Panic Attack

i have panic attacks very often. and it comes and goes in stages and certain feelings. so here is what a panic attack is like:

a feeling of uneasiness.

it covers me like a fire blanket.

it lives within me like untouched diamond mine under a mile of rock. 

its crystal light, shifting and chopping images.

its an empty highway.

a cold and wet summer.

it makes me look over my shoulder for fear of what i know not.

its a cold spring that does not make you alert but relaxes you. 

it makes my brain numb and bustling and the same time

i can feel my clothes on me and they don't feel right.

it makes my heart beat faster and faster and harder.

its the difference between a dream and reality. 

faces don't look right. no, scratch that. you cant see them at all.

all of the students are silent. they walk through the halls but no sound is made.

its the phantom word everyone knows but doesn't. you ask and it leads you into circles.

i have to movemovemove, but i cant! i want to go home but its not there! i need to thinkthinthitht. 

the colors all around me are wrong! wrongwrongwrong!

i desperately cling to something that is normal and real, like coffee in the morning... but... something IS WRONG!

ITS ALL WRONG!

shhhhhhh...  

 

thats the sound of people sitting in a room and staring. the room is teal and Steele blue. stealsteakstare. why is it blue? whats behind me? why is someone tapping? why is the room so large and cold? who is watching me? that tapping is really bothering me... who is taping?! 

...

its me. count to ten Emily, you are fine. 

1ne.

2wo.

3hree.

4our.

5ive.

6ix.

7even.

8ight.

9ine.

10n.

wait.

something is wrong. 

WHAT'S. WRONG.

Author's Note

near the end i get pretty scatter brained, that's on purpose ;)

Reviews

[Relic]

I've never got them to the extent of this but I do remember getting them. My ears and face would get hot and I felt like everyone was staring at me but I was afraid to move. You put it into perspective here, good job.

[lady pilot]

thankyou :D

[Relic]

You're welcome.

[Coyote Poetry]

Many years ago. I got panic attacks. They can be dangerous. Counting and stopping the task can allow the body to become okay again. Very good description of a panic attack. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[lady pilot]

thank you so much!