The Created

Nobody really understand what its like to be a creative writer, its a passion only self taught. There's a trigger that causes the creativity, mine started when I was a child. Other peoples creativity are triggered by a smell, or a broken heart, or seeing something. I was a little different. 

When I was a child around five or six my father and I would do this crazy thing while my mother worked in her den. We would both run around the house collecting all the pillows and throw them against this wooden coffee table we still have today. We would lie against this table and look up at the roof and create images and stories. It was the first real imagination I gained as a child. And over time it progressed. 

My father died a few months after all those stories were created. 01/18/03, the day he took his own life. It still kills me each year knowing he died because he wasn't well. He gave me the creativity I have today though, the reason why I write of a strong independent female who grew up with no father to rely on. Yet he's also the reason for many other things...

He's the reason why I won't get married, only reason for that is I don't want to be walked down the ails without him. The father of the bride is suppose to hand off his baby girl to the man that asked for her hand. In my case the man has to ask my grandfather or mother for my hand in marriage. And its either my mother or my grandfather that will hand me off. Which seems wrong to know... I want my true blood father to hand me off but it won't happen ever. So I probably won't get married and if I do my mama better approve of the guy that can handle my hard a*s. 

Another reason is the fact that I am so much like him. I'm nice and caring to everyone I ever meet. It gets me in trouble and hurt but I still am nice. I've had to build a barrier around the niceness and caring sides to me with a b***h vibe because I'm so over getting hurt and I don't want to be like my father. I even have his eyes now, my mother loves looking at them because she knows he lies within me. 

I honestly think of a today with him in it... Would I be friends with my closest friends Ernie and Dylan, would I be at Mohawk College learning T.V and meet my friends Becca, Ainslie, Victoria, Henry. Would I meet my "boyfriend" Ryan? Or would everything be different? Would I be studying Auto-motive like he did? Would I go to Niagara College instead of Mohawk? Would I even meet Ernie and Dylan? Would I be a different person? Would it all be different?

The reason why I think like this is because of the creativity he gave me as a young child that progressed to this website today. Even though some of it is dark and evil but some brings me joy and happiness. I know he lies in my heart and personality and I know one day we will be together. Yet just not today.