Ugh, this will be a big mess to clean up. I know...let's burn everything!"

With that, she pulled out her grenade launcher, filled it with flame rounds, and began shooting everywhere, accidently hitting Renge, who was entering with her signature laugh, in the face.

And Jill was the only survivor of the Tamaki-Zelos Beauty War.

Jill remained a member of S.T.A.R.S. until her death at 35 when a cat infected with the T-Virus at her face.

Mithos is still dead.

Ganon is still a dolphin.

The End.

Author's Note

Plz don't think I hate those characters. I love them very much. Hope you liked it ^_^ Whee! Updated to good format lol

Reviews

[Jane Doe]

omg i luv this this is so so funny i really luv it i mean it hilarious
omg it seriously one of a kind

[Sseoni]

Wow... that was... hilarious! I loved every bit of it! Super duper comical! Lol! War of Beauty! What a wonderful title! All of those anime characters... that story was fantastic! It was so funny, and I really enjoyed reading it! :D

[Jules]

that has to be one of the most random things i have ever read :D lmao i dont know if it was meant to be funny or not be i thought it was :D please dont be offended and message me if you want a new friend i'm always up for a new friend :D