Beginning Again

Continuation of my story

Here I am again writing to you all from my bedroom in Brisbane at 3:30 Am. My thoughts have kept me up once again and unfortunately I see no sleep coming to sweep me away into a dream for a while.

So... Another time in my life that I remember myself standing out in the crowd is back in 1998 Red Nose Day, helping raise money for a much deserving cause. To make it a fun time for us kids at Kindy, our teachers thought it would be a wonderful day to dress up as clowns and make a day out of it. I can remember seeing all the excited faces of us youngsters who had read books on clowns, seen movies or just wanted to be the star of a circus when we grew up. I went home that night with the letter in my hot little hand and gave it to my parents so that they could start preparing a costume for me. My mother sat on our old bamboo couch with me she had a pile of children's books beside her so that we could flick through the pictures in them and hopefully find some inspiration on what type of clown I wished to be. I knew that I didn't want to be a "scary" clown nor a clown with a rainbow of frizzy hair, but me being the "weird" child that I was... I decided to be a sad clown. When it came to the day of all days at Kindy my mum put me in my technicolored shirt with my overalls and boots with a lovely white collar that she had sewn for me. Then it was makeup time; I had a ghost white face, two bright cheeks full of blush, an exaggerated sad face drawn by red lipstick and then a tear drawn on the top of my cheek (as if to say that you couldn't tell that I was a sad clown already by the lips). 

I can't for the life of me remember all that much about the day at Kindy itself but still to this day my parents bring out the photo album and show all our visitors and family friends their little 4 year old who decided to stand out... I have talked to my psychologist about this before to see if I had any signs of depression as such before my teenage years in which I was diagnosed. By the way that she looked at me and was asking questions about this, I had a thought that she may have been thinking that this had shown to her some early signs of me being "sad" as a child, but, I don't really think of it that way. All I think is that I was starting out young to be an independent "young" lady and to not bother about what anyone else thinks about you... after all, 

"What others think about you is none of your business"... 

I hope to post a picture of the sad little clown girl up here to go with this story, just so that it may in fact put a smile on your faces :) 

Thank you once again for reading. Writing here makes me feel like I am accomplishing something that I have always wanted to do. And by sharing these stories (and more to come) I hope that I can reach out and touch someone's heart who may be going through the same thing that I am.