Part 1

The explanation of how Stephen became what he is.

Believe me; I never imagined the eventual result I was left with. And you have this coming from a guy who had long ago simply decided that the risk of becoming a vampire was just an unmentioned, yet rather obvious, chance I had taken when signing the contract for my job.

I worked as something of a diplomat within the HVA (Human-Vampire Alliance). This is the organization that exists to tend the fragile threads of agreement both sides want, in order to prevent some type of all-out supernatural war between our two societies. If you ask why this is necessary, then I’m sure you can’t understand exactly how many thousands of vampires actually exist.

And don’t try to come at me with some type of stupid argument like- ‘but vampires need people! Without us they couldn’t even continue to exist!’

�"oh sure, like no vampire has ever thought of breeding and keeping a supply of people in a tiny dark little basement full of cages reminiscent of some sort of inhumane egg producing facility. ‘Twould make things a bit easier at their end of the equation, something like that.

Childish happy ideas about keeping them content with animal blood are really something of a fairy-tale too. Understand please; some sort of iron or hemoglobin doesn’t nourish a vampire’s body like it would yours. A dead body has no need of nourishment.

When the life in a body ends, that living energy normally produced in the brain simply drains out through the jugular because it can no longer cling directly to the body that produced it; in the moments just after death, this force has been knocked loose enough that it can be stolen by a vampire who moves to take this force quickly. Sure, some vampires develop a taste for the blood itself, yet the chemicals within this fluid have very little use to their dead organs.

When a vampire takes someone’s blood, what they are ‘feeding’ on is human life . By ‘life’ I mean that energy or spirit of self existing within, throughout a living person that their healthy body will continue to replenish within itself until death. You might scoff were I to call this force ‘magic’, but if properly controlled, it can have effects that I have trouble describing any other way.

Having no way to make this living ‘spirit’ energy for themselves, those vampires who do not take another’s ‘life’-force can just sit back and wait to watch as their own body begins to rot away without it. I’m not saying that animals don’t have this energy, most likely they do; it’s just that this force is quite complex and has a slightly different physical structure for every individual that can produce it, much like the blood that is normally taken with it. And like that blood, pumping yourself full of what came from a deer or a moose probably wouldn’t work all that well.

Robbing a blood-bank couldn’t really provide it either; a little plastic bag full of blood is really quite inert.

Ultimately, vampires and living-humans, physiologically , are all the same creature. We actually rely on them because of how they must rely upon us.

You see, vampires are more adept at handling and using this life-giving ‘magical’ power I’ve described that is so integral to everyone’s survival (even though for some reason most humans seem to be completely unaware of it) and so, they can more easily use this energy willingly as a seemingly otherworldly force for everyday supernatural situations than a human could. These aren’t unusual occurrences, but are actually so real and so dangerous, the HVA hires diplomats like myself to work out terms and agreements of behavior between the living and the non-, that keep both sides happy. The best example of this that I can think of off the top of my head is the vampire preference that most of humanity is kept unaware of their darker brothers’ very existence.

This is mainly done to prevent self-praising human vigilantes from attempting to hunt and kill vampires to extinction for the supposed ‘good of all humanity’ Actually, my living co-workers and I will hold the threat of publicly disclosing this secret about our coexistence as a roadblock against the formation of groups containing angry vampires ready for a field-day of unprovoked human kills.

Aside from diplomats like me, my human colleagues, and our vampire counterparts, the HVA has 2 more divisions:

1. Human hunters who are out to get vampires who break the rules,

2. And vampire stalkers who work to strike down any human, self-appointed vampire-slayers.

To keep relations civil, vampires will try to have no part in decisions passed against criminal vampires by the humans as long as humans don’t stand in the way of their fair and justified human killings (when such a thing becomes necessary).

This had always worked fine until the day came when I was called by a vampire council who weren’t arguing against human actions; instead, they wanted to help incite a more efficient than human-based judgment after one of their own.

Who exactly they were after here was the vampire Randy Martin. He wasn’t just turned yesterday and rebelling against the new set of vampire-laws that he now suddenly found himself subject to.

Believe me; we get plenty of that , and the vampires have their own ways to quickly just deal with it. Generally it’s something less than total destruction (forgive my wording here, but having already called all vampires to be dead, I’m not sure that death could really sound like all that much of a true threat), a period of forced starvation or something similar to that is usually the normal sentence that these ‘criminal’ vampires end up getting as a punishment.

Although, to call him old doesn’t really fit the profile either, I know more than a couple vampires with turn-dates of earlier than 100 years ago. Randy’s was only like 50, at most 75 years before today. He wasn’t exactly ancient , but he certainly wasn’t new either. He just had the years of experience and the learned magical control that would easily enable him to avoid capture.

Assuredly he’d been around long enough that he was aware of the havoc that his actions would probably cause; he had to know better than to just jump up and start feeding off of people who had done nothing to deserve it while, at the same time, leaving their blood-drained bodies in very open places for unwary innocents to find. It was bizarre enough to get local living, non-HVA police to jokingly refer to these crimes as ‘vampire murders’.

Now of course, my law abiding vampire friends felt quite threatened by this and didn’t find the nickname to be funny, at all. I suppose it’s similar to how you might feel towards wanted criminals if you knew that they had a good chance of angering the closest mad cult into storming out to your place of residence on some type of murderous, fire-spewing rampage of revenge.

They wanted Randy taken out for his misbehavior as quickly as possible; permanently stopping the threat of any more deadly actions that might come from him. Their rize against his attacks was meant as nothing more than a simple precaution, just so that they could return to their own carefully built and well looked after anonymity.

Vampire leaders wanted to put an end to Randy’s reign of terror even if it had to come by their own direct guiding of the oft’ hated and distrusted human hunters’ hands. They certainly didn’t want to just sit around idly watching as this much loathed rival group of law enforcement between the two peoples fumbled around ineffectively; not if Randy’s random actions could possibly have innocent vampires blamed and outed for his misdeeds that they were desperately trying to stop.

You see, a good part of what I negotiate comes down to acquiring vampire help to stand against human criminals when it might be convenient to simply have them ‘disappear’. I won’t try to pretend that a good number of confessions from especially nasty human-outlaws haven’t also come about through the choice of either that or a close encounter with a grinning set of vampire fangs, as well.

In fact, you’d probably be surprised to learn just how many paralegals are actually vampires. Not as often are they full-lawyers; vampires usually try to stay out of the direct public eye, and I can’t really say that about most attorneys. It’s just that the paralegal profession is really a hotbed of vampire activity! ( This would be why I gave up trying to go any further in the legal profession myself, actually. )

The vampires figured ( I assumed when they requested to meet with me ) that humans could be used in much the same way as we made use of them; I could be a convenient human presence to make Randy’s own instincts lead to his eventual, almost voluntary downfall.

I’m not sure I can stress enough, just how unusual it is for an official vampire council to be formed simply to address a mere human, however. Sure, humans have been asked to sit among councils plenty of times, but the person addressed is always a vampire.

So, when I was called to stand before one myself, the entire situation had me a little concerned that the whole event may just be a dramatic bit of show before I was killed/possibly turned (vampires seem to enjoy creating eerie situations like that for their own amusement), the only reason I felt that I might keep my human life was because of the presence of the one human I saw who was sitting among them.

She was Caroline Ace, a steadfast human huntress who outwardly despised most vampires. There is no way that she would voluntarily attend a death or turning ceremony, and she certainly didn’t look unhappy as if she were being held there against her will.

Just as well, I supposed; working as closely with vampires and their uncontrolled desires as I did, I had long ago given up the silly adolescent fantasy of being turned myself. Who could knowingly throw himself into an eternity where any split-second scent of a person walking by can become a deep-rooted obsession for the chance to take a possible taste of their blood? I hear it’s a terrible, desperate wanting; one so strong, in fact, that you would become willing to risk near-certain death just to get at it!

And unless all of your friends are close to invincible when you’re originally turned, your new unnatural strength combined with all of the fun created through possible flashes of eerily uncontrolled, deadly magic can make you unintentionally kill off almost everyone you know before you ever come close to learning how to reign in your new, now supernaturally powered, anger and desire.

As I saw my eventual transformation into a vampire to be something that was almost inevitable (considering how unlikely it was that I could ever stop doing what I did for the HVA without ticking off someone of the no-longer-living persuasion) , I had worked to drive off all of my non-hunter/huntress human friends as well as relocated my place of living; over the last few years, I had taken to residing in a cabin in the countryside a short bit away from the city. I wasn’t really totally off of the radar as my little house was still within driving distance of gas and groceries. Occasionally, I could even manage to get a pizza delivered. The important thing is that I had no close neighbors whom I would take with me when my time of turning inevitably came.

Actually, by now I’ve decided that their council meeting with me more was done to decisively impress upon both the huntress Caroline I mentioned before, and myself, just how seriously they took what they were making it possible for her to do.

The vampire who led the council that night would have easily impressed me enough by himself -He who seemed to be their leader. We’re talking a guy who looked to be more than 1000 years old here, even though vampire growth and aging comes dead slowly. I can’t tell you his real name, I’m still not quite sure of it, myself, actually; I think it was probably just assumed that everyone present already knew what to call him. Caroline later referred to him as The Count, and I’m still not quite sure if she was just joking with some sort of fancy fabricated vampiric-sounding title.

Whatever you want his name to be, this well-aged blood-sucker seemed to look through me as he commanded: “You vill follow Mizz Ace out to ze home of Olivia Dominicus. Olivia haz been given ze infusion; it iz ze last in our supply. It can be used to make Mizz Ace become stronger. Sir Martin vill stand no chance against an infused huntress. Your sacrifice vill make ze infusion take hold.”

Then, a flash of fire- a moment of darkness and smoke... No one can make a dramatic exit like a vampire- that’s unless you want to differentiate between one dagger-fanged shadow and a whole room-full of vampires. More quickly than the blink of an eye, only me and Caroline were left in the suddenly empty and darkened room.

She made it over to open the main doorway for light where the sun could be seen setting on the horizon. I stood in place half frozen with my teeth almost chattering uneasily; I was almost sure that I could still feel the Count’s scathing gaze.

“You coming?” Caroline called over to me as she walked outside. “What was he talking about??” This grim event wasn’t going like I had ever imagined. Did they somehow expect me to follow and beg for my own death?

Surely they’d noticed my loss of fascination with their ever-prolonged Hell.

“What he suggested that I take from Miss Olivia and use as a seraphic infusion,” Caroline began explaining, (without seeming to take any notice of my dismay); “I’m pretty sure from what I’ve read that it is something close to angel blood .” She called this back to me as if somehow that idea could explain everything.

If those vampires had truly wanted to feed on me in some sort of sacrificial right, why was I still alive?

Still not understanding her exact reasoning for wanting whatever might be going on in the first place; I followed the huntress Caroline as she started walking with a purpose towards something past the horizon.

“But they didn’t get me. They just ran away...” I replied in confusion. She stopped walking and looked at me because she couldn’t seem to figure what I meant.

“Why would I care about blood?” I tried to explain. Understanding then flashed on Caroline’s face. “You don’t get what I mean to do,” she answered as a grin started to steal across her face. “Stephen, what happens when a human who has had their goodness/life-light sucked out of them, then partakes of vampire blood?”

“You’re talking of how a new vampire is made.” I answered with a slight uncertainty as to why she was trying to explain this to me.

“With the respect those leeches showed you tonight,” Caroline suggested without hiding her disgust; “would it be fair to say that you could go back and beg a little blood off one of them in order to thereby save yourself, had I a way of taking away your living light?” The question glowed in her eyes.

The proposition might work, could I find a willing vampire quickly enough , but a person drained of life-force sounded rather helpless to do such a thing. “If you took that power from me, wouldn’t I just die?”

“Taking away your light would forcibly bequeath my dark-life unto you. That primal force of death is stubborn and unwilling to just sit back and give in, much like that old Count we saw tonight. You’d have to have at least a couple of hours in which to act before death sets in.”

Earnestly, she was holding out to me what I had ceased to want.

“But surely, you’d be in danger as well,” I tried to throw out there. How could I explain to her that this supposed treat she seemed to be trying to tempt me with was really the last thing that I wanted anymore?

“Because; if you can take away my darkness,” she continued explaining; “they believe the seraph’s touch will transform me into the most righteous anti-vampire!” Caroline looked at me with pleading eyes.

When I only looked at her with confusion, she added; “Randy would become unable to stand against me...”

If what she had proposed were true, lives could be saved. Unrest and greater troubles might be avoided. I just had to be willing to give up my life or at least my humanity in the bargain.

“...a sacrifice..” I muttered. It was what The Count had been talking about earlier.

“But not for you!” She answered all too cheerily as she turned back towards wherever we had been headed before.

“You were the first person I thought of when I realized that I needed a voluntary vampire...”

She went on here, but I couldn’t listen anymore. Such a nightmare needed to take place for the greater good, so I couldn’t convince myself to try arguing against it.

This sweet girl who saw herself as becoming something of pure goodness didn’t need to be plagued with guilt for what she had intended to be a gift for me, upon learning that it must be done to someone.

I just needed to somehow switch my mindset back into wanting it as much as I had a couple of years ago.

*** The shaman, as I said, was named Olivia Dominicus. I say was, not because she died that I know of, but more because she is one of those individuals whom I call The Shadow People.

Now I call them ‘shadow people’ not because they are evil or hard to see; it’s more like that even though you can both see them and understand what is happening with what they do, you are left with nothing more to hold on to that you can explain to someone else who has no understanding or experience with the supernatural as believable. Now, vampires, hunters, huntresses, the whole HVA, I guess you could even include myself before that day when you consider my unusual ‘job’; we could all be loosely grouped together as the shadow people.

After that day, I’m one of these beings no question, but we’ll get to that. To the general public, any firm belief in shadow-subjects is taught to be a clear sign of insanity. The commonly accepted ‘fact’ is that these peoples simply don’t exist or can’t be real.

I have never heard any of my HVA contacts refer to Miss Dominicus as something more evil or violent sounding than say a medicine woman or a mage, but let me say right here and now that the lady is a witch!

No, she didn’t have a pointy hat or a black cat that I saw. And I’ve never heard of her flying around on a broomstick. She was a good witch, like say, the witch of the north from Oz, or a good number of women known by Harry Potter.

I do realize here that a little referring to fictional characters when explaining my reality doesn’t exactly help my claims of sanity, but most real women I know who are witches work at keeping themselves out of the public spotlight for witchcraft. My pointing at someone who hasn’t applied this secrecy to their other endeavors might not be appreciated.

So anyway, I followed Caroline Ace to the residence of this one Olivia Dominicus. I fought down my first urge to call her a witch when we came upon her stirring the seraphic infusion-mixture in a large cauldron pot upon an open fire built within a strange garden that her house was constructed in something like a donut shape around.

Forgive my not explaining the structure of the building any better, when I’ve been back in the area that I’m sure contained the house, I can never find even the slightest trace that it was ever there.

On the day in question, we entered that strange house-like structure with its open to the sky garden in the middle. In this garden sweet Madame Olivia was tending to a lightly steaming pot set over a campfire encircled by stones that had what I guess you’d call mystical carvings on them.

Now when I tell you that this liquid concoction glowed, don’t think I mean it shone green or yellow like some sort of cheap glow-stick; it put off a pristine clear-white light, softly reminiscent of starlight. By how the potion moved when she stirred it, it looked slightly thicker than water but it was certainly much thinner than say, a syrup.

I think I lost a second or more basking in its unexpected radiance before I was finally able to pull my eyes away. When I did, I caught sight of Miss Dominicus looking with concern towards Caroline, my huntress co-worker who was frozen there, still standing mesmerized by the unusual preparation just as I had been feeling caught myself.

“Can you get me that cloth?” Olivia the magic woman asked me, pointing to a plant over at the side of her garden that looked as if it had been tied up against the cold. I didn’t understand why this cover was needed, but the way in which that sorceress was now timidly waving her hands in front of Caroline and trying to get her attention back out of the concoction, I figured that the sheet might somehow be able to help her do so.

I brought the simple cloth back to Olivia and she laid it over the top of the pot so that the glow of what I now know as angel blood was hidden from Caroline’s direct line of sight.

Jerking backwards, Caroline closed her eyes behind her hands and shook her head as she came back to herself. “What happened?” Caroline asked Miss Dominicus as she sank to her seat within the grass, almost out of breath for a moment.

“I’m not sure that this plan is really going to work,” Olivia Dominicus answered nervously. “You know how the sight of human blood can drive a vampire who thirsts for it mad? I think that this Seraphic potion did something similar to you.”

“So if I take it, won’t I then be satisfied?” the huntress asked with disappointment dripping from her words.

Even as Caroline was asking the question, I could hear the loss of hope within her voice.

Olivia answered with close to the same thought that was now going through my mind; “Have you ever known a vampire that had his fill? If you can’t even pull away like Stephen did from so little as an un-tasting glance at the power, is there any sense in bestowing the angelic strength and ability this could confer to you, when you’d be ready so you could fight to claim more of what there may be no way for you to ever find?”

Caroline looked jealously over my way and didn’t say anything for a time . Can I tell you; did her loathing look make me just feel slightly awkward that I had somehow managed to not be affected as intensely she had?

I almost even felt guilty for having pulled myself away from being mesmerized by the sauce because it now seemed that safety barred Caroline from quaffing the potion.

“What about him? ” Caroline finally asked, pointing as she did so with a look of hatred back at me. “Could we make a being of angelic goodness from Mr. Stephen Brown?”

“Wait, what?” I tried to ask. Sure, I might not have been all that keen on the whole vampire idea any longer, but there was no way that I saw myself as becoming anything angelic .

The mage Olivia sounded thoughtful as she drew a mug of the strange glowing liquid from the cook-pot and then quickly placed the blanket back on top of it. “That might actually work;” the spell-caster answered thoughtfully as she looked over my way.

Both of them now crowded around me with the steaming cup of glowing drink. Miss Olivia Dominicus tried to push the mug into my hands as Caroline’s expression became one of pleading with a strange hint of jealousy.

“Stephen, please.” The huntress Caroline beseeched of me. “Hold up here;” I tried to reason and stall her. “Vampires drink human blood all the time. I never heard tell of one of them becoming human from it. Wouldn’t my sipping this be more something like that than the transforming of a human into a vampire?”

Shaman Olivia nodded; “It would, but can you deny that human life-blood has a magic effect on vampires, strengthens them; improves their lives by making them more human?”

I looked into the glowing cup as the answer rolled off my tongue ( at that moment I didn’t feel that I had any real reason to look away from the sweet light ), “So you’re saying this would work like some type of wonder-drug on me, give me strengths that almost make my normal life comparable to death, are you?”

“Right;” the witch-woman answered. “It won’t make you an angel so much as it will leave you more angelic.”

Pulling my eyes up, I caught Caroline’s as they battled to escape the shining cup I now was holding. If this brew might make it possible for us to stop Randy from killing again, one of us had to try; we owed his probable future victims that much, at least. With all my HVA workings, I could be responsible for his ease of attacking.

“Fine.” I answered the two of them; “Just tell me why you call it angel blood before I drink it. Without the glow, it looks more like water than blood...”

“You understand how when a vampire takes blood, they are feeding not on the liquid, but the essence of life that a live human body will produce?” Miss Damascus fell into her role as a teacher with little to no effort; “They need it because the blood formed within a vampire’s body is dark and has no life. This seraphic mixture is pure life with no blood. It is so concentrated, I believe that it could actually be quite painful for any vampire who tries to drink it, in much the same way that sunlight is.

“If it becomes a part of you, your body shall gain the strength and power of sunlight;” the mage explained. “It shouldn’t hurt a human like you any more than direct daylight can.”

I almost tried to argue sunburn here, but the two pairs of hopeful eyes that stared at me encouragingly stopped the words in my throat. No real choice left but to drink it; I saluted both women with the cup, put it to my lips, and bottoms-up.

The liquid was smooth and slightly sweet. I can’t quite describe the taste, but then it wasn’t exactly the taste that I noticed at that moment. As soon as the fluid (which now seemed to gain a mind of its own) rushed itself past my tongue, it gained an eerie warmth that I could feel slide down my throat and begin to collect and grow stronger within my stomach.

So startling and unusual was this feeling that I dropped the now empty cup with my hands grabbing onto my middle as the world began to spin about me. Had I the power to make a noise, I’m sure I would have screamed with how this unexpected warmth now seared me. I did have enough control of my body left to not totally collapse as I curled into a half-sitting position with my knees in front of my chest, then keeled over on the floor where I began to shake.

Caroline hunkered down beside me, putting her hand on my shuddering shoulder; I only half-heard her call out angrily to Olivia, “I thought you said it would be safe! I can’t believe that this is what you had me volunteer to try myself. Why is this happening? Tell me you know something we can do before it kills him!”

Olivia looked at me thoughtfully, “I suppose we never had a light/dark transfer between you two like we planned on doing before his drinking it. He was all too eager to simply ingest the power. A vampire who feeds on human life already generally has enough inborn death to neutralize it, yet it looks as so that enough seraphic light was taken by Stephen that the sudden influx of power now wants to destroy what parts of him are touched by darkness.”

“Can we still attempt the trade of our inborn moralities?” Caroline asked softly.

It was a moment before Olivia answered; “Only one way to find out.”

The spell-caster pushed her gentle hands onto my shoulders to move my body until I was now laid on my back under the light of the nearly-full moon. To my right side, the fire she’d been cooking on had almost gone out- not that I missed it; with how that drink was reacting in me- after swallowing it, I felt I was being boiled from the inside!

The mage positioned Caroline’s hand over the space where my collar-bones come together near the top of my chest as she began reciting some sort of incantation. At first I figured it was to offer some type of magic relief to me, yet instead of calming or comforting my pain, the huntress’s hand quickly became startling hot; from where we touched each other there was a nearly electrical ‘pop’ and the sudden appearance of smoke that was similar to a battery shorting out.

At the same moment as I heard that sound, I could feel the currents generated by the power shifting between Caroline and myself, along with the startlingly painful hand-shaped burn that formed upon my chest.

By how quickly she pulled away to sit cradling her hand (that now looked frostbitten), I’m not sure that the experience was any more pleasant feeling for the huntress.

And even though we no longer touched one another, I was somehow feeling closer to Caroline than I had ever been to anyone. I mean her thoughts seemed to go right through my mind- and mine through hers; it was a moment before we even realized that this was happening, I’m not even quite sure who came to this conclusion first. Once one of us had thought it, we both saw that it was the truth.

As that was happening, I became overwhelmed with all wonder and some sort of newfound right- ness inherently in everything, my whole world seemed to now unnaturally shine with an unreal beauty; at the same time though, the now strengthened fears and distrusts that were taking over her mind could only fill me with regret. Surely my own bitterness with the turns my life might’ve taken had never seemed to be quite that bad! Doing such a thing to Caroline had never been my intention!

Her whole universe was now one of doubt and grief where she almost welcomed the feeling of her own quickly approaching death.

As we both could now recognize these changes in our mindsets (as well as watch each other feel it all), her eyes shot to me with a hatred so sincere it hurt as she commanded me, under her breath. “I’m going to hunt down Randy now. Three people , my two parents and this guy I know, Marshall Bretter; I have worked to keep them part of the innocent, uninformed masses of people who can happily live safely without any belief in supernatural monsters.

“With any luck, Randy won’t be the only one of the vampires I take out tonight as I work towards making that belief of theirs to become a reality. I know that there is no way I can get rid of all of those dark shadows before this extra darkness, now my own, takes me out.

“When the revenge from those monsters comes, keep my people safe. Promise to do this and I will spare you even if you somehow still manage to become a vampire tonight, yourself.

”Because I used my life to save yours, you owe me that much,” Caroline finished saying this to me with little more than an insistent whisper.

This may all sound a little crazy; I know, but let me point out that her mind seemed to be flying in tandem through mine right then.

I could see right into what she was feeling, almost as if the thoughts of her mind were my own; her instructions weren’t even all exactly words I guess, not so much as they were ideas..

And however I might have already tried to describe the pain and heat I was now subject to, those feelings had really become quite bearable with my new bright outlook on life.

And likewise, despite the fact that she physically was feeling close to what I’d describe as cool bliss, the new dark view of the world that she was trapped inside of left her mind almost pleading for an escape. I now knew a need to comfort her with the light and warmth that had become part of my presence and was soon so desperately grasping to her hurting center, I started to feel that I belonged as a part of her mind...

By trying to snatch a closer view of what was going on with her life I somehow lost attachment with my own; it left me trapped within an existence that was something close to a dream. I could see and hear and feel all things from her perspective just as much as I could even follow Caroline’s thoughts as they moved through her mind.

She was aware of me as little more than an imaginary presence. Her mind quickly identified my manner of speech and reaction patterns to be something close to ‘Stephen Brown’, but without Caroline’s total immersion into my reality like I had somehow now trapped myself inside of hers, I quickly assumed that she had little reason to believe I could even really be there; her notice of me only seemed to be that I was nothing more than a silly notion that needed to be ignored.

So strong was this hope of her’s in fact, that I’m not sure there wasn’t a space of time when I began to doubt my own existence myself .

I’m not sure it’s right to say I became her; I mean, it certainly wasn’t what I imagine possession to be, but for all intents and purposes, the two of us shared the same point of view. And I don’t mean I was controlling her in any way; every thought of her’s and action originated from her own mind. I was little more than a spectator to the greatest virtual reality experience anyone has ever dreamed up.

Caroline walked down a nearly empty country road with grey clouds above that were giving way to total darkness as they lost their last hold onto the shine from the sun that had now set. They were thin wispy clouds just thick enough to prevent any starlight from reaching her eyes. She glanced down at her watch without really taking in the time- The sound of a car engine- That has to be Marshall~

Here I both remembered and felt in her mind: Marshall needs to be protected from the vampires.

As his pickup pulls up from behind her, it slows to a stop; the driver is a young man near her age who has pushed open the passenger door open before she is quite sure how she should react.

“Caroline!” He greets her with a grin; “why you coming out my way with no car? I could have picked you up. You just needed to call me. I didn’t even have any idea you were coming out this way today.

”Whatever. Cool surprise,” he commented as he patted the passenger car seat. “Just need to feed my horses, then we can get something to eat, ourselves.”

Now, her feelings for this guy near-obliterated any other thoughts of mine. Just as Caroline’s love for him was flooding through me, I became aware of a deep regret that was almost causing a haze in her vision as she considered that this, right now, would probably be her last time that she would ever be alive to see him. We both could see that when Caroline had given me her spiritual goodness, it had left her engulfed in eternal wrongness that would almost assuredly kill her before the night was through.

I tried to protest from my port of observation within her mind, beg her to come back and have Madame Olivia reverse whatever she had done before. Sure , that might end up killing me, I tried to argue; but I never asked that anyone die in my place!

No, came her answer in a tone that offered no room for argument from the mind I had fooled myself into believing earlier was unaware of me. With those seraphic powers you will be able to stand more strongly against them than anyone has for more than nearly a millennia. You have to live , there can be no question about that.

I’m not sure how long it was, those moments of in-mind argument where I came to know how gladly she would surrender her live might it assure the safety of this little Marshall twerp . How voluntarily she would give up nearly anything would it ensure a final end for those ‘so-called’ evil vampire’s threat that was posed for him.

It was with the following events that I first really saw how unexpectedly this huntress could still make a distinction between ‘good’ and ‘evil’ vampires...

Although I could see what was happening, like I said, I had no control of Caroline’s body. Even more unnerving than that, I couldn’t disconnect my senses from within hers and get back to myself. I had managed, to pull apart from her awareness enough that she resumed an almost normal conversation with Marshall.

I wasn’t even fully paying attention to what was happening between them so overcome with this new entrapment was I, that until I became aware that they were discussing Randy, I could pay little attention to anything other than my odd apparent disconnection with my own body.

Eventually I noticed Caroline’s quickly explaining about her whole HVA involvement along with the need for them to hunt down Randy Marten so that he could be confined or destroyed for everyone’s safety, to the supposed non-informed innocent Marshall.

I’m not saying that he fully believed her, but he didn’t look at Caroline quite like she was crazy either. He finally pulled the truck along-side a modest farmhouse. Getting out and moving to unpack the supplies he had been hauling, Marshall offered to go on her hunt with her after he had fed his animals.

I could tell that her thoughts held a bit of doubt that he had fully understood and accepted why she needed to go after Randy; she just tried to ignore these doubts and offer what help she could with his chores so that they could start out before it got too much later.

You can’t involve your buddy Marshall in this, I tried to argue with Caroline; Randy’s a stone cold monster. He would more than happily kill your friend just to spite you! Without some help, there’s no telling how much longer you’ll even be OK, yourself!

Of course, she understood my complaints; by this time she was just as aware as I was of the hollow, empty, wrongness that now seemed to be pulsing out from the center of her chest. If what she filled me with was light and life, eating her from the inside now was darkness and death. Because she knew she was dying, she wasn’t willing to waste time away from her lover.

We have to get Randy tonight, she stated firmly to our mind. That spook knows I’ve been after him. He has been purposely leaving signs of his presence in an ever decreasing circle around this farm, she explained to me.

I doubt I can live until morning even anyway. Whether I do or not, it still remains my fault that Marshall is his obvious target. Maybe with your own ‘ill-will’ present within my mind I’ll stand more of a chance at stopping Mr. Randy Marten.

Don’t take away what could be my last chance to be with Marshall.

(The following idea still echoes in my mind with her voice whenever the concept applies:) You might now hold what is needed for spreading right and shattering wrong.

Ignoring such a gift would almost be undoing both of those things. Every life you touch will become your own responsibility. With no help, things won’t just fix themselves. Never count upon a second chance. What’s done can’t be undone. Let me live out my life. You can live yours. Don’t fight it. Be real.

And though I’ve often thought of Caroline’s advice/command for me, it was probably more because of her brokenhearted pleas that I let her live out her last short time of existence with Marshall and prevented my struggling any harder to get away yet.

Unfortunately, things might have turned out better for Marshall and myself if I had managed to stop her...

*** Hunting for someone who is hunting for you really doesn’t sound all that hard.

So confident was Caroline that the she and Marshall would ( without effort ) chance upon the outlaw vampire, she set the pace of their trek as something more of a pleasant stroll than the rigid rushing march of a fast and furious hunt. I could feel her struggle not to cry at how trustingly Marshal simply followed along. She doubted that he even bought her explanation of what she was looking for, but he could tell that she was upset and seemed unwilling to leave him behind because of the unspoken fear that she might never see him again.

It wasn’t long before the shadowed form she had been dreading appeared upon the horizon. Holding out her hand before his middle, Caroline halted Marshall; for the first time she truly considered how unsafe for him this course of action was.

The threat of the situation now shone in her mind so brightly, I hadn’t the heart to try and say ‘ I told you so. ’

Looking at her with slight confusion, Marshall tried to continue forward by brushing aside her hand. Caroline almost snapped at him- “Beware” she called as he tried to move past her.

Her warning might have momentarily stopped her boyfriend, but Caroline’s harsh exclamation was easily picked up on by Randy. As sharp as a fox, his eyes that nearly glowed in the moonlight and were now glued to this pair of lovers I currently had my own odd little inside view of.

The wickedness of his little grin as he eyed poor clueless Marshall seemed to react with the cold air of death now taking over Caroline’s chest. I suddenly understood the vampires’ inability to work against their elders.

Randy’s innate darkness seemed to connect with what was now lurking inside of the huntress. I could feel his will that she not stand against him along with his joy that her spirit held so much of the death spirit that he could command.

Sickeningly, the vampire eyed Marshall as if he were something of a treat. Caroline felt worse than useless as she realized that she was suddenly unable even to move so that she could protect him. Knowing that Randy would quickly catch him if she told Marshall to run, the trapped huntress tried to command the vampire instead; she forced out the words, saying, “Randy, you need to leave.”

I do have to say here that Marshall did have the sense to begin noticing the way his girlfriend was actually terrified and not just calmly silent. He didn’t have the ability, however, to realize that her horror existed because of what might happen to him and not to herself.

How could he? She had never indicated to him that she considered her own life to be over, now.

Randy, himself was more than pleased to use his unexpected control of Caroline so he could set the stage for a bit of acting.

Any vampire who has existed for more than a year or so past the date of their actual death, becomes something of an actor. It certainly helps when tricking potential victims into letting down their guard enough so that the killings can be pulled off without a hitch. And because the vampires often find themselves bored with a life of constant repetition that the killings might sometimes become, many a vampire has actually developed a sickening sense of humor.

Pretending he had done nothing to her, Randy circled closer to Caroline until he was almost within easy reach of Marshall. At the same time he acted as if he were answering her, even though his words probably had no intent other than making himself seem innocent.

“Can you help me out perhaps?” Randy ‘asked’ Caroline “I’m looking for Stephen; if anyone could help me kiss up to and make peace with the council, it’s that guy. I swear, he has something of a golden tongue.”

If a person could ask another to -GET AWAY NOW- with only her eyes, I swear, that is what Caroline had been reduced to attempting now as we tried to plead with Marshall using only a gaze.

(Yes we , I didn’t want to watch this happily clueless dofus get torn apart either. With no way back to my own body, I nearly felt I was becoming her. Having no reference of self outside of Caroline’s mind, I was beginning to lose track of my own seperate reality. With how her feelings for Marshall were flowing directly through me, my general approval of his actions was now almost frighteningly and unintentionally becoming something much deeper .)

I’m not sure if Randy could understand my presence in her head or if he even took notice that I was there, but it didn’t take a genius to understand how little she liked the fact that the man she loved was now standing within touching distance of that vampire whom even the other vampires were beginning to grow wary of.

“Worried about a little collateral damage from our fight?” The vampire hissed at her with a sneer as he turned to consider Marshall head-on. The formerly happy boyfriend was beginning to see problems with the whole situation.

“What is the trouble? Who is this guy? What’s wrong here?” Marshall asked and his voice kept getting higher and quieter as he began to realize that Caroline couldn’t seem to answer.

“I can’t believe you didn’t ever try to tell him to watch out for us.” Randy folded his arms and tried to appear insulted. “This isn’t near as much fun without the fear.”

Dear Randy is lucky that he thought to continue holding control of Caroline here or I can guarantee you that she would have punched his face.

He didn’t hold her mouth against snarling out, back his way, “Thanks to your kind and your legion of pet golden-tongued weasels, most humans are sent to schools and universities where the ‘fact’ that vampires don’t exist is hammered into their heads. Were I to even try speaking of what you are, I would quickly be labeled as crazy. Telling him as much as I do has almost risked the best thing I’ve ever had.”

And almost as if to prove the doubts he held, Marshall chimed in here; “Did you really just call him a vampire..?”

Randy started laughing as he stepped closer to Marshall, closing his fists. Both she and I struggled against Randy’s hold, yet couldn’t get between him and Marshall; he who was beginning to chuckle nervously at Randy’s words and laughter.

It didn’t matter though, because the vampire’s supernaturally strong punch would have surely smashed right through the huntress’s slender body and gotten to where it was aimed anyway.

Without that obstacle, the punch easily landed Randy’s vampiric fist

almost through the boy’s head as it could be heard to shatter every bone inside of dear Marshall’s skull.

Then the ultimate vampire insult, Randy wiped clean his hand with a handkerchief and never even tried to taste the blood from Marshall’s fallen body; even off of his own hand.

Finally free from Randy’s clutch, Caroline and I rushed to kneel at the side of what was left of Marshall so that she could uselessly check for a breath or a pulse.

Of course, there could be no luck with that. Marshall was quite dead.

*** I’m sure that there isn’t a hunts-person alive who at sometime or another hasn’t or won’t consider trying to use a vampire’s power to fix a loved one’s death or escape that impending one of their own.

Able to see which way her mind was now heading, my own pleas of don’t do it!! were quickly dismissed as the unfeeling protests from someone who simply didn’t understand.

What could Stephen Brown care about anyway? Caroline merely pushed away my feelings as she thought to herself; That man lives alone and practically has the lifestyle of a vampire himself. There is no way he could understand what I need.

The idea in her mind was short and sweet and to the point- If Randy could turn Marshall, her boyfriend wasn’t lost; the combination then of Marshall’s blood and the absence of Caroline’s light-force should be able to vampirize her. The two of them could then happily live forever together.

Randy, of course, knew the exact direction of the thoughts that were sort of flitting through her mind. He had lived as a vampire long enough that even without controlling her spirit anymore, he was quite familiar with the look of a person who had decided that they wanted to become a vampire.

I guess it’s also safe to assume he was hungry. I have never met a vampire who isn’t hungry to some degree or another, and there was still easy food within his sight.

Whatever you think the reason might be, smirking Randy was standing right before her, looking down, when Caroline fell apart and started to beg for Marshall’s ‘life’.

I tried to reason with her against letting him do it as Randy joyously considered Marshall’s body and nodded at her. When his smile exposed obvious fangs, she turned away with a shudder.

You can’t even watch? I tried to scream at her, you b***h, you brought this onto Marshall. You know this isn’t going to work how you want at all. Get away

now. There is no way you will ever be able to stand alone, unarmed against a newborn vampire.

Her confusion at my sudden fear for her stung. Caroline’s distrust that I, the self-made loner and hermit, could actually care what would happen to another just didn’t compute with my now begging that she protect her own life from my post within her brain.

With a bit more time I could have tried explaining how I had attempted to pull away from most people for their own protection from what I would surely become when I saw that my life seemed to be inescapably within vampire clutches, but I never really got the chance.

Instead, Caroline’s sharp focus was pulled away from me when there was a loud sudden snap that had been made right behind her.

Looking towards the noise, our eyes fell upon Randy with his right arm extended; hand clearly in position to have just called for us. Standing next to him was a slightly dazed and pale looking Marshall who was shaking, with blood on his collar, a small bit dribbled down his chin.

I could feel the smile that seeing him upright had instantly pasted upon her face, yet at the same time, I was aware of the haunted, needing look in his eyes as he struggled to pull them off of her neck. I don’t think this is a good idea, I tried to warn Caroline as she jogged forward to hug him.

Unfortunately, no heed was paid to my words.

Randy was the perfect gentleman, stepping back to let the happy couple come together.

Although of course, once we were close enough to touch and smell one another, there could be no way for Marshall to hold down those sharp, new vampire instincts that were now coursing through him, any longer.

The love she had been reaching for was suddenly nothing of the kind. Coming face to face with a man who has the fangs of an animal, and struggling inescapably against arms that suddenly have a steel-like grip on your shoulders as he tears apart your neck with his teeth; that is not something you ever want to witness first-hand.

In fact I’d almost say Caroline was lucky to die at that point. She at least was spared the constant re-cap that comes in my nightmares.

I am one of the few living people who can say they have experienced death . Lucky me.

Of course; I wasn’t really dead right then, just a slight bit out of body now that her life had been torn away.

***

At first I wasn’t quite sure what had happened. One moment I was struggling futilely against vampire-Marshall, and the next I was stuck without form, watching the scene from above.

In the center of what I could see stood a broken man, shaking with sobs as he clutched the lifeless form of Caroline. Even after she was clearly dead he hadn’t the power to lay her down. Despite his clear struggle against it, he wasn’t able to quit bringing his mouth back to her bloody wounds.

Keep my people safe - still echoed with Caroline’s voice in my head.

As I watched Marshall helplessly succumb to the vampire instincts that he hadn’t yet learned to fight down, I knew that she didn’t blame him for what had happened and was still depending on me to come back and save him.

I mean, I knew. That seeming presence of Caroline, of course couldn’t still respond to anything that was now going through my mind, yet her attitudes with this experience now lived on as almost a part of me. I couldn’t escape the feelings of her angry protests!

Even if that hadn’t been the case, the sound of Randy’s heartfelt laughter as he watched the same scene from the down below me, concerned me with whatever that vampire might have planned for Marshall.

It was because of our light/dark trade from earlier that Randy had controlled Caroline so easily. Any hideous fate that that now befell Marshall would be my own true fault!

I will attest to the fact that floating around formless leaves you feeling quite helpless to do anything. I mean, I knew that I somehow had to get back to my body if I wanted to be of any help to Marshall, and that Caroline’s whole death would be for nothing if I didn’t find a way to stop Randy (an effort that probably required a physical body as well).

I did manage to look in the direction back towards where Olivia Dominicus’s odd little house had been, but whatever non-corporeal, invisible form I had unintentionally taken, I didn’t seem to have any better eyesight than a normal person did, so I couldn’t really see it from where I was.

And struggling to move my non-present arms and legs was quickly getting me nowhere. Why had Caroline been trying to do this to herself? All of this supposed ‘light’ had simply left me disconnected. She may have felt a bit helpless and alone while standing near Marshall’s side as he was unable to do other than attack, but wouldn’t ‘helpless’ be a good description for where I actually was right now?

I’d take becoming a vampire over this any day!

You need to help Marshall. I could help him better had I never touched that ‘Seraph dope’ or whatever it was.

Angel blood. I’m not saying I heard her voice here. It was my own mind!

It must have been-

But now of course, the thought of angels pulled to mind an image of a glorious white winged sword-fighter. A flash of quick movement leaving behind nothing but a single white feather that slowly floats to the ground. Wavy, loose , shining hair falling past his chin that isn’t quite blond but more of a white tinged with silver that I wouldn’t say looks old.

His clothing and boots all white, but you know? I didn’t keep picturing this...

My mind was now on those wings. If imaginary swimming with invisible limbs was what I had been reduced to trying, who could tell me not to try stretching my non-existent wings?

My basic thought was to fly back to my own body if I could, and as soon as that idea was fully formed in my mind, every space in my vision flashed- a quick light like a flashbulb that leaves a momentary fuzz in your eyes -something like a photographer’s snap.

I tried to squeeze my eyes against the glow, and realized I had physical eyes again. With back and shoulders unexpectedly sore, but no wings there when I reached my arm back to check.

Although that movement brought forward my sleeve that was somehow strangely faded right before my eyes.

Pulling my arm back brushed forward hair I found startlingly long that seemed somehow like it had been bleached. Standing, up I wanted to find a mirror, Olivia had to have one...

I’m not sure why I was certain that I would be in her house, because I wasn’t.

Well I was almost in the correct place, I was just right in the middle of that field where the house had been previously located. Remember I said that she kind of had disappeared?

And maybe ten minutes later when I found a roadside gas station where I could try for a quick look at myself in the restroom mirror, can you guess what imaginary dream-figure I saw? Minus the sword and wings of course.

Well, I knew where I was, and I was pretty sure of the way back to where I’d just left Marshall with Caroline.

I wasn’t quite sure how this new ‘pastel’ version of myself stood any better chance against Randy, and since the one person who might be able to tell me saw no problem with leaving me unconscious in the middle of a field within known

walking distance of renegade vampires, I wasn’t really in the mood to find her.

If I started out to where I parked my car for that council meeting, I should be able to go pick Marshall up and get him to my cabin before sunrise. It may take a bit of talking and some heavy reliance on good traffic, but Caroline’s last request was that I watch after him.

As she had transformed me into some sort of representative of goodness that now had her wants flashing through my mind, I guess I sort of felt like I had to.



Author's Note

This part was written as the background for a
free poem that I wrote beforehand.