The Secret

As I examined the lock my fingers began to tremble as I reached for the knob. Fear had me in a tight grasp to the point I couldn't breathe. My mind was just now asking questions. Was it an intruder, could he be a murderer, why was this intruder at her house, was it the man from before. As these thoughts processed through my mind I heard a loud bang come from my room. 

 My fears had been confirmed before I could do anything I moved to the side of the house to throw up. It felt like all the panic and fear was coming out in that moment. I realized I only mere moments to come up with a plan. Another crash they were looking for something. Just like before, then my head began bursting with pain but I can handle it now  I just needed to calm down. Easier said then done my whole body was shaking so hard my soul might as well be too.

 I slowly crept into the house and into the kitchen. Grabbed the biggest kitchen knife in the house and tiptoed up the stairs and stood right at my bed room door. My gut plummeted to the floor and back. When I heard two men talking. ( Dear God why me, why now.) 

"Are you sure this is the same house before. Or if they still live here." 

" Yes i'm sure I looked up the owner and it still said bank. Now its time to get the beast and her father."

I stood frozen my worst nightmare was literally five steps away. When I took a step back my headache came back but was unlike the others I could see images of a bird,wolf, a sea creature and Ike. When it stopped the two men were in front of me.

  

I lunged at the one from before with my knife and stabbed him right in the gut. when I looked up at him he was .... 

Smiling. 

Then he laughed along with the other guy as he pulled it out and threw it on the ground. When I looked at where I stabbed him he wasn't even bleeding. I was as pale as a ghost what where they. What did they want with me. I began to hyperventilate from shock. The other man grabbed me by my hair and yanked me up. 

"You sure this is IT, last time you were wrong."

The man from before pulled out the same medallion from before and knelt before me and glanced at my necklace. A look of disgust on his face, he ripped it from my neck and threw it over the stairs. He gave a wicked smile and said. 

"One way to find out."

 Before I could process those words he had thrown me over the railing and I had landed on the glass table. I laid on the shattered glass unable to move moaning at the pain. My legs,arms and face were bleeding heavily from the cuts. I heard him land next to me.

The other man picked me up and pinned me against the wall with a piece of glass in his hand.

" such a pretty face but shouldn't beasts look ugly."

 Tears of fear began pouring down my face and the man hesitated which was all I needed to bite him to the point I tore off flesh. I sprinted out toward the door but the other man was there I had a few seconds to find a new escape. When he reached out for me I bolted to the right and out the window. Landing in the bushes.

I hid there until the intruders jumped out 

"Come on! That brat couldn't of gotten far." 

As I heard there footsteps run on to the street. I bursted out into tears the one thing I feared the most in the world came true. 

Suddenly a pair of hands grabbed me and I landed a solid punch and round house kick. before I heard "Ny its me its me." I looked up and saw Luke I jumped right into his arms and just sobbed. 

" I'm sorry I didn't know it was." 

Before I could Finnish he gave me a look and I stopped." Why are you here." 

" I told you I would come." 

I hugged him even tighter that's when another headache came and the world went black.

Author's Note

Hey guys thank you so much for reading I added some stuff in the previous chapters so I would go back so you understand a bit more.

Reviews

[luvs2write]

First of all, what an intense chapter! I think you did a good job with it. A deeper look....

In paragraph one through three you switched to writing in third person, then you switched back to first. I was a little confused with that. You have to pick either first or third and stick with it through the entire book. I think I mentioned that in a previous chapter... Grammar wise, that was really the only huge thing that stuck out to me. I do suggest that you start a new paragraph whenever someone new is talking. That just makes it easier on the reader.

This chapter has a lot more description! I was able to see and hear what was going on, so congradulations on that. You've improved a lot! I wanted to mention another thing though, description wise. I was able to see what Nyla was seeing, hear what she was hearing....but I wanted one more thing...to feel what she was feeling. I'm not saying that you have no feelings in this chapter, you do have some, but have you ever heard writer's say "show, don't tell"? I'll give you an example.

In the very first sentence you said "an overwhelming fear came over me". That's better than most...some people would just say "I got scared." Anyway, you have to think about how anxiety or fear feels. Does it make your throat tighten? Your heart beat faster? Or maybe it paralizes you? Even just a few words can make a difference. I think this will really make the reader be able to feel exactly what Nyla is feeling.

Overall, I really liked this chapter! You have an entertaining pace and good characters. Keep writing!!

[kick your buttercup]

Thank you so much I went ahead and fixed what you said and it blew over my head that I started writing third person I meant to go back and change that. Thanks for that notice and for reviewing I love your reviews.

[luvs2write]

You're welcome. =)

[Daisygirl]

In the first paragraph you switch perspective from me and my to her. Also where did the knife come from? You capitalized Finish towards the end. Other than that there were no mistakes that jumped out at me. I loved the intensity and description. It really made Nyla's fear more real. In this chapter I felt like a part of the book which is really important for the reader so congratulations! Your chapter endings are really well done and like I said earlier the description is great!

[Heartful5160]

That was intense! I could picture it in my head and watch it like it was a movie. Great job!

[kick your buttercup]

Thank you!

[Heartful5160]

Your welcome!