The Past

Luke decided to take me home through the park mainly because it took longer. He knew I hated being home especially sense no one is there. With my dad constantly working and no mom, home was never a real home to me and Luke understood that.

 The first time I met Luke was when I was nine. I had ran away from home that night. I don't like to think back about that night but it was the only night my dad showed concern for me.

 A man had entered the house in the middle of the night and started looking for something in my room with a medallion. When I woke up I thought it was my dad but when it wasn't I screamed. The man jumped in shock of my presence and pointed the medallion at me. It began to glow that's when he showed me a knife. He whispered angrily " If you do not come with me you little beast I will show no mercy. Understood" 

I nodded and began walking in front of him out my room and toward the door. Then my dad came barreling down the stairs with a dagger coated in a shimmering light. 

He lunged at the man but didn't stab him. when the man was under my dad he turned to me and told me to run away. I went to my special spot and started to get a massive headache. I fell down to the ground my head felt like it was being torn apart, then flashes of images came in and my body began to move as if I was having a seizure then suddenly a warm hand grabbed me.

 When I came to there was a boy gazing at me while I was in his arms. I was stunned at first cause only me and papa knew of this place. When he let me go he continued to stare at me then he handed me a pendant that changed colors by the way the light hit. 

"umhum. I know this is sudden but my name is Luke I would like it if we could be friends I saw everything that happened and I just want you to know I'm here to protect you. Just wear this pendent and whenever your in trouble i'll know."Ever since then I always keep the pendent on me.

 "So you're old man home for your birthday or is he bailing on you like last year." 

I kept my head down and mumbled to him " I don't know last time he called was a month ago asking about the bills."

       I could feel the tears stinging my eyes but I refused to cry Luke already had so much on his plate last he needed was my daddy daughter problem.

 I was well aware of the silence that fell over us then he stopped I gave him a quizzical look and Luke kept looking making me blush cause he had never done this. 

"You do know that even if you're dad makes it seem like he doesn't care he does. I gave him a knowing look 

"Yeah I know I mean if he didn't care then we wouldn't have our special spot or those hiking trips when I was little."

 Luke gave me a big old grin " Now I see why your my best friend." I replied sarcastically " Oh yeah and what is that exactly?"

 "well it could be the way your face is always in a book or how over time you can be sarcastic with people but the main reason is that you feed me." I playfully punched him "You jerk, just for that consider yourself cut off."

 He gave me a sympathetic look " No Please don't Oh great one." He got down on the ground and began bowing. I couldn't of been more embarrassed 

"okay, okay just stop people are staring." I was as bright as a christmas tree with embarrassment. He got off and we glared at each other before erupting into laughter. When we finished both my sides hurt and we were almost back to my house.

 "Alright this is my stop." I hated saying goodbye to Luke he was the sunshine in my day once he left there was.... nothing except an empty house and confusing dreams. As if feeling my hesitation he asked "You want me to stay here for a while?" I almost screamed yes but stopped myself. 

" What about you're curfew? Wont your parents be upset if you come home late again?" He unlocked his phone and looked at the time 9:30 pm plus we had school tomorrow.

 "Yeah you got a point Ny well maybe tomorrow then after my soccer practice then that sound good?"

 "Sure as long as you don't stink too much."

 I gave him a little smirk and he just laughed " I promise Nyla Banks when I enter you're house I shall not stink to the point to where you open up the windows to air out the house."

 I gave him a small grin "Alright Luke you need to go home if you don't want to be late." He gave me a goodbye hug and started to jog away waving as he did. I stood there for a moment watching his back and the way he ran almost as if the wind were helping him, when he was out of sight I went into the house only to find the door had been unlocked.

Author's Note

Love reviews and comments

Reviews

[luvs2write]

This was a cool chapter, I love watching relationships build. =) I think your characters are believable. You do a really good job showing their personalities instead of just straight out saying it. Overall, I really enjoyed reading it. Now to go deeper...

There were still quite a few run on sentences, but I think in the last review you said you would fix that. In the second paragraph you described Ny running away from home because her father and a strange man had scared her. I feel like this would be a little more realistic if you would just go into a little more detail. Kind of like I said about the dream...write it like Ny is there. I know for me it's hard to remember that reader's can't see what I'm seeing in my head. Try to write down exactly what you are seeing in your head so that your readers can have a deeper connection with your story. Even just a few sentences can make a big difference.

The dialogue is amazing...you are very good at making your conversations believable. I did notice a few typos...in paragraph 5 dose should be does. In second to last paragraph "stink to much" should be "stink too much".

This is coming along well. I think it will be a really great book. Keep writing!!

[Daisygirl]

I found the part about the guy breaking into the house a bit hard to follow and there was a you're instead of a your somewhere near the top. I loved the dialogue between Luke and Nyla because it was playful and fun which lightened the atmosphere after the flashback. In the flashback you should also capitalize the fist letter when Luke starts talking. I loved the cliff hanger (now I have to read the next one before doing my homework).
If you don't find my pointing out grammar or spelling helpful just let me know.