Just ME

Here......somewhere

I broke my mirror

And was being seen

There in every place alone

From dusk to the dawn--

Though all those came

Since it was a mirror frame,

My story was the same....

Really lonely I`m--

In this world unknown !

Author's Note

As am new...so be careful to ME....

Reviews

[naznaz]

Hi,

I really like the premise of this poem, which from what I gather is feeling a little lost maybe? And somewhat unlucky?

I get the image of someone in the middle of a completely unknown country, in a crowded city, the world just going on without them. I get a Lost in Translation vibe I guess.

The first two lines really grab your attention, but I feel you don’t need the ellipsis, maybe just have ‘Here’ and ‘Somewhere’ as on separate lines?

Maybe a little too fragmented for the atmosphere and theme you are trying to create. I feel the poem does not flow as it should in certain places. Lines 6 I think in particular disjointed the flow of the writing and I didn’t really understand what you were trying to say.

Also: ‘dusk to the dawn’.. maybe ‘till’ is more appropriate?

Really good concept and it is very pretty to read.

[Tania]

Hi,
Many many thanks that you r trying to grab my idea....you`re right that I`ve tried to creat a theme/environment in this poem...really its in my nature that I always try to do it in my poems ...and am sure you will feel while you`ll go through my next poems....!!!
I must expect your valuable words in future..!!
Moreover, my most of poems are within 256 character limit as they are actually created regularly for my FB profile