Saying Goodbye

About when I had to say goodbye to my boyfriend at the trainstation =[

I’m trying to see through my tears,

I’m trying to push them away,

I’m trying to act so strong,

There’s so much I have to say,

But they just won’t leave,

They’re burning my eyes red,

I look up at you and choke,

On words I would have said,

You close your eyes and look away,

I know you hate to see me cry,

“I don’t want to go,” I whisper,

“I don’t want to say good bye.”

But we both know that’s my train,

The beast that will take me away,

“You’ll be back soon, baby,”

“Just count down the days,”

I reach up on my tiptoes,

And gently kiss your lips,

I try to remember your touches,

Your hands upon my hips,

I’ll need their echoes in desperate time,

I’ll dream of you holding me tight,

When I wake thinking of you,

And as I fall asleep each night,

It’s so hard to pull away from your arms,

To be thrown back in the deep end,

Back into reality,

Oh how on you I depend.

Looking through the double glass window,

As the train begins to grind,

Its wheels begin to turn,

And my heart begins to whine,

I place my hand on the window,

And mouth the words “I love you,”

And as you move out of sight,

I whisper the words “I love you.”

Author's Note

What'ya think?

Reviews

[GamingGal]

Pros: It takes talent to truly portray emotion and to take someone to a certain scene you've created. And you've done this. You've used words to paint a picture and used emotions to take us there. I commend you for this. Also, you had a beautiful rhyme scheme that helped carry the poem along, not to mention help heighten the desperation and sorrow this person feels.

Cons: None that I can see.

Overall: 'Tis a wonderful poem, my dear. One I truly enjoyed and that transported me to within itself. Beautiful.

[Soren]

Sad. I felt it and have lived through it so it brought back memories. I liked it a lot.

[Joz]

great use of imagery and emotion, i think everyone can relate to saying goodbye to a loved one. anyway, overall solid piece :) looking forward to reading more.

[salvador (camuel choisu..]

What can i say, um let me try. Um it give me a clear image of the emotion and feeling at the moment. I saw the train depart and i could see every thing clearly as if i was the one in the same situation. Great work of art, it is passionate and visual.

[Mimi Vanity]

Wow. This actually screams what you're feeling, I've felt the same way before.
Very nicely written :D

[Matt Stewart]

The beautiful thing about this poem is that I can see it all happening right in front of me. That's TRUE talent when you can take someone to a certain place in time just with words of your own. I really like this, and the expression you put into it made it all too real! :)

[Coyote Poetry]

A very good poem. Saying goodbye to people is a skill we won't ever understand. I could feel the built-up of sadness and the wish to stop time. Last lines made poem complete. A excellent poem.
Coyote