breathing, not living

I pushed you away, not because I didn't want you, but because I needed you. I needed you more than the air in my lungs and that scares me more more than death. 

Author's Note

I am aware that the word choice could be better.

Reviews

[Kibbles and Quips]

Hello, again.

In addition to what I said about breaking the poem into poignant, meaningful, and more easily digestible lines and stanzas in your other piece (which remains true in this one as well), I believe this piece needs to say more. This is written with no context for the reader to attach any emotional weight to, and comes across as a line taken out from a random page of a book; there should be more evocative language. There is that cliche saying when it comes to writing, "Show, don't tell," and that is the case here, too. Don't just tell me you are scared of loss, show me the angelic sheen around this green eyed siren whose beauty and song so beautiful you clenched your eyes and plugged your ears because you knew, just as the stoics, her life and love were but ethereal drops of water to be longed for and reminded of in this lifelong river of boy and girl.

[saphy]

But, yet still, the sentiment comes across more than adequately. I feel the selfless pain in this piece, I've experienced that same hurt, possibly the reason for such uncredited attunement. wording differences are a pointless feat when your emotion speaks volumes.:)