It no longer hurts

It no longer hurts to breathe,

the iron clad pain around

my heart broke into crimson

stained slivers falling to the

bottom of despair,

the sound of jubilation joining

the bluest blue sky quivering

with the melodies of harp

and lyre.

I deeply inhaled the day a

great glowing golden light

unlocked my steely prison, and

a gentle breeze dried my tears

of ancient time and opened

the floodgates of compassion,

the colour of your deep dark

eyes upon my weary mind.

I clasped your outstretched soft,

warm, slender, and orange jasmine

scented hands in mine.

Your feathery light kisses

upon my frosted lips merged

with the lily shaped dew of your

wondrous love, melting on

my parched tongue, setting my

body on fire.

I timidly put one foot in front

of the other, the stony ground

gradually changing into smooth

shiny pebbles washed pure by

a river angling through a lush

green meadow, surrounded by

fragile buttercups and tiny

English daisies proudly

bathed by the sun’s radiant

memories of a thousand years.

My heart now danced inside your

sweet embrace, immersed in

secret pleasures, sharing

sacred moments of a life

rescued from certain ruin,

the hour it didn’t hurt any more

to breathe.

 

 

Reviews

[barleygirl]

This is a very nicely crafted stream of consciousness message. It seems like in the first half of your message, you are relying a bit too much on ordinary or cliché word choices in a few places: "bluest blue sky" . . . "great glowing golden light" . . . "deep dark eyes" . . . not so memorable really, altho the alliteration is good. Then about halfway thru, it seems like your senses have awakened & your thrust is developing, so that you deliver a much more detailed & original-sounding message full of vivid imagery: "melting on my parched tongue" . . . "surrounded by fragile buttercups and tiny English daisies" . . . "sun's radiant memories of a thousand years."

[Marianne]

I so enjoy your feedback, barleygirl, and always learn something new. You are so right about 'overworking' the beginning of the poem. This is an older poem and I have been trying hard to write more succinctly. Thank you so much for recognising that in the second half. I'm still quite the amateur writer, but love to find expressions that paint the scene of the topic I hope to convey.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Finding love after a broken heart can feel like a resurrection... yes love is a mysterious miracle. Your poem is quite lovely.

[Marianne]

I have just found the new feature to reply to a review. Thank you so much for your sweet comment!