her.

She was the kind of beautiful you saw in magazines, even though she didn't necessarily look the part. Her beauty so stunning that it hits you and takes your breath away in an instant of awe. She always claimed her scars and defects made her 'ugly', but the way I saw it, every single spidery stretch mark and thin, faded, white scar: they were brush strokes in a priceless Renaissance painting. Her and her body an art gallery I would admire for the rest of my life if she would let me. This crazy girl was the epitome of beauty, the kind you read of in Nicholas Sparks novels and hear sung about in cliche boy band ballads. Her beauty was what painters like Da Vinci spent years laboring to capture on paper. Yet, all the books and ballads pieces of art could never quite contain the most breathtaking aspects of her. Those flashes when her button nose and sparkling eyes scrunched together while she laughed or when she turned away as her face shifted tomato red at the compliment she refused to accept. Those were the times she was astoundingly beautiful and perfect and that kind of wonder and perfection is the kind people pray never to lose, but me, I lost it. 

Reviews

[Kibbles and Quips]

Howdy!

First off, I want to say that the last couple sentences describing her were lovely and vivid. It made me think of a "her" as well.

But, I see that this is a poem. Now, poetry can be anything (see "Lighght" by Aram Saroyan), so regardless of typical forms (limerick, sonnet, et al) what you have is poetry, no matter someone's poetic preference.

With that said, to better achieve what I believe you're going for, I recommend breaking this into lines and stanzas. Additionally, there are quite a few superfluous, or dead, words. I did a quick idea on how to break up a few sentences into lines
and stanzas, and put brackets around some of the dead or unnecessary words.


She was the kind of beautiful you saw in magazines,
even though she didn't necessarily look the part.
Her beauty so stunning that it hits you and
takes your breath away in an instant of awe.

She [always] claimed her scars [and defects] made her 'ugly',
but the way I saw it, every [single] spidery stretch mark and thin, faded, [white - just too many adjectives here. Too verbose] scar:

[they] were brush strokes in a priceless Renaissance painting.
Her and her body an art gallery I would admire
for the rest of my life if she would let me

Now, this is just a quick idea. But the point is: by breaking up the sentences into lines and stanzas, and tightening up your language, you create a focus, and gravitas, to your words; it allows the reader to digest and fully understand and feel what you're conveying.

Anywho, that's my two cents. Keep it, or toss it into a fountain and wish for better insight. Oh, and you're the artist with this picture in mind, and only you can see it; I am just offering another way to look at it.

Thanks for sharing! Keep writing!

[Hailey Hughes]

Oof... After reading this, I take back everything I ever said about how good my "poetry" is, because this is breathtaking in its self. The way you portrayed the image of "her", made me think of the way I look at myself. You made everyone with scars seem beautiful, and that is amazing. I love this!