Just another day....

I see myself looking in the mirror at the black hole with no color around it. It proved that everything they took in never came out, like a black hole itself. Even though it seemed to disappear from the eyes of very on looking.

 

It doesn't matter how much make up I wear, how high my shoes are, or how I wear my hair-because I can see the truth.

 

Those black eyes of mine stared back at me making the frown my face, and all  my other looks seem pointless. Those eyes with that slight gray ring- it was getting smaller-smaller. My eyes moved from the mirror and I felt like myself again. I could see the world I was truly in, not the world in my eyes that showed how I truly lived.

 

I walked out of the bathroom, I went in acting like I was putting on more lipstick, but if my lips were a darker red, they would be black. I rubbed my lips together, my hands on the dark purple dress, holding the cloth as my hands kept from shaking.

 

Why was I so scared? I was at a party-before I looked in the mirror I was having fun, dancing, and grinding on every person who just so happened to see me. Still, maybe what got to me was the people telling me to go to the rooms upstairs with them, after all I wasn’t eighteen, I wasn’t old enough and I damn well wasn’t suppose to be there, but it didn’t stop me.

 

I had went to this party to piss off my x-it was working that was for sure. Still I felt like I was killing myself with every uneven step I took. The shoes killing my feet, but all I could hear was the sound of the blood flowing in my head. It had kept my from crying, from screaming, from running out of that place and never coming back.

 

“Hey, Babe, where you going?” I heard the voice of an older male behind me. I spun around, a small smile on my face. No one could tell that I was hunched over, hands in fits with the clumps of my dress in them as I tried to make my way invisible though the crowds.

 

“Come over here,” I heard the man add, after he spoke to the two other men with him. I knew I should have ran right there. I should let the smile drop from my face,and say no. I had no reason to though. I had no reason to hate them; I had no reason to fear them. I did not know them-that should have been more than enough reason-It was not though.

 

My feet moved forward and I felt myself being pulled toward him, into an unwanted kiss. As much as my stomach twist, I could not lie-I liked it. Even as he grabbed the back of my head and held me there for the longest time. I felt a hand go to my leg, and a shiver up my spin, but I could not turn my head, I could not open my eyes. My hands were numb and tingling at my sized and my knees wanted me to fall forward.

 

I felt the very fingers that tingled my hair, run down me and snatch up both my legs. The hand that was holding me in a kiss went down my neck and to my back. I was helpless in the football players hands at his two friend and him headed up the stairs of the large home. I was stuck.

 

I could not help, but look at his face, it kept my off the unwanted blushing in my cheeks. He could see it, as I quote from many girls “He can see everything, on the inside and out of ‘me’” I knew very well that, that was a lie. I pushed his black slick hair and dark brown eyes out of my mind as we reached the second floor.

 

“You are blushing,” He teased not even looked down at me. I hated it, I even tried to glare, but I was unable too.

 

“You room…” I heard someone say and that was when my eyes finally widened. This was all set up! So many kids in the halls, making out, having sex. He must have paid this man to keep this room open.

 

I regained myself enough to know that I did not want to be there. I pushed on that man’s chest as I kicked my legs.

 

“Hey, hey now… we are not going to hurt you,” I heard his voice as he walked quicker setting me on the bed. It was a queen-sized bed… soft too. I start there and looked up at him. My eyes shy and helpless as I knew I was. With the closing of the door… I knew I was trapped.

 

“What is your name?” The questioned stud me, I went to his school… I may not have been the same grade, but I in the band, I cheered him on every football game! Well not him… his team…

 

“Lilly Miler” I managed to mutter.

 

“I know that name… How to I know that name… Do you go to my school?” He told.

 

I do not blame him for not knowing me. I was friends with many people, but mostly the Goths, druggies, emos… the groups they seemed to differ from the average school life.

 

“Dude… Lilly Miler, she is that chick… You know the one; no make up, nothing with the hair, baggy cloths….” He looked me over. “Damn under all that she is smoking…” His friend who was in front of the door called.

 

My eyes went low. He talked to me as if I was not there.

 

“Hey, hey, ignore him, he isn’t important,” I felt his hand pull my chin up, stroking my skin. I hated it, but liked it. I came to these parties all the time. I done things no one would think the ‘nice school girl’ they all thought I was would do… My stomach twist as my school and true world were slowly becoming one… Why was I letting this happen!

 

I wanted to throw up as he bent down his hands holding mine against the bed as he kissed me… So fast, so suddenly I fell back. I hated this life… I hated it. Taken advantage of… It was just one more time… just one more guy… just…

 

The tears came anyway and my body shook… He moved his lips from mine and looked down at e as he stood up. “You are shaking? Are you cold? Are you scared?” For a moment, I actually thought he cared. He could see the tears, but I watched him turn his head to one of his friends and give a sharp nod.

 

“Here…” He said in a soft voice as he lifted me up, pulling away the covers. He sat me there, look off my shoes, and his own before laying the covers over me.

 

“Are you warmer?”

 

I just nodded.

 

My head was like this ocean, the waved pushing against the sand that was my eyes and nose as the fish ate the sharks and left my head-melting empty. I was fighting with myself… and as much as I hated it, this man’s voice was helping the side of evil win.

 

He got what he wanted…

 

**

 

“Where is she?” I screamed. Lilly was my friend, sure no one could believe it, me the smoker, the druggy, the loner a friend with the brunette of pretty, but because of my open flows she was open enough to tell me hers…I done what she wanted and told no one… Now she was in trouble… She had warned me to day in my basement around all the fumes of all the things I created to smoke to drink she liked being there. I joked it was because she guy high from smelling, but it was because if someone hurt me she could be able to call for help.

 

Anyway, she warned me that she was going to get him back, by dancing with his friends. I told her it would back fire and I knew it would, I just hopped it was the little bit of whiskey I put in her drink to calm her down… Oddly, it did not do anything. She got ready for the party right after leaving my house…

 

I had gotten the call from her roommate… the only person who she lived with a Goth chick who graduated last year.

 

“I don’t know… She was dancing with Chris and two of his friends.” She used to be boyfriend told.

 

I could not see what she seen in the person, but it did not matter. “Where did they go?”

 

“I don’t know… upstairs is your best bet…”

 

I forced myself to let go of the scrawny kicker’s collar as I made my way upstairs… I could hear her…

 

She was screaming and begging, at a door surrounded by three boys now… all from the football team, I was no match. Weak, but still with the amount of stuff I had in my veins I most likely would not feel a bullet through my brain. I ran at them, oddly they were not paying attention and I moved them from the door.

 

Opening the door, I was grabbed by one of the men and pulled back… Nevertheless, I see it, they were both undercover, but it was clear, by how roughly he was squeezing her wrist that she wanted it to stop… rape.

 

“Let her go…” I yelled as I tried to fight them off… it did not work.

 

**

 

They forced him to watch as I was being rapped, not stopped until the party died and we were being forced out. He finally stopped, but I had missed when he did… I had passed out…

 

Why was I doing this to myself? I used to have everything and I gave it up, for what, sex and then, maybe, maybe being held afterward, maybe feeling someone hold my hand, and kissing me? Why would I give myself for such simple affection from so many people…?

 

It was bad, it was sad. I knew they did not want me for me… but at the same time, I felt they did. Why is all they see the beauty…? Is it my face, my eyes, my skin, my size, my body? It had to be my body… Jessie was not like that and he was even trying to help me.

 

He never tried to use me… I mean even after I tried to get him to quit all the stupid things he does… he never once got me to stop…

 

**

 

“Get up…” I yelled at her. Her eyes slowly opening and I could not believe how happy I was that she was awake. “I am glad you are alright… I added as I hugged her through the sheets… since she had nothing on.

 

**

 

“It is just another day for me…”

Author's Note

I write like
J. D. Salinger

I Write Like by Mémoires, journal software. Analyze your writing!

Reviews

[Rory CJ Frankson]

It's a vivid story Ash, yet it did leave me feeling rather sad for the depictions of the reasons to be abused. I did feel the strength of the portrayal and the feelings held behind the surface events were again vivid and raw, to create real depth to your character.

It does its job, as one of your viewers relate. "Almost too real". To yes know that so many youth fall into those kinds of traps and only damage thier self esteem even more is hard to deal with. This where I felt rather saddened by the brutality of events and the setting that is gritty and abusive.
This write does show your writing growth and aside from my feeling on the topic matter... it is good work!

[.]

It a good story. What the girl goes through in the end is all to real these days for many. Your tale brings out alot of emotions. Which is a good thing.
I can agree with your closing line...It fits.

Ash

[HorrorMaster]

Very powerful and sad. I really enjoy it.

[Coyote Poetry]

The story is powerful and sad. Young people put themselves in bad situations and can get hurt and abused. The story was strong and almost too real. I lived in Ann Arbor, Mi. A college town where these situation happen often. The story set-up and detail was well written. A excellent story.
Coyote

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Wow this really depicts how so many teens get themselves into such bad situations all because they need to feel like they belong... this was real from beginning to end and maybe it can help others in realizing all actions have consequences.

[Marie Harrison]

Great job. It was a sad story for me, but I liked the story. enjoyed how you broke it up. Interesting story and characters too!

[melissa]

great i loveed it:)

[Kelley]

Just another day in paradise right......smiles.
This was a great story Ashley. Keep up the great writing.


Kelley

[Jonathan De Elvira]

wow, this was a better write from you, it's not like your works before this doesn't amaze me, it's just that this was well and carefully written by you, I see you had improved so much within this write..
good job..