Harmony and discord

this is a poem i wrote sometime last year about love and my not knowing anything about it

Harmony and discord

 

Innocent as a rose am I.

As I dream pure and wholesome dreams  

Of sweet innocent love.

A naïve concept of the night,

Since the dreams of the day show of passion and lust.

But I will not let those falsities trick me.

I am not gullible like a gossiper.

However the idea of such passion intrigues me,

Yet I know that sweet innocent love will last longer.

But can sweetness be too sweet?

Can Innocence be too guileless?

Can Passion be too eager?

Lust too vigorous?

Where in my dreams

Is the harmony of the four, that is love?

 

Reviews

[Tinotenda Nyevedzanai]

This poem is one of my favorites. You captured the innocence of a young, intelligent girl very well here and I love the capitals for innocence and passion very well expressed. Congrats Jen :):)

[beautiful dreamer]

i think that was accidental. i capitalize words randomly sometimes lol. thanks al :)

[Tinotenda Nyevedzanai]

some accidents are awesome

[beautiful dreamer]

thats true

[Glen Yumang Manese]

Innocent as a rose am I.

adds the harmony and the rest goes with discord:

But can sweetness be too sweet?
Can Innocence be too guileless?
Can Passion be too eager?
Lust too vigorous?

and then this to add:

Is the harmony of the four, that is love?

the questions in this piece seem to linger...the back and forth within the lines...

[beautiful dreamer]

thats what im going for!!! thanks for the review!

[s y e]

This was a great write, Jenni Benni! I loved it!

[beautiful dreamer]

thank you noodle poodle!

[s y e]

No probs senorita ;-P

[Lover Of Words]

So good

[beautiful dreamer]

thanks kelsey bear

[Lover Of Words]

No problem Jen Finn

[Frieda P]

Oi! I"m in love with this write Jen....it's so you! Captivating.

[beautiful dreamer]

thank you frieda!

[Frieda P]

'twas my pleasure. :-)

[Faffy]

i like how the first line is quite tricky...

"innocent as a rose am i"

i cant think of roses with out thorns so i felt it came across as "innocent" that made no sense but i hope you understand =P


hmm what else to say....

oh right! i love the last four questions you present

But can sweetness be too sweet?
Can Innocence be too guileless?
Can Passion be too eager?
Lust too vigorous?

i felt like you climaxed here because i could feel the emotion flowing out of your words but sadly the ending kind of ruined that for me it wasn't the strong ending i was hoping for =(

but other than that it was really good=)

trabajo asombroso!

-roshan

[beautiful dreamer]

thank you for your opinion and constructive critism. this is an A+ poem i wrote in english honors ten. i rather leave you with a good question that will leave you wondering than a punchy ending. and the saying innocent as a rose is my grandmothers. of course that's all my opinion and i appreciate you sharing yours as well :)

[Faffy]

haha ok =) it was a wonderful read =)

[beautiful dreamer]

thank you

[zainul]

Innocence is divine.
I am impressed by the lovely piece.

[beautiful dreamer]

thank you :)

[zainul]

You are welcome :)

[Bound In Red]

Very beautifully wrote. I loved this very much! Please keep writing!

[beautiful dreamer]

thank u neshie