The War of Beauty 2: Rise of the Shiny Blastoise

It was peaceful on Earth, until one day, the Blastoise without the power of Water, disappeared. One hundred years later, a new one was found... *I OWN NOTHING*

Once upon a time, there was a lonely Blastoise, whose fleece was white as eggs.
This Blastoise was lonely because he was born without the typical water powers. He was ostracized from the other water pokemon and was made to be a loser.
But secretly, despite no water powers, he had other powers. Powers that made him special. The power to save the world. This power was the power to shoot lasers out of his butt. They were so powerful, they're energy was as powerful as several explosions.
With this power, named the Analplosion, Blastoise would save the world.
But then one day, he vanished. One hundred years passed and my brother and I found the new Blastoise. He has a lot to learn, but I believe Blastoise can save the world. But there was one problem.
He was a shiny Blastoise and was held above all other Blastoise. Little did the world know, he was pure evil. He gave the entire world adorable little Pichus and Eevees...then took them away after all the children had bonded and grown to love them. The world needed a hero as these heinous crimes continued. They needed a savior.
The world wept at the loss of their beloved pokemon.
But then a hero emerged from the depths of despair. His name was Link and his mission was to give the world a whole new sense of fashion! Everyone gazed in wonder as he paraded through the towns, garbed in green tunics bejeweled and adored in sequins. His shiny-level meter even rivaled that of the Shiny Blastoise. The cruel dictator of the world would not stand for this encroachment of his beauty, so he hired his minions, the Purple Koopas, and ordered them to follow Link around, muddying and ruining his attire. But Link was all too wise the dastardly deed.
He suddenly glowed in the colors of the rainbow. His hair changed, his clothes transformed and the koopas were forced to stare in awe as the man, once known as Link, transformed into the lovely and glorious Host Club Beauty, Tamaki!
Instantly, the whole world population of women fell madly in love with him and his beauty. Shiny Blastoise watched from his crystal ball, outraged at this lunacy. He gave a magnificent war cry and, from the heavens, rained down a single entity, the harbinger of chaos and destruction-a lone dolphin by the name of Ganondorf!
Tamaki was instantly in awe of the flying heaven dolphin and began to attempt to tame if for his own. But Ganondorf was not very easy to tame. Little Tamaki know, Ganondorf also had magical powers of destruction. While Tamaki gawked at the dolphin, Ganondorf bit Tamaki's hair and ripped it out, turning him bald.
Then, in one swift moment, he transformed back into his human form. But he still had a dolphin head.
The women were outraged! Because of all of Tamaki's beautifulness, the hair was destroyed and other than the face, the hair was the top priority. They swarmed in anger, armed with harpoons and missile launchers. Shiny Blastoise led the charge, wielding a large toy lightsaber. With a burst of butt power, he launched up into the air and disappeared up into the sky as the women charged.
Shiny Blastoise harpooned the humanoid dolphin that was Ganondorf. He was butchered and served as sushi at the local fish market. Tamaki wept at the loss of his animal friend and crept into the corner where he proceeded to cry in the fetal position.
Out of nowhere, Zelos Wilder appeared in between Tamaki and the raging women, turning his head and his long, lustrious locks in shampoo commercial fashion. The women paused for a moment, wondering what to do. They looked from Zelos and Tamaki and back again. Zelos had beautiful hair and a pretty face. Tamaki was already bald, however. Tamaki glanced at the women like a sad puppy pleading for love and comfort. But the women had made up their minds.
They held loyalty to Tamaki. In a rage, they held Zelos down and cut off his hair and made it into a wig for Tamaki. Tamaki tried it on and fell in love. Without warning, Shiny Blastoise slammed down on top of Tamaki, turning him into a skid mark on the road. The women screamed and fled as their hero, vanquished, could no longer save them. Shiny Blastoise laughed, for he thought he was victorious. But there was one more challenger...
It was Magikarp! Fearless and bold, Magikarp used Splash!
Shiny Blastoise gasped as the water came at him at half-a-mile-per-hour, an attack he could never master. Shiny Blastoise avoided the attack, fear in his eyes. He glared at the Magikarp, preparing for a showdown.
And suddenly! The Magikarp evolved into the rare Red Gyarados! Gyarados used waterfall and it was super effective! Blastoise wheezed, nearly defeated. He gasped for breath and fell to his shell-tummy. He closed his eyes and concentrated.
Then-
A Hyper Beam erupted from his mouth towards the Red Gyarados!
But it missed.
Chuck Norris then appeared and kicked Blastoise to Mars. The World was at peace at last.
Shiny Blastoise's rule ended swiftly thanks to Chuck Norris. With Shiny Blastoise gone, peace was restored and all the Pichus and Eevees were returned.
Until Chuck Norris became King...

The End...?

Author's Note

This was made by me and the same friend that wrote the first War of Beauty with me so many years ago, so this is the sequel to that first story! I hope you guys enjoy it! I know I've been gone forever, so I don't know if anyone even pays attention to me, but hey, if you do, just letting you know that I will be posting all of my newest writing on here starting soon, so all new stories and books will be up, as well as completed versions of the ones that have been up here forever! Thank you for reading, constructive criticism is welcome!!