nightpoems

old piece (i'm uploading stuff from the ancient times here now.) two poems, written in the middle of some turbulent night, i guess.

And I won’t lie
I fear death
Like a stray dog
The primal instinct
Crippling
Devouring
Bits of my soul
One by one
As I wait
For the dark pits of oblivion
Loneliness, isolation
For which I trained
In solitude
And failed
What did I do wrong, Life?
How did I betray you?

Forgive me
For seeking you every night
For my spirit was not that of an eagle
And my feet never took me to holy cities
My lips never sang words of praise
Without my voice breaking, shattering
At the feet of those
Who held my destiny in a cup of holy water
Who could wash away the filth of me
(And still, I was left stained, tainted
And somehow, it wasn’t their fault.
At all.)
Forgive me
For clinging to your warm hands
But mine have been cold so long
And I no longer care
What they say if I reach out
To something else
Than eternal glory
(Denied from me, anyway)
Forgive me
For the bitterness
That you hear in my words
And see in my eyes
For I’m not such a poet
A painter or a bard
Who could release it
To the winds and soar above them
I am a beast of burden
Of ancient guilt
But I vow, someday
I will carry yours too