My Hiaku

Lightning crashes. BOOM!
Strikes the ground withe furry and might.
            Summer storm tonight.                 

 

Spring sky, red and pink
The sunset over the lake is
Is like fire in the sky.

Author's Note

Please comment on how i can improve my poetry. i am twelve, so keep the comments appropriate to my age group. to see these poems and more, go to Unitedworldpoets.com and search for 458italia as one word. Thx!

Reviews

[destroyedhappines]

Thank you all so much for the reviews. What i am taking away from them are that i have to stop and read my poetry, not just barrel through it like i used to. I can not thank you enough for your reviews and comments, and i'll keep posting poems if you'll keep reviewing them :) Thx!

[Marie]

Very good poem; very visual. But you made mistakes. First, the correct spelling is Haiku. Your second line has two spelling mistakes and nine syllables instead of the requisite seven. The last line should be "Like fire in the sky." You just need a little more practice.

[Andrea]

This is amazing imagery. It's really good. but ya check for the few little typos you have and than it will be awesome.

[Angelic Surrender]

This is a great haiku :) better than the one I tried to write. You should read it, lol. I think you have a few spelling mistakes such as "withe" and "sprig" I think you have great talent for a twelve year old :) keep up the good work.