When I Go Down with the Sun

Just a rambling, should be an essay but that's not an option so;)

I am walking through the dim evening
Seeing, thinking, hearing
Green-blue-gray- above the shadowed trees and darkened roofs
And realize I'm the only one that feels more at home in the dark

I am comfortable in the place
Where demons go to make love and make dinner
Where sniffing a flower could bring unseen horrors from the bush above
Where birds blend the skies like an oil painting

I am the only one
Who drinks tea with God
And does not use a capital H
Who reads for fun and wishes she could wear all black and blend in too

But then I go to parties
Talk to Matt and Jason and Drew and Andy
Smile. Curl blond hair around one finger.....
Laugh at everything they say....

Praying to this lower-case h that they never find me out
Because then I have to face the mirror with a message
One telling it the war is lost
Sparta always killed the messenger.

Author's Note

This is from a while ago- digging through old notebooks and spirals and papers.
Just tell me what you think, I love constructive criticism:)

Reviews

[Orlando Murcia]

What I Love about this piece is that it's different in such an exquisite kind of way... Though it might be confusing to some... It's still something that I am sure is going to stick with them for the longest of time...

Great work hun...

[Maria Linden]

Thank youuu:)

[Madison.]

This is beautiful.

[Maria Linden]

Thanks so much:) I'm glad it's made an impression.

[Madison.]

You're welcome(:

[Tymothy L Smith]

Like the piece, like the feel of it. Not sure about the H, h use?
'praying to the lower case h', is a really interesting line, so i'm thinking it must be in the looking/pretending?
Good feel, look forward to reading more of your stuff.

[Maria Linden]

So I'll just put it out there that this poem was never meant to be terribly deep. The use of cases in H was simply referring to my difference from most people in that I'm an atheist- I totally see how it's confusing, and unless you knew me personally it might not make any sense:)

[Daimonick Koivisto]

I like how you are at one with the darkness and wear a disguise to fool others around you. We all fake smiles to keep others away.

Even if this is an old one it is still a good one

[Scott Durham]

I really enjoyed this.

[Just Kim]

I enjoyed reading this piece. well done

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i quite like the feel of this piece...and can see why you would opt for London...a place that is also on my list.
this is everyday life, but referred to with that nighttime London fog feel to it.

a confessional feel to this...like the Beats.

jacob

[Maria Linden]

That was sort of the idea! At least feeling out of place where you are. Pretending. Thanks:)

[KeeD]

Where demons go to make love and make dinner, How cool was that :) i liked it.
Amazing the direction the poem headed into.. it seemed so real so honest.. I can relate to such a poem and as an author that's all you want your readers to be able to do relate to your work. Job well done.

[Maria Linden]

You're right. As an author that is one of the more important things to do, or it makes you unreadable. Thanks again hon:)

[KAin]

Nice work here with a great, atmospheric poem.
I especially like the line
"Green-blue-gray- above the shadowed trees and darkened roofs"

I like how it's not specific, but still evocative.

Keep it up!

[Maria Linden]

Thanks, love- I kept it an echo so that it could be interpreted as the reader likes.

[KAin]

Well, it's certainly effective.
Oh and your last line made me laugh -makes me want to watch 300 again.

[Gianna Dale]

Holy s**t. At first I was like "huh?" but by the fourth sentence I was in love. Oh my god, gabrielle. I get this. You get it. This is exceptional. Holy s**t. Well done. Well done.

[Maria Linden]

Thanks:') you know me and know what the last line means to me, and sometimes I get those lines that just speak to everyone..... I had a few in the first published poem on her, blessed damned:)