Ink is Blood

*WARNING: INTENSE. VIEWER'S DISCRETION IS ADVISED* 4th in the Get My Attention Contest* Thanks, Emily!!! :D <3

My body is my canvas,

My blood provides the ink.

The blade is my pen,

And the scars, my stories.

Sad stories only, no happy ones on this page.

Carved into my flesh with the tip of my blade,

Blood trickling out of the fresh wound,

Careful not to cut too deeply, so I don't meet my best dream.

The pain satisfies me, allows me to see,

Past all of this hurt and misery.

The scars, they remind me of what I've been through,

And remind me of what not to do.

To avoid being hurt like that again,

To avoid the cause of the misery, though it never seems to end.

And though the blade helps, it's just for a short while,

Then the frown comes back and away goes the smile.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

Bleeding mean we had lived and danced.
"The pain satisfies me, allows me to see,
Past all of this hurt and misery.
The scars, they remind me of what I've been through,
And remind me of what not to do."
Scars do become ink for tale and story. I told the kids live like a Hemingway. Write like Jack London. Understand life like John Dryden. I enjoyed the poem. A poem to raise thoughts and possibilities. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[1Disawsum]

Yes, true. Bleeding means we have lived and danced. Blood rushing in our veins means we are still alive for one more second. Thank you for commenting! xx

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome. Always a pleasure to read your words.

[Confuser]

It's honest, the cut, the release, the secret of it is not spoken, but that's alright. I like it anyway. I think it's great. I really enjoyed it.

[1Disawsum]

I have made many poems about cutting, maybe try and read I Am Alive, and Self-Control. They're the ones that are completely based on self-harm. I'll try and explain it to you now:

The cut. Nervously breathing, but excitement is evident. You're nervous of how far you're going to cut. Are you going to die, just from this one cut gone too deep? Or are you going to live in this hell-hole you call planet Earth? The adrenaline of the final cut, the sight of blood rushing down in streams down your arms. All you see is red, all you feel is pure blissfulness, and peace. Finally, peace. The calming of your heart, your mind finally calm and relaxed. A secret that only you will know about. The secret of cutting. What do you mean by the secret of it? The desirable, long-awaited feeling of happiness and the feeling of floating on a cloud. The joy of being able to tear yourself open, as harsh as that may seem, the enjoyable feeling of hurting yourself. Yet, you don't realise that you're hurting yourself. You think that you are releasing the emotions through blood. It is like drawing lines on your arms, it is a way of relaxing, getting things out of your system, once and for all. A mixture of feelings, before and after. Cutting is like singing to yourself your own love song. The sharp object in your hand is your lover, but the lines across your arms? They're your love. Unconditional love.

Thanks for commenting xxx

[Confuser]

You have to get to the why behind it all; that's what in the end will let you see a beginning. You are young. Oh, the secrets we hold inside, you are honest and I appreciate it, but the blade isn't your lover, I do disagree. The self-hate you hold on to so tightly will dissipate. I will like you anyway. I don't know how old you are, I cannot see your face, I don't need to. You are me, you are like so many others that take hold in the pain/anger/rejection we feel and put in on ourselves. With maturity comes so much. Education, reading is so important. I will read your poems. I use to say, If I can go to school, college, anyone can. My X-husband use to tear up my books...and a lot more. I've got stories that will make you shiver so give it to me. If you use facebook, I'm DaleSpringsMitchum. My daughter is Cathy Snipes - she is facing a heart transplant. She is 32 - My stepdaughter is AshelyJacobus-she is facing a divorce. It's horrible. But I get the feeling you are younger, but have experienced so much. I married when I was 17; had to leave.

[1Disawsum]

that is true, but the question is, how? My foster dad asked me the same question, but... I could never answer it honestly, for I myself, do not know why. I know the basic, surface reasons, but like everything, there's a deeper reason behind it all. Strip back the layers and you will find the foundations, so to speak. But as many things, it is much easier said than done. Yes, I now know that the blade isn't my lover. I'm clean for a few months now, but sometimes, it's just so hard. Clinical depression doesn't make it any better either! I'm 15, yes, I am young. But like you said, I've been through many... traumatic events in my life. Abuse, rape, bullying, hate etc. All of it. But maturity does not necessarily put you out of the victim spot, unfortunately, does it? I don't know, I think that I'm just scared of what is to come later on in the years. Thankyou xx I'm glad that you're not with your ex.husband now, you do not deserve a person who does not respect what you want, or you. Hopefully the surgery will go well for your daughter, and if she stays strong throughout it all, she will make it through, promise. I'm sorry for what you and your family are going through, though I suspect you do not want any sympathy. The thing is, I've never been through the real-life situations and problems as of yet, so I do not know much...

[Confuser]

You are so kind! And I am shocked that you are only 15, truly shocked. Finding a GREAT psychologist and go from there. Your brain is still developing; so I don't know the ends/outs of anti-depressants nor would I be qualified in any way to say yes or no. Life is hard!! Girls, especially at your age, can be mean. I'm still trying to get over your age. You will not want to believe me, but you can become a great author and teach others so much. That I know for a FACT!! To be 15 and KNOW what you want to do with your life is such a huge deal. I don't think you realize that. I don't think you know how big of a deal that is. And I can relate so much to your experiences. I picked up of tone of anger/me saying finding the why. Good Lord, with what you've been through, why not hurt yourself. I just pray you will find a great psychologist. They do exist. I hope your foster father can help you with that. I put myself through college working for a great one. Don't give up on that.

[1Disawsum]

:) yes, I've been through many psychologists throughout my life, but none of them I've liked enough to spill. Yes, I know that girls my age can be mean, but of course, teenagers are all going through hormonal changes, and maturity changes etc. I hope I can become a good author, and if I do, that is my aim. To teach others. Not to resort to habits as coping mechanisms, to not be afraid to speak up before it's too late, and for the people going through what I'm going through... to well, believe in themselves, and trust themselves. That no matter what happens, you can get through it all. Though God knows it's not going to be easy! But life is a journey full of ups and downs. If things were easy, everybody would do it. But it being hard is what makes it amazing. Yes, great psychologists do exist, but in my city? I don't think so! I've been through almost all of them, and none of them so far, as stated before, have helped me. My foster dad tries, he really does... he was once my counsellor as well as teacher, but now, I think he's realised I need something more than a counsellor! Thank you xx

[Confuser]

Prayers going your way; I know you will win.....somehow, someway.

[Mirra]

"My body is my canvas,
My blood provides the ink.
The blade is my pen,
And the scars, my stories."

Words every writers.

I can relate to this. Well-penned!

[1Disawsum]

thankyou for your comment, much appreciated!

[Mirra]

You're welcome :-)

[I Am Svetlana]

'And though the blade heps, it's just for a short while', such powerful truth to this piece. Some days, we long for the pain to take us away, but never too far away that we land on Death's doorstep. We just need something, anything to make us feel, something to help us get by, even for alittle while. I can surely relate to this since I was a cutter for about five years on and off, stopped back in October. Anyways, it's not easy to give up something as powerful as the blade, it puts up a strong fight and most cannot win it. We all self-harm for our own reasons, I understand, but it is possible to find your way out of it one day.

[1Disawsum]

Yes, very powerful lines but if definitely speaks the truth, like you said. Such a simplistic line to everyone who hasn't cut, isn't it? Yes, we do it to feel, whether it be pain or to just get rid of the numbness. Yes, I'm trying to quit, writing is my new blade. It rips open my heart, and the blood is the ink on this page. I hope so, congratulations on your win over the blade! It's so tempting to go back when a day has gone bad, so I congratulate you on not doing so! You are one, strong, brave character! Thanks for commenting, much appreciated xx

[I Am Svetlana]

You're very welcome and it's a long battle to win, but just remember that you aren't the only one who surrenders to it. I quit mainly because deep down, I was able to see how it upset those around me, how it hurt them as I hurt myself. I didn't understand why they would be hurt because I knew they didn't feel at all what I felt inside. I remember promising my mom to her face that I would stop and how angry she was when she would find out again sometimes. Its a very inner emotional battle, not just a physical one and people misunderstand and think its a cry for attention. It's something way more serious than that. But I am here whenever you want or need someone to talk to or understand what you're going through.

[1Disawsum]

thankyou so much for the support, still trying! :)

[Isadora Swift]

Ugh, I look like a stalker commenting on all your poems, but I can't help it!
Dark and sad but beautiful at the same time! (obviously not the subject but the phrases and the way you present it). It's quite hard when writing about self harm to refrain from glorifying it (often unintentionally) especially if you go/ have been through it yourself because it is such a part of you, but I think you have phrased this perfectly to avoid that!

[1Disawsum]

haha keep it up! :D thanks so much for commenting, it helps me improve. Thanks! haha yes, it can be quite hard, but somehow, the words just flowed out of my head and onto the page, and that's how I kept it! Glad you didn't see me do that here! :)