Wish Come True.

I wish I was as smart 

As my family wanted me to be.

Maybe then I would not be so alone.

Maybe then they would not have hurt me.

I wish I was as pretty 

As my sister was, in my old life.

I wish I could have a perfect figure.

Maybe then I would not be bullied so much.

I wish I didn't resort to cutting

At my own skin, I wish I could turn back time

And pretend that I had no care in the world.

Maybe then I would not be so isolated.

I wish I was as perfect

As my sister surely was.

I wish I had a perfect face, perfect scores.

Maybe then I would not care what others said about me.

I wish I could rewind time,

And if I could, I would.

I would rewind time back to when 

I was not born into this harsh, deceitful world.

Maybe then I would not have to live,

I would not have to survive this terrifying journey

All alone, isolated, with no support network.

Then my wish would come true.

Reviews

[Addy]

I love the story and the message. You could work on the flow a little bit, but other than that it's lovely

[1Disawsum]

Thankyou so much for your review, great to receive constructive criticism! Much appreciated, I'll try my best on the next one xx

[I Am Svetlana]

We all wish to be someone else at some point in our lives and if no one, you have me by your side. I can relate to this simply because my sister is the more pretty one, the smart, nature one that everyone seems to notice. Then there's me...my nose in a book, writing, isolating myself because I normally don't like being around too many people or socializing. Everyone hates that I don't seem to care about anything and they don't trust me. I'm never really allowed out with my friends or them to even come over without my rents freaking out and getting pissed. Pretty much, I'm left with my notebooks, pens and my books. Those are my best and only friends lately.

[1Disawsum]

Yes, we all do, don't we? And that's what makes it so sad. Thankyou, that means more than you can imagine. I'm glad I have supporters on here. Yes, we are in a similar situation. As long as you have those things, you will be fine. You will survive, because you are stronger than the rest of them. At least we have things to write about, and they are meaningful. You are stronger than them, you are a WARRIOR. Good luck, and I have a feeling we might be talking a bit more... ;)

[I Am Svetlana]

I'm glad we are able to relate on quite a few things through our writing, since our writing seems to tell more about us than we choose to. Haha. And yes, I'm always here if you want to talk, I really enjoy talking to you and relate to you. It makes me smile and makes my day brighter with each message. I believe that you are a special girl and we are both warriors!

[1Disawsum]

aha yes, very true statement! Thankyou, and the same goes to you. Whenever you feel like you just need a person to talk to, well, I'm free! Writing is also my escape, or even reading. Same here, I'm glad we have similar connections in our life at the moment! aaw thanks! You are... extraordinary, special and a lucky four leafed clover :)

[I Am Svetlana]

I wouldn't quite call myself a four leaf clover, but I do feel that I am special in one way or another. I'm glad that writing and reading are your escapes in life, two things that are 100% dependable. Much better to have them around than actual human friends, I say. They never let you down when you need them most. I'd always loved reading ever since I was little and got into writing when I was 8, but didnt use it therapeutically until highschool when I began to discover my true talent for it. And how old are you? If I could ask without seeming rude...

[1Disawsum]

oh you are definitely a lucky four-leafed clover in my eyes! :) that's great that you feel that, as long as you yourself believe it, it will shine out and everyone who comes across meeting you will believe it too. :) Yes, so true! Nothing can take writing away from me, writing can still be done in your head! :) very dependable tools aha and it helps you in life, unlike a lot of other things!
I don't even know when I loved reading, all I know was that I was very young as well! I also loved to write from a very young age, but I think school ruined it a bit for me. I love writing, only when I can feel free in doing so. In school, you are forced into one topic, a very unpassionate topic in my opinion, and I feel forced into doing something against my free will. However, I continued to write, and have used it for therapy ever since! Nothing is better for therapy than paper, ink and your creative brain, i say!
I'm a high school, 3rd year of high school... if you don't have high school, I'm sorry, I don't know the equivalent of it! I'm 14, in basic terms. How old are you? :)

[1Disawsum]

wow... I did a lot of smiley faces! Time for a change... GRIN! :D

[I Am Svetlana]

Wow, you seem very mature for your age. In the way you talk and think, I mean. Yeah, writing has helped me a lot in my life and helped me overcome some tough obstacles (like cutting, for example) that even my parents wouldn't understand. My mom sure doesnt whenever I try explaining to her why I used to do it back in high school. Some never understand, but that's on them...and I'm 22 years old, turning 23 in late October. And I think sophomore year was my favorite year in high school, that's when I met one of my best friends and the most rememer able year.

[1Disawsum]

thankyou, wasn't expecting that! Same here, writing has helped me in basically everything life threw at me, cutting, 2 EDs, depression and suicide. Yes, it's safe to say writing has been with me throughout my whole life's journey! Yes, some people will never understand why we do what we do, but it's just another coping mechanism for us...

[I Am Svetlana]

And everyone has their own coping mechanisms in life. We all pick our poisons at a young age and see where they take us. I'm glad to have said something that you weren't expecting! And many may not understand, but that doesn't mean the have a right to criticize us and point out all we are doing wrong or where we will end up.

[1Disawsum]

Yes, very true. aha
Yes, that is very true as well, they may think they know well, but what they don't know, and hopefully will never know, is how addictive these coping mechanisms are, and how telling us to just quit and hand over our razor blades/sharp objects, talk to a therapist and do something else etc. is just like telling a smoker to just quit, and never walk out of the house in fear of buying smokes. Cravings are exactly what they read. We crave for the rush of adrenaline, the look of blood, the control.

[I Am Svetlana]

I know how the smoker thing is since I've been one for almost two years now. My parents think I quit. I'm currently going through withdrawal since I finished my pack on Friday, so I'm pretty depressed and irritated today. People shouldn't talk about things they don't understand or haven't gone through, it shows ignorence and I feel it's rude of them. Anyway, sorry for the late response, I was cleaning my house :/ I missed talking to you though :)

[1Disawsum]

Yes, nobody knows how hard addictions can be. It's easy to say "I quit" but infinitely harder to actually do it. There is a reason why addictions are called addictions, and why smoking and cutting etc. are under that category!
No problem, I was sleeping! Just woke up aha I missed talking to you too, I wanted to stay up all night but I fell asleep... oops? :)

[I Am Svetlana]

Well, we could stay up tonight and talk more if you want :) I'm here all night anyway if I can't sleep, I'm always logged on. I missed you more! And yeah, it's not easy being dragged down by an addiction, but you can only get help if you truly want it...or else there's no point. Smoking is bad enough, glad I'm not addicted to any hard drugs or anything. That would be quite a trip!

[1Disawsum]

aha yeeees! :D only if you can't sleep though... aaw thanks! Yes, but as you said, only if you truly want to. However, the one thing so many people I know don't realise is that they're going to be addicted again, even when they're on a program of sorts to quit, at least once. It's that hard to quit.
Yes, me too! I'm glad I'm not addicted to drugs aha even if I wanted to, I don't even know how people would get the drugs... good thing for me, I guess!

[I Am Svetlana]

Well, in order to get drugs you need to have the right connections and/or know the right people. Sorry that we didnt get to talk last night :/ I went out fishing with my dad and little sister. We were going to go swimming, but the pool was closed. I even caught better fish than my dad! Not as many, but better, though I was alittle rusty on my technique on how to actually catch the fish. Haha. I hope you had a decent night though overall.

[1Disawsum]

no need to tell me how to get drugs but thanks! aha no worries, I would've probably fallen asleep half way through the conversation anyhow aha fun! I've never been fishing, but I'd love to learn one day... it looks so fun yet boring? I guess it's the people that you're going with that may change the situation... YAY! Congratulations! Thankyou, it was better than usual.
Although I wouldn't like to get my hopes up... tomorrow's bound to be more worse than usual to make up for yesterday... When am I ever going to be immune from all the words they throw at me?! I'm guessing probably never... words still hurt as much as they did when I first got called them...

[I Am Svetlana]

Fishing takes a lot of patience, I'll tell you that much. And yeah, I guess it would depend on who you go with. I've really only gone fishing with my dad, since I feel that if I why with my friends, I wouldn't be as concentrated and it would all be a big competition. And one thing to keep in mind about having bad days or about the hurtful things people say to you, their words will hurt you only if you let them. They probably know nothing about you or your life story, people on here probably know more about you than those worthless bullies. They'll get their karma one day, believe me...but the only person who is allowed to make us feel bad about ourselves is us, only if we let it. They are worthless scum and wastes of skin. Think of it like a book or something, they being the evil monsters and you must find a way to save everyone. If you've ever seen 'Read It and Weep', that's kind of what I'm explaining. It's an old Disney Channel movie.

[1Disawsum]

Yes, but it's not as easy as it seems, it's so hard to dodge the words. It's not even all about the words, the words themselves may do no harm to me, but it's the way those words are spoken in, the tone, the context. And worse, they come at the most unexpected times. I don't know... I'll try watching the movie when I can, thanks! :)

[I Am Svetlana]

The movie is on Netflix, in the kids part, so it shouldn't be too hard to find. And I know...I wish there was some way I could help, but all I do is type words to you through a screen...

[1Disawsum]

thankyou! haha no worries, I wish I could help you too... :( but the best we can do is type words onto a screen... so we have to sue what we have! :D

[I Am Svetlana]

I'm glad that this site has plenty of supportive people though, be it for writing or personal problems. I am always here when you need me, I'll always get back to you if ever I don't answer right away like I normally do. I'm so used to having such good conversations with you...I always look forward to them when I wake up and when I'm going through my day. I guess I'm just...eager to know you? Haha.

[1Disawsum]

Yes, I'm most grateful for it. Thankyou so much, and don't forget, I'm also always here for you too. A lot of people seem to forget that they are still human, and not everyone can handle everything by themselves. Even if you are supporting me, don't forget that you can also be supported. Just wanted to remind you :)
aaw thanks! Yes, I am eager to know you more as well aha I wish I could always go on here to talk to you, but I have a feeling soon that my school will block this site... so I can only go on here once I'm at home! nooo... let's hope not, anyhow! I'll miss talking to you even more :(
You're the closest I've had to a best friend, in real life and on the computer.

[I Am Svetlana]

I'm grateful to know that my friendship and computer presence are paying off! :) I just find you interesting...I don't really know how to explain it. Like, you're thinking is so beyond your years and some around you. Do you have super powers? Haha. I went to see X-Men with my dad yesterday and it made me want to be a mutant and save the world! Ugh, I don't want to wake up...too early! And keep your chin up in school and out...if you show people that their words are affecting you, then you're letting them win. You have to be strong...only we can save ourselves.

[1Disawsum]

BAHAHAHA OMG did you know you're hilarious?! :') Thankyou, I had to grow up too fast. That's what happens when you're forced to, I guess... aha I wish... time travel? Flying? I definitely have the invisibility power, nobody sees me! I'm really starting to wonder if I do have that power... cool!
WOOO become a ninja mutant! Yes, I definitely agree, I have to wake up at 5am... aargh but I'm sleeping in until 6:30am from now on lol I'm sleep deprived, not good...
Easier said than done, as you probably can realise. It's hard not to allow their words to hurt you, if you get called names over and over again, well, you really start to believe them. They reinforce the words into you until you believe them. Then they get the pleasure and satisfaction to do it again, and again, and again.

[I Am Svetlana]

You gotta do what you can to be strong though. Like, have you ever heard the song called 'Titanium' by Sia? If you listen to that and really focus on the lyrics (or just print them out), I'm sure it could help you a bit. It is specifically about bullying and the message says that you're bulletproof and that their words won't touch you, you're titanium. Anyways, give it a listen if you haven't heard of it. And I've always like the concept of good and bad superheroes and mutants. I'd like to be a bad one, but also a good one in a way. I can never seem to choose. I like destroying things, but I also enjoy putting them back together and helping people.

[1Disawsum]

Yes, I have, I love it, the lyrics and everything. aha bad guy that saves the world? Goes against stereotypes, I'd like that! aha lol so you just break stuff to piece them back together again? Interesting concept... ! :D

[I Am Svetlana]

Thanks, I like the concept too, but have no idea how to incorporate it into a story or anythiń. Maybe I'll make it into a story, I have no idea. I have so many other story ideas I have piled up that I need to pen out...and to add to your comment about me being hilarious, I don't get that very often!

[1Disawsum]

ahaha well you're going to from me! A lot... :D let's message each other, more private... :) we're just randomly choosing this place to chat bahaha

[I Am Svetlana]

Alright, sounds like a plan!